OLDER CROWD ( Archived) (10)

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 'that the medication
you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life? '
'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her .

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,
'I'm wondering, then, just how serious Is my condition
because this prescription is marked
'NO REFILLS'.'

*********************************

An older gentleman was on the operating table
awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia,
he asked to speak to his son. 'Yes, Dad, what is it? '

'Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aging:

Eventually you will reach a point
when you stop lying about your age
and start bragging about it.

---

The older we get, the fewer things
seem worth waiting in line for.

---

Some people
try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know 'why' I look this way.
I've traveled a long way
and some of the roads weren't paved.

********************
When you are dissatisfied
and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know you are getting old when
everything either dries up or leaks.

---

One of the many things
no one tells you about aging
is that it is such a nice change
from being young.

<><><><><><><><><>
Ah, being young is beautiful,
but being old is comfortable.

<><><><><><><><><>

First you forget names,
then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when
you forget to pull it down..

---

Long ago
when men cursed
and beat the ground with sticks,
it was called witchcraft...

Today, it's called golf.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two old guys
are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart
when they collide.

The first old guy says to the second guy,
'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
and I guess I wasn't paying attention
to where I was going.'

The second old guy says,
'That's OK, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too..
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'

The first old guy says, 'Well,
maybe I can help you find her.
What does she look like?'

' The second old guy says,
'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall,
with red hair,
blue eyes,
long legs,
and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'

To which the first old guy says,
'Doesn't matter, let's look for yours.'

*********************
Lord, Keep Your arm around my shoulder,

and Your hand over my mouth!!

Fabulous H..thanks for the laugh..

And this one was my fave from the OP:

Some people
try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know 'why' I look this way.
I've traveled a long way
and some of the roads weren't paved.

This is why I don't dye my hair...it's my banner of the road I've traveled.

Growing old isn't that bad.

It beats dying young.

THanks HJF

I love it when we get to the point where we can laugh at ourselves and not worry about how old we are. We ain't dead until they actually throw the dirt on us.

A grand mother was talking to her grandaughter on the eve of her first date.He may try to kiss you first date don't let him you'll disgrace your family. He may try to touch your breasts dont let him said granny. You will disgrace your family. He may try to get on top of you don't let that would totally disgace your family. After the date the young lass hurried to tell granny how it had gone .Well?? asked granny. He tried eveything you said said the lass but don't worry I got on top and totally disgraced his family.

Hi D...

Well, Ive decided that I want to be one of those old, cantankerous ladies who sit on the porch, with their long, graying hair in a loosening bun, drinking my ice tea (in the summer!) and shouting at all the young 'uns goin' by...