Official Instructions for driving in NJ ( Archived) (10)

How to drive in New Jersey

First, you must learn how to pronounce Newark.... It is New-erk, not New-ark. (Actually, it's pronounced 'NORK'.)

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3.. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph.
On the Garden State Parkway it's 105 or 110.
Anything less is considered 'Wussy.'

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
Jersey has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in Monmouth County, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. EVER.
It's another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit 'more exciting'.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebrities, rubber-neckers, shredded tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the homeless feeding on any of these items.

9. Mapquest does not work here -- none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do. And all the Turnpike EZ pass lanes are moved each night, once again to make your ride 'more exciting'.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally activated.'

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off' accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

12. Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday, and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.

Follow these simple tips and perhap you should make it through the day alive in New Jersey ...

You gotta problem wit dat ???

ahhhhhh the good old days. I remember them well. It's been a while since I've had the pleasure of interacting with Jersey drivers. I doubt things have changed much. After living in Virginia all these years I'm not sure I'd survive a drive down the Black or White Horse Pike! Thanks for the memories!

great post, now try it with an 18 wheeler, I hav its even MORE fun. we max out at 65, smoe people just dont understand

RULES FOR DRIVING IN NEW YORK CITY
- When on a one way street, stay to the right to allow oncoming traffic to pass.

- Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.

- The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it.

- Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.

- Always look both ways when running a red light.

- Never use directional signals when changing lanes. They only warn other drivers to speed up and not let you in.

- Making eye contact revokes your right of way.

- Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to ensure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible. And if a pedestrian ahead of you steps into the road, speed up, honk or yell loudly and chase him back up on the curb. Pedestrians have no rights.

I did the first part of my undergraduate degree in Kansas. There I met a lot of people and had a lot of friends (men & women).
One guy who I became friends with was a real stereotypical cowboy (no, not the Brokeback Mountain type ).
His name was Ward. In Kansas he was a real tough guy.
But, while I was driving in NY City, he was practicly hiding under the car seat.

Why does New Jersey have all the toxic waste dumps and New York have all the lawyers?























New Jersey got first choice.

I always thought the best way to drive in NJ, was to go through PA instead.