lasting taste of poverty
even as i write this blog,i can't stop thinking as to how far i have come.from being the poorest family in the barrio/ghetto ,to the person i am now.sure i may not act upstanding,but to degree i am humbled.i take drives to my old block ,and amaze me as to how good i have it now.all my friends are currently locked away in federal prison ,all who i once was jealous of.i envyed them cause they had both parents and alittle spending cash they could have with on the weekends.when ever they invited me along ,it always sent a white hot pain in my throat.now in way ,my ship have come in,and i am doing fair ,but i still have this whole in mylife.the only people that can understand it,are the ones that also grew up with nothing.giving back to the community is not it,cause i tried that,big brothers/big sisters ,i tried that,everything i have given a chance,even adopting a alittle girl and boy from veitnam.well not adoptingadopting,but sending them money threw a church to help them out.long hot showers and i still feel like i am never clean,food loses value,clothes i have more than enough,but something is really missing.even when i was married,i stilled felt like this,and now that the holidays are apon us ,i just sink into this robot mode that just does stuff for other than make myself feel better.i know it's not depression,i just do not know what it is.unfullfillment?
Comments (8)
Please, read 2 John /Bible/ what is Love.
you have to take a moment and think where you were and where you are now.
You said you were the poorest in your neighborhood then, and now you are doing fair.
You said the people "friends" you looked up to, envied, and were jealous of are now locked away in prison. You are not.
You have given back to your community.
Sounds to me like you have overcome a lot and came a long way from where you started as a child. That is something to be proud of, and something to hold your head up high about.
I do not have the answer to what you need to feel happy or fulfilled, but from what I have read I can say you seem like a good person looking to find your way, whatever that may be.
I too grew up poor, I understand how that is. I have worked hard to get where I am, and looking back I see my past has helped drive me to be the person I am today. I look back at how things were and how they are now for me, and I have come a long way. I have seen how others who I grew up with that had money and everything given to them, now have less than me now because they took for granted what they had back then and did not strive to carry it over into their adult lives.
Do not look at the things of your past as bad, look at them as stepping stones to where you are now. Times may not have always been easy then or now, but do not let the rough times drag you down. Cherish what you have accomplished and keep moving forward.
Summer