What do you tell a child when they ask why their mother/father isn't in the picture? (49)
morgan5: Thats my point exactly, i did what was right for me, because i didn't know how to deal with it.
Really pisses me off when parents use their children as a tool to hurt each other during a break up,they have the right to know both parents love them and have both of them as part of their lives.
So pleased you and your daughter found each other after so long
Really pisses me off when parents use their children as a tool to hurt each other during a break up,they have the right to know both parents love them and have both of them as part of their lives.
So pleased you and your daughter found each other after so long
You have NO idea bb. Life suddenly makes sense again, and 13 yrs of missing jigsaw pieces... I now realises I spent my life trying to fit other people into herpuzzle slots... I'm complete and now can focus on being truly happy for the first time on over a decade.... Gawd, I'm welling up just typing this...This is why it's imperitive the OP does the right thing. IF the guy doesn't wanna know his own child, then as far as i'm concerned he's a total... erm... well a total one (trust me - it was a BAD word). IF it's sour grapes on your part after a split, (and only YOU know the truth) well that'd be just plain evil of you.
It's NOT about you and him, but about the kid and her/his FUTURE understanding of your CURRENT emotional situation.
Maybe you need to face your own demons before you speak to your child, but please, give her/him the respect they deserve.
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Just tell the little guy that you shot him and buried him in the crawlspace.
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doesn't matter what you say. i am not looking forward to the day i have to explain it to my son. but my mom di the same to me as his mother to him. nothing keeps it from hurting and tho the pain subsides it a subject that will never go easily through their thoughts.
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Tell them the truth 
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caffinated: I can't tell him that his bio dad didn't want him.
Then I would be figuring out a way to inform him of that.------ This thread is Archived ------
In response to: What do you tell a child when they ask why their mother/father isn't in the picture? My son is a year and a half, and I'm dreading the day when he asks me where his father is.
Just by sitting down with him and tell him.
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you tell him the truth..it always comes out in the end anyway..
gd luck to you and your son..
gd luck to you and your son..------ This thread is Archived ------
sxc666: Personally I think the only road to go down is the 'truthful' one.
I concur.
I would do the same emphasising that the problems are Mama and Papa's, alone, NOT because or for any reason of the Child, (even if it is true), NEVER, EVER put the Child in the middle.
I would tell the Child Both parents love Him in different ways. If the other Parent does not, the Child will make His own determination of that in the future, but it should never come from you as it would come accross as Parent Bashing.
It would be far better to tell the Child, that when the time is right He/She will have the chance to develop His/Her own relationship with the absent Parent.
Hi Sxc666
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hualapaiguy: Hi Caffinated,
Geez, looking at your profile I'll bet it won't be long odds that you won't be bringing up this boy alone. The truth almost always works best and if he wants to know one day why his biodad isn't in the pic, then you'll have to explain that the "Donor" was a person who didn't have the balls to bring a person from boyhood to manhood and figured it best to just jet. When a partner shows up in your life that will be there through the formative years THAT person will be your son's other parent. Words like "Mom" and "Dad" aren't always considered as the TITLES they deserve to be.
They are EARNED titles that a person grows into and lives up to EVERY day. I have grown sons, daughters and grandchildren and still I try to grow into the Title of Dad and Popop every day. I never regret being a parent, it's a job I volunteered for when that "Gleam" was gleamed and sweet nothings whispered a long time ago. Good luck; you're in for a great, rewarding adventure if you let it be.
Geez, looking at your profile I'll bet it won't be long odds that you won't be bringing up this boy alone. The truth almost always works best and if he wants to know one day why his biodad isn't in the pic, then you'll have to explain that the "Donor" was a person who didn't have the balls to bring a person from boyhood to manhood and figured it best to just jet. When a partner shows up in your life that will be there through the formative years THAT person will be your son's other parent. Words like "Mom" and "Dad" aren't always considered as the TITLES they deserve to be.
They are EARNED titles that a person grows into and lives up to EVERY day. I have grown sons, daughters and grandchildren and still I try to grow into the Title of Dad and Popop every day. I never regret being a parent, it's a job I volunteered for when that "Gleam" was gleamed and sweet nothings whispered a long time ago. Good luck; you're in for a great, rewarding adventure if you let it be.
Um I disagree , with this portion. I feel, that JBibiza and Illu have better responses. In my book never bash the other parent.
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caffinated: What do you tell a child when they ask why their mother/father isn't in the picture? My son is a year and a half, and I'm dreading the day when he asks me where his father is.
The truth, looking in from the outside and seeing your words, I do not think you have anything to worry about. My advice chooses your words, maybe as follows. As he is a boy this is just my thoughts on how you could approach the subject.
People fall in love but they also fall out of love that is what happened with your father. He fell out of love with me your mother this was before you were born. You were still growing inside of me and unfortunately he also fell out of love for you.
He left us both while you were still growing inside me and we do not have contact anymore.
Your mother was sad but knew she had enough love in her to make up for the loss of love for us both.
When you were born and I saw your beautiful little face then my sadness turned to happiness.
From that day mummy and you have become like one and we are like the 3 musketeers although there are only 2 of us. We are all for one and one for all.
We will together face what ever comes our way; just maybe in the future we will meet some one who will be prepared to become the 3rd Musketeer.
My thoughts go with you take care. Ray
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as a person who got a divorce when my son was two years old. i miss must of my child's life. because of one thing or another. even through me and my son are real close now. i always wonder if he really means it when he says he forgives me. know one could really blame him if he did not. i found out know matter how you feel about your ex. the child did not deserve this. i never forgot about him. the child support came every month. i know that's not like being there. many of nights when i closed my eyes i worried myself. i guess that why at 42 years i had a heart attack and almost died. i just hope one day he can forgive me.but really i hope one day i can forgive myself.
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ukrainegary48: as a person who got a divorce when my son was two years old. i miss must of my child's life. because of one thing or another. even through me and my son are real close now. i always wonder if he really means it when he says he forgives me. know one could really blame him if he did not. i found out know matter how you feel about your ex. the child did not deserve this. i never forgot about him. the child support came every month. i know that's not like being there. many of nights when i closed my eyes i worried myself. i guess that why at 42 years i had a heart attack and almost died. i just hope one day he can forgive me.but really i hope one day i can forgive myself.
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MountainAsh: The truth, looking in from the outside and seeing your words, I do not think you have anything to worry about. My advice chooses your words, maybe as follows. As he is a boy this is just my thoughts on how you could approach the subject.
People fall in love but they also fall out of love that is what happened with your father. He fell out of love with me your mother this was before you were born. You were still growing inside of me and unfortunately he also fell out of love for you.
He left us both while you were still growing inside me and we do not have contact anymore.
Your mother was sad but knew she had enough love in her to make up for the loss of love for us both.
When you were born and I saw your beautiful little face then my sadness turned to happiness.
From that day mummy and you have become like one and we are like the 3 musketeers although there are only 2 of us. We are all for one and one for all.
We will together face what ever comes our way; just maybe in the future we will meet some one who will be prepared to become the 3rd Musketeer.
My thoughts go with you take care. Ray
People fall in love but they also fall out of love that is what happened with your father. He fell out of love with me your mother this was before you were born. You were still growing inside of me and unfortunately he also fell out of love for you.
He left us both while you were still growing inside me and we do not have contact anymore.
Your mother was sad but knew she had enough love in her to make up for the loss of love for us both.
When you were born and I saw your beautiful little face then my sadness turned to happiness.
From that day mummy and you have become like one and we are like the 3 musketeers although there are only 2 of us. We are all for one and one for all.
We will together face what ever comes our way; just maybe in the future we will meet some one who will be prepared to become the 3rd Musketeer.
My thoughts go with you take care. Ray
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ukrainegary48: as a person who got a divorce when my son was two years old. i miss must of my child's life. because of one thing or another. even through me and my son are real close now. i always wonder if he really means it when he says he forgives me. know one could really blame him if he did not. i found out know matter how you feel about your ex. the child did not deserve this. i never forgot about him. the child support came every month. i know that's not like being there. many of nights when i closed my eyes i worried myself. i guess that why at 42 years i had a heart attack and almost died. i just hope one day he can forgive me.but really i hope one day i can forgive myself.
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thanks been years but have always wanted to say what i said. don't make me feel any better , but i finally let it out.
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ukrainegary48: thanks been years but have always wanted to say what i said. don't make me feel any better , but i finally let it out.
Being a parent doesn't come with a handbook and we all make mistakes and hindsight is a wonderful thing.But, you did provide him and he was always in your heart sure you had your reasons for what you did, and at the time you believed them to be right.
We can't change the past but say you are close to him now, and thats important, enjoy the time you have together with him now and in the future.
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i think we are real close. he is coming to Ukraine this summer after college gets out. this is off base. but i remember he had been missing his classes in college. i left him a message on his phone. but i forgot and said it in Russian. i called me back and said i understand your Russian. but i was born in America. what did you say. sometimes i do dumb things. that was one time.
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ukrainegary48: i think we are real close. he is coming to Ukraine this summer after college gets out. this is off base. but i remember he had been missing his classes in college. i left him a message on his phone. but i forgot and said it in Russian. i called me back and said i understand your Russian. but i was born in America. what did you say. sometimes i do dumb things. that was one time.
I genuinely hope you have a great time together as father and son.
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Wow, what a tuff question and I personally feel that there is not one right answer. There are allot of different factors to consider how old the child is when he finally does ask his maturity level, the circumstances under which he asked the question and the reason he is asking just to name a few.
We as humans are all created differently for that reason alone there is not one right answer.
I did not find out my step father wasn’t my biological father until I was in the fifth grade probably 12 years old or so and it wrecked me I felt betrayed, lied to, abandoned it was tuff. I respect my parent’s decision to conceal the truth from me I truly believe that it was meant out of love although I believe that it was absolutely the wrong thing for them to have done. I have had major issues with trust in any relationship I have ever attempted; a part of me is always looking for what is being concealed what is this person not telling me.
As I have matured and recognized this character defect in myself I am actively working on it but I still remember the dismay and rejection that I felt. My relationship with my parents though I love them tremendously has never been the same.
As hurtful as it may be to tell your child why his daddy is not an active part of his life maybe, I never condone lying to a child; he will respect you in the long run if you do. Also try not to destroy the man and attack his character as horrible as it may be to you. To the child his daddy no matter where he may be is part of him as well, you BASH the DAD you essentially BASH the BOY.
Stick to the FACTS and leave the drama out of it!!
I know that he hurt you, but PLEASE don’t put that on the child!
We as humans are all created differently for that reason alone there is not one right answer.
I did not find out my step father wasn’t my biological father until I was in the fifth grade probably 12 years old or so and it wrecked me I felt betrayed, lied to, abandoned it was tuff. I respect my parent’s decision to conceal the truth from me I truly believe that it was meant out of love although I believe that it was absolutely the wrong thing for them to have done. I have had major issues with trust in any relationship I have ever attempted; a part of me is always looking for what is being concealed what is this person not telling me.
As I have matured and recognized this character defect in myself I am actively working on it but I still remember the dismay and rejection that I felt. My relationship with my parents though I love them tremendously has never been the same.
As hurtful as it may be to tell your child why his daddy is not an active part of his life maybe, I never condone lying to a child; he will respect you in the long run if you do. Also try not to destroy the man and attack his character as horrible as it may be to you. To the child his daddy no matter where he may be is part of him as well, you BASH the DAD you essentially BASH the BOY.
Stick to the FACTS and leave the drama out of it!!
I know that he hurt you, but PLEASE don’t put that on the child!
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I found my daughter again 3 months ago and, thanks to the honesty of 'mum' (albeit opposite to YOUR required honesty), I have a daughter who loves me and is happy that her mum was honest about me.
Do what's right for your child, NOT what's easy for you!
Really pisses me off when parents use their children as a tool to hurt each other during a break up,they have the right to know both parents love them and have both of them as part of their lives.
So pleased you and your daughter found each other after so long