more about me
I figured I should start my own blog about this instead of posting it on others. Kind of my Sunday morning sermon.
it may help someone or not, but it helps me to talk about certain things in my life and who I am. Someday I hope to write a book or books about this stuff.Since I can remember and I remember things when I was a year old, I have always wondered about life and consciousness. Why do I think, why do I need to eat ir breathe.
At about three I was learning about minerals and stuff and about how plants grow and why we need them to live,why we eat. I thought to myself one day why not just eat dirt so I tried.
ok lesson learned lol. But I had to learn these things for myself. Mom telling me was never good enough. This attitude has caused me much grief in my life. I would never accept someone elses answers as fact unless I could see it for myself. Believe me employers hated this about me. When I started reading about Buddhism after many people kept telling me I think like one I found an outlet and many answers to my dilemmas. It made huge strides in my overall well being.
Another thing that made a big difference was getting my heart fixed. I was born with wpw or wolf Parkinson white syndrome. Its tissue in my heart that shouldn't be there causing my heart to beat erratically. I have what's called a bundle of Kent on the second node and it would throw the electric pulse around,sometimes back to the other node causing my pulse to double or even triple. I've had my pulse taken while relaxed laying down at over 200 bpm. Sometimes my blood pressure would drop and I would almost pass out. I would get week and get white outs losing my vision. All I could do would be to hear and talk, not even move.
I lived with this till I was 40. I never feared death though, not even as a child. I was always happy and accepted this as normal.
But after getting my heart corrected I realized what all else this caused. I never had normal bowel movements. I usually had diarrhea so I never ate much. Because my heart didn't beat right I was on a near constant adrenaline rush which caused my stomach acids to go crazy I guess. I started pooping blood when I was 18. I had horrible acne from over producing testosterone even in my late 30s. This all went away after I had my heart fixed.
Then I went into adrenaline withdrawals.
Oh and I was always very very strong as a kid. I was skinny as hek but could lift more run faster never tired but couldn't sit still neither. So much was effected by this I can't remember it all.
After getting my heart fixed which was right after mrly dad died, that's what pushed me to get it done, I went into a real bad depression. I kept having bad pain in my heart and was weak. The doctors said I was cured and needed exercise. They wanted me on medicines but they all made me sick so I stopped going and decided to start my business. Then I got skin cancer and then my brother died just before Christmas and just when I started my business. He never even saw the equipment I had just bought.
I had to take care of my fathers funeral and my brothers. I was always the one in my family everyone turned to besides my dad. It ws a lot of pressure. Then I ended up going through the divorce too.
I eventually went and got help from a doctor for my depression and took meds for about 8 months. I never took the amounts they wanted me to because my body told me it was too much. I took myself off them when my body told me I was ready. I went through severe withdrawals for three days, I thought I was going to die but I went through it alone. My doctor was pissed at me and said I should've went to the hospital but I'm stubborn.
So here I am doing the best I've ever been in my life. ive been through hell and back but I'm stronger for it. I know for the first time where my life is taking me. I'm following my heart and my dreams but am still missing that one thing.
Comments (22)
Lets see if I can remember some.
So here I am searching. I think its in Greek mythology that man use to have four arms and legs and two heads but the gods thought man was too strong sothey cut us in half. Now we search for our other half our soul mate for eternity.
Dang that's all I remember.
Ahhh hek oh well lol.
What if you found out(make it hypothetical if you must)that there was no soul mate for you. No love. No "one thing". Then what?
curious one
In the animal kingdom, it is each animal for himself. It is a system that has given us life, and now we choose to destroy the very system that made us.
to carry around with,
had same kind of journey, except for the operation,
don't search, just keep looking around
Gees - you have gone through a whole lot and glad you made it
and there is so soooo much more about me. This is just a brief description of myself. I could write forever and not tell it all.
I was in the army as a helicopter mechanic and going through a flight physical in Germany when I found out about my heart. I wanted to fly helicopters.
My doctor who did the surgery was Pakistani and when I told him this his demeanor changed. When I had the surgery done the anastigiologist was late and he put the caffeters in without anesthetic. I was in severe pain and he kept telling me I could take it. It was very traumatic. It sent me into my depression.
It was messed up but i never told anyone. The nurses and stuff said they wished i was under too when i said it between yelling about the pain. They kept wiping the sweat off my face and i saw the look in their eyes. They couldn't believe what was happening neither.
Oh well such is life. I'm still here.
I've literally lived on the edge of life and death most of my life not caring if I died. But that's all behind me. I'm so mellow now and happy no one believes what I've been through. Totalled about 5 cars. By all rights I should've died long ago.
Getting my heart fixed is the one single thing that changed my outward life. I still think the same but that adrenaline is gone as well as the depression. I'm finally in control of my actions, kind of lol.
I've spent a lit of time in the woods hunting and just watching nature.i also have had a lot of pets and I have seen for myself all the emotions in animals I see in people. Anger sadness curiosity the ability to think and solve problems to learn. Its all there.
Like I said I think it comes with consciousness.
I find it hearing about the life experiences of others always reminds me that I must appreciate what i have.
I'm just glad that you are an overcomer and that you haven't allowed your experiences to have a permenant negative effect on your life.
I've had my down times but I think I've just always had a unique perspective on life or at least not how I see others dealing with things. Like I mentioned even as a small child I think I "got it".
Hardships come and go but its always up to me to be happy and make my way no matter what the adversary is. I've never looked to anyone else for my happiness or health or to do anything fir me. If I can't do it then I just accept it for what it is and move on to what I can do.
Thanks for "listening" everyone.
Welcome and wish you good luck!
Summer
It took me 20 years to start my business, I hope it doesn't take so long for the book lol. But like my business I think I'll know when the time is right.