Soulmate
So today I did a search on gemini compatibility, somewhere down the line was the question: "When will a gemini find their soulmate?" The answer was "With 19 years of age, but they won't know this, until they get older."That answer "stunned" me, because I think that I did meet my soulmate when I was 19, we got married, and divorced when I was 21 or 22. Over the years, I've wondered what has become of him, wondered if we would still have been married, how many children we would have had. We met again, many, many years ago, after I had moved to Germany (I gave him some important papers from our divorce), he told me that he had remarried and had a child. He's the only man in my life, who I really felt "at home" with, the only man who I know really loved me for who I am, and I loved him just as much.
I found a telephone number online for him, I called it many times over the years, but got no answer, and I didn't want to send a SMS. He doesn't know that I now live in Sweden, so maybe he thought it was a "spam call" that's why he never answered but since Covid, the number no longer works. I have an adress for him, and often think of writing, but also ask myself....."What do I hope to achieve by contacting him again, after all, we've been divorced for more than 35 years:" I still have strong feelings for him, and maybe that's why my other relationships, including my 2nd marriage didn't work out, it was I who wanted and filed for divorce.
He's 10 years older than I, and I guess the age difference at that time, played a big part in our getting a divorce: he wanted to settle down and have a family (I was his 2nd marriage, and no, I wasn't involved with him when he was 1st married. I met him 3 years after his 1st divorce. I was still somewhat of a "party girl", not ready to start a family. One thing we both agreed on when we were asked during the divorce proceedings is that "we married for love, and still loved eachother", but sometimes love isn't enough to keep a marriage together.
Maybe sometime in the new year, I'll have the "guts" to take a pen to paper, and write to him.
Comments (4)
A good blog.
Happy Christmas.
A good blog.
Happy Christmas.
but how do you know he hasn't since died?
If you are unsure, then maybe the question you should be asking yourself, how will you feel if you find out he has since passed, how will you deal with it or might you be better off not knowing?
On the other hand, if you know he's well alive and kicking
then write that mail, nothing wrong with looking for closure on a love that once was.
If you've been loving him all these years, don't you owe it to yourself
G'luck with it and a merry little Christmas from me to you
You're not "dampening things", as I've also considered that, as the telephone has not been "in use/ not available" for more than 1 year, and his adress has also "disappeared" from online. Since he had his own business, he would have a public number, but now with 69, he may have made it private due to going into pension. I still call the number sometimes, I prefer to hear a voice, rather than write a sms, that's why I never wrote....
If he has passed away, then, such is life, and it wasn't meant to be, and calling a number not in use, can also be a form of closure. I would however, try to get in contact with his family to ask if they'd like to have the photos I still have of him (he's alone in all of them), instead of me keeping or destroying them. The thing is, his family name is very common in the country he's from, and so is the first name of his brother (at least 50 in the online phone book).....At some point in life, you have to let go of the past, even if its a lost love
Earlier this year, I found the number online for a friend of his, I called, and even left a message, but never got a reply. I've decided to take to pen and paper in the new year, so I'll keep this blog updated as to the results.
I'm not expecting him and I to reconnect, and fall madly in love as we did more than 35 years ago, but it would be nice to know how life has been for him.