Met a beautiful man online but... (137)
mariespoodles: Was back and forth on line for a week after my initial contact with a man (I contacted him after reading his profile)and found we had heaps in common... got on like a house of fire. Then 2 days ago he sent an email that required a personal chat on the phone as a reply via email would have been to long winded so I asked him for a contact no: which he happily obliged in giving me.
The next day I rang him and we spoke for ages about many things and found each other extremely enlightening to say the least... He explained that he had dated quite a few women but never mentioned really liking anyone in particular so I assumed he was still available. We agreed mutually about meeting up for coffee or a dog walk.
I have only been separated for a short few mths and still have a ways to go in finalising my divorce which he knew about... I sent him an email to say I thoroughly enjoyed our phone chat.
He then sent me an email in reply to my thank you one with a slight hitch.
Now he explains that he has been dating someone not long before I made the original contact and in fairness to her confessed he should have deleted his profile but also went on to say the temptation (after reading my profile) led him to respond... he explained that my separation was early days and thought a friendship would be better due to the timing. He expressed that he didn't want to have to sneak around with her to get to know me so would delete his profile after this email.
As I had his phone no: I replied in kind with a no hard feelings txt and thanked him for coming clean sooner than later about his situation. I admitted to him that I was slightly dissapointed but thanked him for his honesty and respect... I left the door open after we agreed to a friendship and wished him well in his new pursuit.
What would anyone else do in this situation?... Would you cut them off at the knees or would you leave the door open and continue getting to know this person if you got on extremely well?
The next day I rang him and we spoke for ages about many things and found each other extremely enlightening to say the least... He explained that he had dated quite a few women but never mentioned really liking anyone in particular so I assumed he was still available. We agreed mutually about meeting up for coffee or a dog walk.
I have only been separated for a short few mths and still have a ways to go in finalising my divorce which he knew about... I sent him an email to say I thoroughly enjoyed our phone chat.
He then sent me an email in reply to my thank you one with a slight hitch.
Now he explains that he has been dating someone not long before I made the original contact and in fairness to her confessed he should have deleted his profile but also went on to say the temptation (after reading my profile) led him to respond... he explained that my separation was early days and thought a friendship would be better due to the timing. He expressed that he didn't want to have to sneak around with her to get to know me so would delete his profile after this email.
As I had his phone no: I replied in kind with a no hard feelings txt and thanked him for coming clean sooner than later about his situation. I admitted to him that I was slightly dissapointed but thanked him for his honesty and respect... I left the door open after we agreed to a friendship and wished him well in his new pursuit.
What would anyone else do in this situation?... Would you cut them off at the knees or would you leave the door open and continue getting to know this person if you got on extremely well?
You did what any sensible person would do
But be careful, his attitude towards meeting people tells me he doesn't know what he needs and is still searching. A friendship on your part would do him good.
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mindfful: ohmyGOSH
mjames i have seen you be all knowing and completely devoid of emotion for a long time
you even went into my thread of my experience with my daughter being kidnapped 23 years ago and very coolly told me how to handle it and that i wasnt handling it properly
you tell this woman and many others that their gut feeling is wrong
and in fact she had no mention of a gut feeling about this scenario
how on earth can you be so certain you know all these things and are so right about all of them all the time?
maybe its just the thing where men think fixing is listening and helping but it isnt-sometimes listening and caring is plenty and its not anyone elses job to wake anyone else up
which you seem to have appointed yourself to do for those around you.
this keeps others from being able to get to know you.
i feel like you dont read all of what we write and try to feel it you just comment about what we should do and say good luck as tho its compulsory so that you dont sound insensitivewhich you are-whether accidentally or on purpose
i am gambling on the fact that you dont realize it
and i look forward to the day you are more open and soft. i am betting you are a realllly sweet guy
mjames i have seen you be all knowing and completely devoid of emotion for a long time
you even went into my thread of my experience with my daughter being kidnapped 23 years ago and very coolly told me how to handle it and that i wasnt handling it properly
you tell this woman and many others that their gut feeling is wrong
and in fact she had no mention of a gut feeling about this scenario
how on earth can you be so certain you know all these things and are so right about all of them all the time?
maybe its just the thing where men think fixing is listening and helping but it isnt-sometimes listening and caring is plenty and its not anyone elses job to wake anyone else up
which you seem to have appointed yourself to do for those around you.
this keeps others from being able to get to know you.
i feel like you dont read all of what we write and try to feel it you just comment about what we should do and say good luck as tho its compulsory so that you dont sound insensitivewhich you are-whether accidentally or on purpose
i am gambling on the fact that you dont realize it
and i look forward to the day you are more open and soft. i am betting you are a realllly sweet guy
Yup, it's better to have others think of you as a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
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What would anyone else do in this situation?... Would you cut them off at the knees or would you leave the door open and continue getting to know this person if you got on extremely well?
Back and forth online for a week. (He didn’t mention he was dating another woman)
Then 2 days ago sent a mail asking for personal chat on phone. (Again on the phone chat he didn’t tell you he was involved with someone else)
You thanked him for the phone chat. He then sent you an e-mail in reply to your thank you and explained he was dating someone not long before you contacted him. Said in all fairness he should have deleted his profile but temptation lead him to contact you after seeing your profile.
This guy is a player, he shouldn't be trusted.
Ask yourself these questions and same scenario: What would you think of this man if you were the woman dating him?
What would you think of the other woman if she cut it off at the knees, what would you think of her if she continued?
Back and forth online for a week. (He didn’t mention he was dating another woman)
Then 2 days ago sent a mail asking for personal chat on phone. (Again on the phone chat he didn’t tell you he was involved with someone else)
You thanked him for the phone chat. He then sent you an e-mail in reply to your thank you and explained he was dating someone not long before you contacted him. Said in all fairness he should have deleted his profile but temptation lead him to contact you after seeing your profile.
This guy is a player, he shouldn't be trusted.
Ask yourself these questions and same scenario: What would you think of this man if you were the woman dating him?
What would you think of the other woman if she cut it off at the knees, what would you think of her if she continued?
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its no wonder evryone here is single
ffs
no one listens for one
no one trusts anyone regardless of their best efforts
and everyone is sure they are right
what a shame
and just for humours sake i must share that someone wrote me tonight and i dont think they saw my post to mjames in here either
this person wrote and said he finds the 2 of us most perceptive insightful and compassionate and thinks that we are actually the same person posting under 2 profiles
thats so awesome-
funny thing perception aint it?
ffs
no one listens for one
no one trusts anyone regardless of their best efforts
and everyone is sure they are right
what a shame
and just for humours sake i must share that someone wrote me tonight and i dont think they saw my post to mjames in here either
this person wrote and said he finds the 2 of us most perceptive insightful and compassionate and thinks that we are actually the same person posting under 2 profiles
thats so awesome-
funny thing perception aint it?
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mindfful: its no wonder evryone here is single
ffs
no one listens for one
no one trusts anyone regardless of their best efforts
and everyone is sure they are right
what a shame
and just for humours sake i must share that someone wrote me tonight and i dont think they saw my post to mjames in here either
this person wrote and said he finds the 2 of us most perceptive insightful and compassionate and thinks that we are actually the same person posting under 2 profiles
thats so awesome-
funny thing perception aint it?
ffs
no one listens for one
no one trusts anyone regardless of their best efforts
and everyone is sure they are right
what a shame
and just for humours sake i must share that someone wrote me tonight and i dont think they saw my post to mjames in here either
this person wrote and said he finds the 2 of us most perceptive insightful and compassionate and thinks that we are actually the same person posting under 2 profiles
thats so awesome-
funny thing perception aint it?
And then he reads your post to mjames
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and i will say one other thing
if all you high and mighties tell a prospective new friend or date every frickin thing in the world in the first week of contact that also might be whats keeping you from a lasting relationship
christonacrookedcrutch
getting to know one another online and in a phone call in the space of a week and we are a liar and worse if we havent already "confessed" to also chatting up someone else
what a fright these people are that expect to be the center of someones universe if they contact you
how is someone a player or promiscuous in any way to date more than one person? dating doesnt mean screwing
it means dating
for me personally someone telling me a bunch of stuff immediately is more a sign of a problem than someone who keeps things in proportion and goes at a normal pace
took me a long time and a lot of pain to learn that one
oh marie what a thread you have started
if all you high and mighties tell a prospective new friend or date every frickin thing in the world in the first week of contact that also might be whats keeping you from a lasting relationship
christonacrookedcrutch
getting to know one another online and in a phone call in the space of a week and we are a liar and worse if we havent already "confessed" to also chatting up someone else
what a fright these people are that expect to be the center of someones universe if they contact you
how is someone a player or promiscuous in any way to date more than one person? dating doesnt mean screwing
it means dating
for me personally someone telling me a bunch of stuff immediately is more a sign of a problem than someone who keeps things in proportion and goes at a normal pace
took me a long time and a lot of pain to learn that one
oh marie what a thread you have started
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Grandepensees: And then he reads your post to mjames
actually i asked him if he was being sincere as he has chatted with me before
and then i sent him the link to it
either he saw it and was being funny or when he does see it he will be perplexed-
he hasnt opened it yet but i look forward to his response
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A player? Married? Naive? Let's not jump to conclusions. Marie, I suggest that YOU do what you feel is right. Erroneous judgements often lead to pain or missed opportunities. 
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mjames: Sorry but you are wrong on this one; there are different types of dating. Casual dating is dating without much emotion. Friends with benefits maybe.
If I'm dating a girl I'm exclusive with her; I dont mess with anyone else.
You need to stop being blinded by a phantom. You cant' be this naive. You are already making excuses for someone you have never met. What would you tell your daughter if she did the same thing? you'd tell her to wake up.
If I'm dating a girl I'm exclusive with her; I dont mess with anyone else.
You need to stop being blinded by a phantom. You cant' be this naive. You are already making excuses for someone you have never met. What would you tell your daughter if she did the same thing? you'd tell her to wake up.
Wow! You just woke a lot of women up with that!
I know u woke me up...Thanks for being so straightforward..
Alot of us women want to caretake and make excuses for men
with bad behavior. Not that we do that with intentions of wearing blinders, mind you...At least we know there are those who will talk straight, and have strength to their character. Kudos to you
sir.
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mindfful: actually i asked him if he was being sincere as he has chatted with me before
and then i sent him the link to iteither he saw it and was being funny or when he does see it he will be perplexed- he hasnt opened it yet but i look forward to his response
and then i sent him the link to iteither he saw it and was being funny or when he does see it he will be perplexed- he hasnt opened it yet but i look forward to his response
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Well at least the pair of you were honest with each other, which is the main thing. If in future you get together all well and good. No harm in remaining friends.
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Veritaas: Well at least the pair of you were honest with each other, which is the main thing. If in future you get together all well and good. No harm in remaining friends.
i concur
the future has yet to be decided
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I think you did the right thing. He seems to be a honest guy.
If you keep contact with him, you'll be able to check if all he said was true
Leave the door open to friendship!
If you keep contact with him, you'll be able to check if all he said was true
Leave the door open to friendship!
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This is my opinion only, as some will have read of my experience. (and it was beautiful) and no animosity) but certainly
I feel, close that door, and go about your way... If he wanted to contact you again, he knows where to find you.
By doing this, you allow your self to have that freedom of still putting yourself out there in a beautiful way, without shouldering those feelings or harbouring that long lost love,of, will he call?,
because you made that decision,to close,and that's ok.
I feel, close that door, and go about your way... If he wanted to contact you again, he knows where to find you.
By doing this, you allow your self to have that freedom of still putting yourself out there in a beautiful way, without shouldering those feelings or harbouring that long lost love,of, will he call?,
because you made that decision,to close,and that's ok.
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mariespoodles: Now he explains that he has been dating someone not long before I made the original contact and in fairness to her confessed he should have deleted his profile but also went on to say the temptation (after reading my profile) led him to respond... he explained that my separation was early days and thought a friendship would be better due to the timing. He expressed that he didn't want to have to sneak around with her to get to know me so would delete his profile after this email.
It sounds like it is possible that he is trying to figure out how easy or hard it would be to manipulate you. Think about it. He was already dating someone, but he thinks you are tempting so he kept talking to you anyway even though he knew you were looking for someone who was single to have a real relationship with, thereby utterly disregarding your feelings. He kind of sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. If he deletes his profile, then you are probably lucky to be rid of him.
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P.S., If he doesn't delete his profile like he said he would, run away screaming.
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Witchaywoman: P.S., If he doesn't delete his profile like he said he would, run away screaming.
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If you can accept being just friends with him..then I say keep the friendship. It seems that perhaps he was undecisive about the seriousness of his relationship and that's why he was slow to delete his profile. Then you came along..and although he was attracted to you..he realized that he was going to persue this relationship with this woman..and told you..then offering friendship. If he decides to push things with you..which are no longer in the bonds of friendship then I would cease talking to him. This is what I don't get..sure this is a dating site..and we're here to meet dates..but also..we make friendships. I made lots of friends who are in relationships here..and I have always respected those boundaries..and many of them are still my friends..but some have just stopped talking to me altogether..but that's and entirely different thread..good luck.
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As for that lady-mariespoodles, first of all I couldn't get if she has exchanged her persoanl dat - email etc. with this male from the beginning ....... If they have started the contact with that exchanging emails etc., my asking is why she has been too
hasten about this decision( exchanging emails, phones etc).Second, I think that it's very important what's she looking for here in CS,a husband or just a friend. I think , the higher purpose you have set, the biggest would be the disappointmet later (eventually). So the disposition or the intentions are very important . But I couldn't analyse that situation of hers , as it's not my experiance. I feel that she has to cut them off , as he dosen't sound to me quite "clear", real, "just a bit "married"" etc. Hope she'll find another one, better one. I wish the same for me ...........