half man walking

johnjjm,
I know what you mean,
nothing worse than being a shell of the Man You once were.
or a former shadow of Yourself.

I have a couple of those t-shirts and remember wearing each one.
Some I wore over guilt of things I did or didn't say to the Person whom had dispersed from my life. Others I wore out of anger for not knowing Why.

All I can say to give comfort,
is that in time You will become a new Self. be it better or worse.
Sometimes we have to fight ourselves hard to be Stronger for our Misadventures and other times the path is simple.
Either way I hope you get to where you are meant to be.

A touching blog John.
Not much I can offer other than empathy and the little ray of hope that the sun will rise again and tomorrow brings new hope.

thank you catfoot im getting there is not easy thought

I know this feeling firsthand as well...it's like being run over by a truck. Nothing we dreamed of feels quite the same now, even the mundane day to day stuff is difficult to face most of the time. I lost my best friend and the woman I was planning to ask to marry me, four months ago. She lived in Inishowen, drowned at the young age of 40. I was three weeks too late in arriving. Hang in there...everyone tells me time is the only healer when we lose someone so important to our hearts and dreams...