first impressions (24)
andy1959Lakejackson, Texas USA2 Threads 76 Postsi recently started conversing online with a lady who just happened to be living pretty close to me.... we exchanged photos....and we seemed to have met in passing some 10+ years ago....anyway..we agreed to start dating...but before we ever went out..a friend of hers ..someone i knew back then ... told her a lot of things about what she thought she knew of me then......... now i wasnt a saint but it got stretched wayyyyy out of proportion.. and now this lady ..of who i grew fond of..has broken off wanting to date me ... just that quick..I was dead in the water before i got in th boat... so i guess my first impression on her was me over 10 years ago......any thoughts on this i just need some clarity is all 
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Listen we ALL have a past,an eh,no one is perfect,besides life is trial and error and if this gal whats to take advice from someone other then the true sorce,is she really who ya wanna be with,her loss,but eh,thats just my opion ofcorse.
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1) If she would rather believe a freind over you, then she cant think that much of you.
2) If she can drop you because of heresay, then to be honest, you are better off without her.
If I had heard something outrageous about a potential date, then I would want to know their side of the story.
Then once I had that, I would look at it and ask "Does this really affect me, as it is a new thing"
If the answer was no, (unless you had murdered someone - it would be normally) then I would give them a chance.
But then thats me!
2) If she can drop you because of heresay, then to be honest, you are better off without her.
If I had heard something outrageous about a potential date, then I would want to know their side of the story.
Then once I had that, I would look at it and ask "Does this really affect me, as it is a new thing"
If the answer was no, (unless you had murdered someone - it would be normally) then I would give them a chance.
But then thats me!
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I don't think anyone should form an opinion based on what someone else says. Yes, forewarned is forearmed but you have to give someone the benefit of the doubt and make up your own mind, Of course there are limits so it depends on what your potential girlfriend was told.
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i guess what bothers me the most was that she didnt let me give any responce... ...............oh well............. lesson learned
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Sometimes this man just amazes me with his insightfulness...
As well...yes it was a lesson learned...hopefully not one you will have to recall frequently...most women have better sense than to readily accept heresay from someone else...besides...who's to say that the "friend" was not interested in you herself and wanted no competition...we all change after 10 years...maybe she liked what she saw now!! 
As well...yes it was a lesson learned...hopefully not one you will have to recall frequently...most women have better sense than to readily accept heresay from someone else...besides...who's to say that the "friend" was not interested in you herself and wanted no competition...we all change after 10 years...maybe she liked what she saw now!!
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i hate to disagree with you, belushi...in fact, i seldom do.
i have children...and if a trusted friend tells me things that are a possibility about someone that might end up in their lives...i'm damned straight gonna listen.
that does NOT mean that he is right...that does NOT mean that you haven't changed...that is NOTHING against you, in any way, shape, or form.
it's just me being a responsible parent. and maybe later...maybe after time...we can discuss other things.
and YES, i have one hell of a checkered past...and i do NOT blame others for judging me based on that.
i have children...and if a trusted friend tells me things that are a possibility about someone that might end up in their lives...i'm damned straight gonna listen.
that does NOT mean that he is right...that does NOT mean that you haven't changed...that is NOTHING against you, in any way, shape, or form.
it's just me being a responsible parent. and maybe later...maybe after time...we can discuss other things.
and YES, i have one hell of a checkered past...and i do NOT blame others for judging me based on that.
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I'm stuck somewhere between you & belushi Lori...(not a bad place to be actually) I agree with both of you to a point...
If he used to like little boys/girls (uhm, don't think there's really rehabilitation for that), I'd never speak to him again, case closed. But if she heard that he'd been a drinker/into drugs etc...well, if he was over that part of his life, I'd be ok with it.
If he used to like little boys/girls (uhm, don't think there's really rehabilitation for that), I'd never speak to him again, case closed. But if she heard that he'd been a drinker/into drugs etc...well, if he was over that part of his life, I'd be ok with it.
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i know where you are coming from...a lot of addicts, however...rehabilitated or otherwise...are extremely codependent. just because they are clean...doesn't mean that they are psychologically fixed.
so...maybe a case-by-case basis...and a much longer 'get to know you' phase.
so...maybe a case-by-case basis...and a much longer 'get to know you' phase.
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Ladies,
I understand both of your points of view, and Lori you are absolutley right about children and their protection.
However, I do belive that people should be given their chance to tell their side of the story.
Even a trusted friend can sometimes get it wrong. So I believe that the lady in question was not wrong for not dating our OP, but she was wrong for not listening to his point of view.
I understand both of your points of view, and Lori you are absolutley right about children and their protection.
However, I do belive that people should be given their chance to tell their side of the story.
Even a trusted friend can sometimes get it wrong. So I believe that the lady in question was not wrong for not dating our OP, but she was wrong for not listening to his point of view.
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thats a better idea.
Take it as it comes.
Take it as it comes.
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at the same time...do we REALLY owe it to everyone to 'hear their side of the story'? i mean...i don't have that kind of time...and if you are talking a very short stint...it's not the same as if it's someone you've known for years.
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ah...and that would, i'm certain, play into her perspective.
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Then I feel we need say nothing more?
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andy...i know absolutely nothing from you, i was trying to take things in generalities, and i hope i didn't offend you.
believe me...if anyone has a past, it's me.
believe me...if anyone has a past, it's me.
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This 'trusted friend of hers' wants you for herself.
So she broke it up between you and the lady you met online.
So she broke it up between you and the lady you met online.
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I'm coming in at the end of this, but pardon my 2 cents' worth:
Before my ex finally left I overheard him on the phone telling friends of ours that I was drinking and abusing drugs so he had decided to leave me. It was years before I regained their friendship and they realized he was spinning lies. I still haven't told them about his abusive behaviour and police incident reports because they'd find it hard to believe since they still socialize with him and his new wife. To the rest of the world he's quite charming.
Be patient... I hope you find someone who is willing to learn about you, from you.
Before my ex finally left I overheard him on the phone telling friends of ours that I was drinking and abusing drugs so he had decided to leave me. It was years before I regained their friendship and they realized he was spinning lies. I still haven't told them about his abusive behaviour and police incident reports because they'd find it hard to believe since they still socialize with him and his new wife. To the rest of the world he's quite charming.
Be patient... I hope you find someone who is willing to learn about you, from you.
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Created: Aug 2006
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