Letting Others In/Ugh. Teenagers

So, some interesting things have been going on in my life as of late. I opened a flood gate with my favorite cousin as far as religion and I don`t see it closing anytime soon. She is unknowingly pushing me to be Christian. I love her but this I don`t like. I`d rather talk about, hm, why she stopped drawing. She`s talented. Girl stuff...anything but the bible, god, jesus, whatever other words there are. I know what I believe in, and that`s that. If I believed in something else, I`d be someone else.
I`m also reconnecting with my older sister who`s been absent from my life for 8 years? She`s had to grow emotionally and psychologically and has done a wonderful job. Growing up I resented her for never being there for me and now I see we went through very similar problems growing up. We are both from different generations, she`s got a house, a hubby, a huge family she spends time with, and I`m out here feeling jealous. Of course, I want hubby and a buncha kids, and a farm, but anyways...
I know I`m done hating my sister, or even resenting her, but it seem some things in my life she frowns upon and I try my best to make her understand I`m an adult and know what I need to do to improve my life and am trying as hard as I can to do that in an exceptionally economically deprived area, and would gladly move if I had a car, and money. *hint hint, Bayfield*
Just as long as i`m near Washburn.

I take long walks every day, do sit-ups to build stomach muscles, bike everywhere looking for jobs, and putting out dog walking/training flyers, all by bike so I get a lot of exercise. I`m standing on my own two feet as best I can.
There is only so much I can do when businesses won`t hire. Or people refuse to let me walk dogs lol

I hope that my sister understands that I`m trying, even if I feel like I`m letting her down.

I also added a cousin to Facebook I`ve never spoken to. Make that two. I hope I can get to feel like I`m part of that part of the family since I never have. Found an old friend. Letting so many people in at the time that I`m opening that Fourth Door of Id is making it difficult to muster up the "balls" to walk into that fourth room because I`m so busy in the Third Room. Think I`ll have to get a few kegs and throw a party in there lmao I`ll be the one with the red wine :P

And of course the usual...more emails on cs from guys who don`t type english or are 18 and can only say hi wats up lmao
I remember when I was 18 and I wasn`t that empty. Now that i`m 26, I feel wise and like I`m about ready to bust a gut. Spent the night walking around town with a "possible" bf and we couldn`t stop laughing at all the high school kids talking about some guy`s big truck that would be perfect to conceal a body in, and how freakin` cool flip flops are.

I love this world. It`s so funny!!!