Simmo1 Blog

A GUIDE TO THE INTERNET

G'day one and all,
Yes i know the internet has been around since the days of Abraham. (http://www.connectingsingles.com/blog_58861_1/how_it_came_to_pass.htm#comments)
Basically, everything on the internet is rubbish but I will try to pinpoint the main areas to avoid.

If I want to find something out I will ask someone or read a book. I paid over three thousand dollars for my complete leather bound set of Funk & Wagnalls in 1967 and if it is not in there then it is not worth knowing.
Also, man will walk on the moon before I have a facebook page.

Now here is my list to help you all out.

Google
When I was young and I wanted to know something, I was beaten for being too inquisitive. That's the problem with the young people today, they have a google answer for everything. If they had to walk to their local library every time they had something stupid to ask they would ask a lot less stupid questions.

Google Images
Google Images is useless. I used it once to search for a photo of farm equipment and it showed me twenty thousand pictures of horse d*ck.

Blogging
I read a blog once by someone who had bought a scarf and he went on for about three hundred paragraphs about his scarf and where he bought it and how it made him feel. The last time I bought a scarf I wore it. End of story. I didn't write a novel about it.

Chatrooms
If I wanted to chat with strangers, I would pick up the phone and press random numbers. I tried a chatroom once and was talking to guy who claimed he was an obese fifty three year old man living in a caravan park but there is no way of knowing if these people are telling the truth.

Twitter
Why would I want anybody I don't know knowing what I am doing? I don't yell out to everyone in the supermarket "I am buying oranges" so why would I want to do it on my internet? When I was young, I lived in a small village where everybody knew each other and knew what everyone was up to. There was a fat italian kid who lived next door to me named Tony. One day I shot him in the leg with a home made bow & arrow from my treehouse that overlooked his yard and his parents called the police. Within hours the entire village was calling me William Tell. Having escaped the small town mentality for the last forty two years, I am hardly going to advertise my movements now.

The Bath Mat
I realise this is not internet related but I cannot understand why it is so hard for people to hang the bath mat over the bath when they are finished using it. I don't leave the mat all soggy for other people to walk on after I have been in there.

Facebook
I have a photo album on my bookshelf full of faces of people I know which I haven't opened since 1982 so why would I want their faces on my internet? None of them are even very good looking. I tried facebook to see what all the fuss was about and was only on there five minutes before some idiot poked me. It is easy to be brave when you are on the internet.

eBay
If I wanted a house full of cheap, dirty, second hand rubbish, I would go to a garage sale in Klemzig.

Email
People are always sending me all kinds of rubbish. Why would I want dozens of pictures of lots of love rats? I hate rats. I went away for a week recently and when I got back and checked my email, I had eight hundred and forty three messages. Eight hundred and forty of these were adverts for viagra and the other three were pictures of lots of love rats.
I bought a 'no junk mail' sticker and stuck it on my modem but nobody has taken any notice.

(Disclaimer,this article was written to bring a smile to the faces of those that read it, maybe even a chuckle, No offence is meant to any person dead or alive)

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Jul 2014
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ARE YOU ALL UP FOR THIS

I want each and everyone here to compliment someone.
I want you to compliment someone you don’t know.
You do not know this person from a hole in the ground. They are strangers. Maybe even strange.
There isn’t a single person on this planet who doesn’t appreciate a compliment and it’s even better when it’s from a stranger.
How often have you seen someone and thought “I love their hair.” Or their jeans or their sweater or their eyebrows? Usually we keep this information to ourselves. So then Miss Perfect eyebrows, who probably spends half her life getting perfect eyebrows never hears about how we too think she has perfect eyebrows.
We’re all guilty of talking about other people behind their backs, and that doesn’t just apply to their questionable taste in footwear. We tend to do it with the good things too. Like, so and so looks great lately, doesn’t he/she? We’ll say that to whoever.
In the grocery store we’ll see someone who has a nice wallet or an incredibly polite child. We just observe these things and keep them to ourselves.
But why? Why when a compliment is so easy to give and it makes someone else’s day so much better?
Because we’re afraid. Afraid of offending them, afraid of invading their space, afraid they’ll take it the wrong way, afraid we’ll somehow look like an idiot. Also we just can’t be bothered. It takes a lot of energy to muster up the breath and the sentence. Plus if you’re shy it’s even harder.
If you’re a man it’s doubly hard because if you compliment a woman you’re afraid you’ll be seen as hitting on her and if you compliment another man, you’re afraid you’ll be seen as hitting on him. It must be hard to be a man.
So I ask you use this blog just compliment someone. That’s all. Anyone. Don’t make it up or compliment something you don’t really like, just for the sake of complimenting. Find something you like and say “I like that”. That’s all there is to it.
Women shouldn’t need much help in this area. It comes a little more naturally to them. Being kind and considerate and caring and complimentary. It’s in some of their nature to nurture.
And for the men out there, you can never go wrong with complimenting another man’s car/motorcycle/callouses.
So away you all go, Compliment away.
I dare you.

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Jul 2014
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IF THE TRUTH BE KNOWN

just to clear something very very important up.
i do not wish to alarm anyone just correct a mistake.
S1p is not a poison, it actually helps fight against a number of diseases.
Please read the following.

The bioactive sphingolipid metabolite sphingosine-1-phosphate (S1P) is now recognized as a critical regulator of many physiological and pathophysiological processes, including cancer, atherosclerosis, diabetes and osteoporosis. S1P is produced in cells by two sphingosine kinase isoenzymes, SphK1 and SphK2. Many cells secrete S1P, which can then act in an autocrine or paracrine manner. Most of the known actions of S1P are mediated by a family of five specific G protein-coupled receptors. More recently, it was shown that S1P also has important intracellular targets involved in inflammation, cancer and Alzheimer's disease. This suggests that S1P actions are much more complex than previously thought, with important ramifications for development of therapeutics. This review highlights recent advances in our understanding of the mechanisms of action of S1P and its roles in disease.
referenced from
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22001186
[/b]
So as you can plainly see, it is not a label for poison.

I hope this clears things up.
And this research is universal.
Moral, not poison will carry the name/code S1p in the world, as some people have mistakenly stated.
This blog was written only to correct some confusion, it is not meant to be considered as anything else.

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Jul 2014
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PANDORA’S BOX

I have been away for a while, (my choice).
I have been reading the blogs and have been hoping to be inspired to write something.
It seems we have had many different blogs on many different subjects, some from those that have been around awhile, others from new members, and that is always good to see.
So why have I called this blog “Pandora’s Box”, Simply, because I am going to put forward a hypothetical scenario where you, the readers, may make a decision. This blog is hopefully to encourage all to think about the consequences of any and all decisions we make.
I must also point out, "THAT IT IS NOT MEANT TO JUDGE IN ANYWAY, ANYONE'S RESPONSE" It would be good to see how we all think i guess.
And here it is.
Inside a box that has been delivered to you is a guarantee of a lifetime free of worry, full of happiness, enough health and wealth for you to live as long as you wish, not just for you, but for each member of your family. All you have to do is open it.
Along with the box, came a note, and the note reads,
“IF YOU CHOOSE TO OPEN THIS BOX AND RECEIVE ALL THAT IS GOOD AND REWARDING FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, A PERSON AND ALL THERE FAMILY THAT YOU HAVE NEVER MEET OR KNOW, WILL SUFFER THE EXACT OPPOSITE”.
There life will be full of misery and illness, hunger, they will be poor, they will never again experience any sort of happiness, and they will live shorten lives.
Now here’s the question,
“DO YOU OPEN THE BOX”?
No matter what your answer, I’d like to know your reasoning for your choice.
I’d also like you treat the dilemma, as if it could be a real one.
Any member is free to respond. Will there be any takers????

yes it is something very different from me.
i shall pop back from time to time to respond and to say hi and thanks.
Hope everyone is well.

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Jul 2014
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Tis been 3 Months

And a lot has happened in that time.
The least being me being missed by all and sundry here on the blogs.
(a little attempt at being self important).

but i digress.
No doubt most of you may remember or know that i have fallen in love with a beautiful, caring, sensitive, wonderful, amazing lady.
we have spoken at least once a day but more like two or three times a day. I have driven the profits up for the mobile phone company i'm with, due to the hours my sweetheart and i have talked for. (and i wouldnt have it any other way).
The next big thing to happen in my life was my eldest daughter presented me with another beautiful grand daughter. (named Piper).
Piper is now about 8-9 weeks old and is the most beautiful little person.
Now i have two Beautiful precious granddaughters to spend a lot of time with.
The third big thing to happen was the death of my eldest brother just over a week ago.
he was killed by a hit and run driver. (not a street cleaner as a member alluded too) but a Mack Truck.
I wish to thank all those that sent their condolences to me via the beautiful blog sweet Leahkathrine posted and those that mailed me privately.
A huge and loving thank you goes to the beautiful and wonderful Leahkathrine for occasionally posting a blog on my behalf and for keeping me sane (although i know some would say i'm not) during my time of incarceration.
I would also like to thank the many (surprisingly there were many, i wont name you all as i am positive i will forget someone, but you all know who you are) who continued to mail me privately and kept offering me their support whilst i was unable to participate in the blogs.
To a great person Zman, i wish to say your friendship and humour has made it easier to accept my recent punishment.(although i think now i might get a run on youtube).
To Catfoot, who kept trying to lighten up the blogs with his own style of humour, great stuff.
i hope to rekindle old friendships and maybe make a few more friends here now that i see that there are a few "newbies" present.
I notice that some suspended members still try and beat the system and come back with "false" profiles, but the mods seem to be on top of that as well.
To all, G'day, have fun, enjoy the present, and lets not take all things too seriously.

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Jun 2014
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Like a Stunned Rabbit

With her mesmerising eyes, I was like a stunned rabbit in the glare of the oncoming trucks headlights.

Frozen, to afraid to move, and if I could move, which way would I go?
Her smile is as wide as the ocean and as bright as the brightest star. It too kept me in a trance.
Her cheeks, rosy and round, the long flowing locks of her hair fall below her strong broad shoulders.
Here I am trapped, but I don’t feel trapped, more like stuck in some sort of time warp.
Everything is moving in slow speed, but in reality, travelling at a million miles an hour.
I brace for the collision, the colliding of hearts banging together to beat as one.
Emotions are stirring within, Emotions that tingle like pins and needles. Emotions I thought were no longer possible.
Like a tsunami, memories are gushing back, good, funny, sad, haunting memories, it felt right to share.
Her voice is soft, pronounced, commanding, and sweet, it has a magical ring to its tones.
Though the world is not perfect, just now, it is for me, the feeling of excitement, like parachuting for the very first time, like skiing down the mountain and not falling.
Everest was conquered, and I’ll conquer this mountain as well, for what waits atop, is more than I could possibly deserve.

Not a new man, but a refreshed man, a man with more purpose in my life than before.
This is my second chance at achieving a fulfilment we all have seeked at one time or another.
The lessons I have learnt are now invaluable.
If this is a dream, I do not want to awake, Should it be a dream then I intend to make it a reality.

The above was inspired by someone who has turned my life upside down and inside out, shaken and dusted it off.

To that person,

THANK YOU

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Feb 2014
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HOLDING HANDS, WHAT A JOYOUS FEELING IT IS.

Like a moth drawn to an open light, Like a bee sucking the last sweetness from a flower, like the Stars and the night skies intertwine, I held a hand last night, that gave me hope, answered one of my dreams, excited me, and gave rise to a new beginning. I have held many a beautiful woman's hand in my life, but none as beautiful or as sensual as the hand I held last night. (my time)
Some of the hands I have held have been smooth, course, wrinkly, greased, sweaty, puffy, small, large, you name the type and yep, I've held it.
But this hand last night, it gave me goose bumps all over, It stirred emotions in me that hadn't been stirred for years, in fact I cannot recall the the last time I was this overcome just by holding a hand.
It was making me sweat, my heart was beating more quickly than the last time I ran a marathon.
I wasn't just excited, I was super aroused, so much so that visually people could see my excitement and how aroused I really was,(if you know what I mean) but there was no way I was embarrassed.
I was proud to be holding such a sweet, tender, empowering, sensual hand. I was praying the night would not end, that I could hold this hand forever and a day.
The feeling inside of me just kept growing hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second.
But as with all good things that must end, so must my holding of the hand that has changed my life.
It was time to let this hand down, to force myself to let go of the beauty, to untwine myself from such a hand was hard, but it had to be done.
I thought for a while, that I was the owner of this hand, that this hand was now mine forever, but it was not to be, as I slowly loosen my grip of the most wonderful, sensual, sweetest, joyful hand it has been my pleasure to hold, I took solace in the knowing, that again, soon maybe, one day in the future, I could hold such a hand again.
That hand has changed my life for the better, it has enriched me with such memories and wealth.
The hand my friends was

4 aces and a king.

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Feb 2014
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My First Attempt

Raising 3 children alone for the best part of 20 years and now living peacefully alone, i thought to myself, i can cook, but i have never tried to make a cake from scratch.
I've made cakes before, but always pre mixed.
So for my eldest daughters 33rd birthday last week, i thought why the hell dont i at least try and make a cake from scratch.

All i needed was a recipe.
I stumbled upon one of my mum's old books and low and behold, found the perfect recipe.
It was such an outstanding success, i have decided to share with all at CS.

Ingredients,

1 Cup of Water
1 Cup of Sugar
4 Large Eggs
2 Cups of Dried Fruit
1 Teaspoon of Baking Soda
1 Teaspoon of Salt
1 Cup of Brown Sugar
Lemon Juice
Nuts
1 Bottle of Whiskey (High Quality)

Now the method,

Take a large bowl.
Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter
in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup.
Turn off the mixer.
Check the whiskey again.
Break two leggs and add to the bowl and check in the cup of drier fruit.
Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of sale, or something. Who cares?
Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one tablespoon of sugar or something whatever you can find. Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl out of the window.
Con Congr Congratulate pourself and your a glass or two of whiskey.

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Jan 2014
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TEST TIME, How Smart are YOU.

I have been given some research to do and I do need the help of those here at CS.

How many F's are in the following sentence. Read it ONLY ONCE and write your response.

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.

Now if you choose to cheat and use Google, you may in fact distort the research results. So i ask for your honesty in this.

My research is to find out just how many people really do take notice of what is written or said.

Leave your answers and i will confirm who were correct.

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Jan 2014
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Govt Vs God

And the Lord spoke to Noah:
In one year from today, I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed.
But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet.
I am ordering you to build Me an Ark.
And in a flash of lightning He delivered the specifications for an Ark.
Okay, said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints.
Remember, One year from today and it starts to rain, thundered the Lord. You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time.

12 months had passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall.
The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark.
Noah, shouted the Lord, where is my Ark?
A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah, for emphasis.

Lord, please forgive me, begged Noah. I did my best, but there were big problems.
First I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and your plans didn't meet code. So I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and safety rafts. My neighbours objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.
Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the yellow bellied red feathered green crested blue eyed unidodo. (a type of bird)
Then the carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer.
Now we got 16 carpenters going on the boat, and still no unidodo's.
Then I started gathering up the animals, and got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind.
Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.

Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain. So i sent them a globe.
And then the TAX man seized all my assets claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country.

Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practising discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!

I just got a notice from the State that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a recreational water craft.

Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.

I really don't think I can finish your Ark for at least another five or six years, Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled.

You mean you're not going to destroy the earth? Noah asked, hopefully.

Being Lord of the Universe has its advantages. I fully intend to punish the people, but with something far worse than a flood.

Something man invented himself.

The government!

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Jan 2014
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The Two Words i FEAR Most

“Assembly Required”

Twas the night before Christmas.

After studying the Instructions i was inspired,that i could manage " Assembly Required." After all, i had bought things from IKEA before, actually it was buying things from IKEA in the first place that created the fear I have for those two words. (and I never did find the decaf coffee table I was looking for when I was last there, but that’s a blog for another day)

Where do i start, There’s a kitchen, a bike, and thanks to Santa (me), Barbie's 3 story town house.

Searching high and low for the tools I knew I would require. I opened the boxes and prayed no parts were missing or incomplete. (Damn prayers, I must be saying them wrong)
It was way too late for last-minute returns or replacements.
In a moment of panic i asked myself “If i can't get it right, what would or could i do”, pressure was mounting.

OMG, WTF, 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not very clear, what language was i reading?

With each part numbered and every slot named, It seemed so straight forward in the pictures, I couldn’t possibly fail.
More rapid than rabbits breading, the parts fell out, scattering all over the carpet, under chairs, behind cupboards. AARRGGHHHHHHH

Slide part “a” into part “c” and attach bolt (part “f”)
Bolt it, twist it, bang it, now screw it.
Slide on the seat, and staple the stairs,
Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand.
Bloody hell, I’ve just glued it my hand.

I knew I should have offered to pay extra to have the one already assembled.
My eyes are bleary, and my fingers are starting to hurt.
The coffee is cold, I finished the scotch, as the night wore on, finally the last rod and pin snapped together. YIIPPEEEE

After putting the tools away where they belonged,
I fell into bed, sleep deprived at best. Before I passed out, i thought this would be the best Christmas yet, without any doubt.
Tomorrow I will be sitting back watching my granddaughter getting a big thrill, and inside I would be saying i did it, I really did do it.

I won’t have to run to the store for a anything.
All the toys are together with nothing left over.

Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went,
Just then, i remembered there were three words even more frightening than “Assembly Required”

“BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED”

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL MY FRIENDS AND ENEMIES, MAY SANTA BRING YOU WHAT YOU WISH AND MAY YOUR NEW YEAR BE A SAFE YEAR.

HO HO HO............

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Dec 2013
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I Just Cant Believe It

For 2 years in a row....

I've been logging in and out all day waiting for someone, anyone, my so called friends even, to wish me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY........

Then i realized that it's not my birthday......

It's not even close to my birthday.....

have a great day people.

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Dec 2013
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This is a list of Simmo1's Blogs. Click here for Simmo1's Blog List

Simmo1 Blog (110)

A GUIDE TO THE INTERNET

ARE YOU ALL UP FOR THIS

IF THE TRUTH BE KNOWN

PANDORA’S BOX

Tis been 3 Months

Like a Stunned Rabbit

HOLDING HANDS, WHAT A JOYOUS FEELING IT IS.

My First Attempt

TEST TIME, How Smart are YOU.

Govt Vs God

The Two Words i FEAR Most

I Just Cant Believe It

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