New beginings

Well I must say the first 7 days on this site have been interesting to say the least.

I have made it here which is further than I expected to last. Usually I will start something with good intentions and then when it doesn't seem to be helping or fill the void that I am desperately trying to, I just give up and think it was worth it anyway. So after 7 days of being on here and I'm still continuing to go ahead with why I signed up in the first place it must mean that I am getting something I need or am just more determined than other times in my past.

This is where the self-improvement comes in to play. I want to be the person that can be depended on but also the one that can depend on someone else. My kids are great but they also don't need to be the crutch I lean on either.

I have had a life filled with disappointments. Some obviously very good as I have 4 beautiful young adults, but I have never had that kind of connection that I see in all the happy couples and families that surround me. I am trying to change my way of thinking from detrimental and self destructive to positive and fulfilling. As one of my friends tells me all the time. When you get a complement accept it for what it is. Don't brush it off and say "ya ok" because it is meant to make you feel better and the truth. Compliments have always been hard for me to accept just because I have never felt worthy of them. When your daily life is built around being yelled at, put down and made to feel unimportant you tend to start believing it.

This is where I am at today trying to put together the pieces of my life that have been stomped on for many years and am unbelievably going to the vast unknown world of the internet to help me do that. It matters not if anyone wishes to comment or converse, (although it would be great) but the fact that I am putting myself out there to see if this will help. We all have to start somewhere and for me this is it.

Thanks for reading
Raye