Too fastidious?

The following anecdotes are true, I have only changed the names.

My mom’s aunt, a highly intelligent and well-educated woman, let’s call her Jane (not her true name), was one of those ‘iron ladies’ like Margaret Thatcher. It’s not that she was completely without a sense of humour or was not a kind person. From time to time a sense of humour was made evident and we all knew she was a good woman – she went to church and no doubt loved her family and friends. When she was in a retirement home, and was asked if she had made any friends, she would say that she was ‘on good terms with everybody but not too close to anybody.’ She was reserved and never made emotional displays, often seemed stubborn. She seemed aloof and strict to the casual observer. The fact that she had a very strict upbringing at the mercy of a domineering father probably accounts for these ‘flaws’ in her personality.

Jane was getting on the older side of young and there was a growing concern among her near-relations that she would not find a husband. So, after some networking among family, friends and neighbours (in those days your neighbours were akin to second cousins) a man was produced. He came highly recommended. He had a good job, was good-looking, came from a similar background, and most importantly was willing to overlook Aunt Jane’s slightly dour disposition – in those days everyone in the neighbourhood also knew about your emotional make-up

One evening the man was invited to dinner, during which he made polite conversation with his hosts and during which Aunt Jane held her tongue throughout. After the repast the two ‘lovebirds’ were given time alone on the balcony to get better acquainted. Unfortunately, no one was privy to what went on between the two of them but the net result was that the man left empty-handed, his ‘hopes’ crushed. I think he went on and found himself a loving wife and lived happily ever after but that’s someone else’s happy tale. Aunt Jane never married. She hinted once that she had been in love with someone but she remained a spinster her whole life long, till ninety.

She was often teased by family members who would ‘threaten’ to fix her up with a boyfriend. Nothing phased her and her response was invariably, ‘No way. Never!’

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John, my dad’s cousin, was a very shy guy but as intelligent as he was timid. His shyness was truly enormous and you couldn’t help but feel embarrassed when he attempted to be social. Awkward it felt for everyone. One felt immediately sorry for him. Strangely enough, he became a completely different animal when he played with his band. He would jam with his buddies, and rock ‘n roll without inhibition, and apparently quite well too. I’m sorry I didn’t get to see that. We were never invited and John died young.

By some miracle this shy and retiring person managed to attract the attentions of an attractive blonde woman, as I’ve been told. A relationship began to blossom. However, one day, perhaps when things were beginning to get more serious, John handed his girlfriend a few pages to read. Information here is absent so I’ll fill in the gaps as best I can. Perhaps she began to read it, or as soon as she understood what it was all about she ended the conversation, if there had been any substantial conversation. Apparently, the pages were a comprehensive list of do’s and don’ts, what he expected of her if they were to continue in their relationship. Now, since things were ostensibly going so well, why on Earth would he produce such a list! I don’t know why. Maybe he was a little (or a lot) OCD; certainly he must have been very particular about his living habits. From what I gathered her departure was quite rapid. She left, never to return.