When I was 23 I had reached the point where I was staring down in the abyss, and I saw that what I was becoming was my dad.
(
!!! ).
I was given a book to read by a "friend", (Not that I Understood the concept of friendship at the time). That book helped me find the right road, (If indeed there is such a thing).
The book was called, " Adult Children Of Alcoholics and Other Dysfunctional Family's - by Janet G. Woititz ", and it was all about me.
It described in detail the behavior of my family and myself, the roles we took on or were given, and more importantly how to make the change to a healthier way of life .
Looking back I honestly think it was then that I finally realised I was not alone,( There are a lot of people out there who've been f*cked over by their own nearest and dearest), and there no such thing as "Normal" behavior.
To cut a long story just a bit short I Changed, (As stated elsewhere "An Easy thing to say But a hard Thing to do").
I no longer have any regrets about my past, no "what if's" or "maybe's" haunt me, ( "What if's" and "Maybe's "Could teach ghosts about haunting)
I have learnt a few true lesson in life, on how to cope when shit happens.
These are:
it's nothing personal.
Do your best to deal with the repercussions
Try to put it behind you as best you can
Move on with your life
and It's not your fault.
At age 25 I came down to Plymouth for aweekend to see a friend, here I met the lady who was to become my wife and never left,
She already had twin boys (6years old),( now in their 30's), A few years later we had a daughter, (now 21 who still lives at home and is doing a degree course at the Art college here in Plymouth).
As I have mentioned on my profile my wife became so seriously ill that I had to stop doing paid work and become her full time carer,
I kept my self busy by getting involved in my daughters primary school, ( I was Chairman of the P.T.A and a parent Governor),
I also did some volunteer work with the red cross
We had our problems as everybody does but I was happy with my life and the way it was going
My wife died almost 7 years ago now of an unrelated cancer, that came totally out of the blue.It was a bit like being hit by a train even though was no sign of the rails it ran on.
I grieved, I got better, and now am looking for someone to share the rest of my life with.
Now you may be wondering "Why the f*ck has he told me all this? I hardly know him"
Well it's my life. and maybe someone who reads this will take some comfort from the main message in it. "YOU ARE NOT ALONE"
Add to that,
I have nothing to hide and am serious in my intent. So lets just call it, (almost), full disclosure, On the grounds that if someone who reads this ends up being the one I am looking for
it's better they know what kind of lunatic they may be getting involved with.
But as I have said on my profile .......
"It's not that I don't Have emotional luggage, It's more of I have laundered it Ironed and folded it, And put it in the third draw down next to the one labelled Shirts!"