Met a beautiful man online but... (137)
Blues63: A player? Married? Naive? Let's not jump to conclusions. Marie, I suggest that YOU do what you feel is right. Erroneous judgements often lead to pain or missed opportunities.
Hahahahaha!! Blue... way to go... you have spoken like a true hero... you are totally cool with the no conflict, power struggle of who's right and who's wrong control drama in sight attitude!!... you are a true free spirit and know how to treat others in the same way.
To all of you who have responded with your posts I thank you... I have found many mixed thoughts and feelings on this issue pending on the level of fear or love expressed...
It is true that one must be "AWARE" of the signals that has all these alarm bells going off and I appreciate all the input...
I will say however...
"WHEN DO WE START LIVING OUR LIVES WITHOUT FEAR and START RESPONDING THROUGH LOVE??"... if i care about myself enough then wouldn't I want to trust myself to be aware and deal with who I meet?? ... Note to self
edit profile to state "here to make friends too!! How do I show respect for others if at first I am not able to trust myself in front of any human being and choose to be closed minded and take off with caution and fear in my veins??... that would feed fear in me more, wouldn't you think??
Courage to work without fear is my goal in life with all humans.
I for one am not afraid to share my mind and heart with whoever comes my way because I trust myself to have the strength behind my vulnerability...
Here is an extract from my profile:
quote:
[Am not shy about sharing my mind and heart with others to put myself out there or in general, even though I know it always leaves me open to vulnerability...
On the flip side however, my vulnerability allows me to have the real human experiences in life that we all seek but are not always brave enough to participate in for the risk of getting hurt. Hey what can I say... life's to be lived and I sure as hell don't want to be numbed by it]:un quote
If we were all to go around closed minded and with such closed hearts, then how are we to make friends? let alone find true love, when all we are doing is working through a high level of caution and fear... yes we would narrow the risk of the getting hurt factor(which is gr8ly reduced when we use self trust in the mix anyway) but we would also narrow the opportunities too!!... fear is necessary for our survival but are we here to just survive... that's what the last couple of generations did... they lacked the ability to show their true expressions of mind and heart... and now we live in a world full of fear and low self esteem because of it...
I feel more inclined to trust my gut feelings and know I will always have the courage to be less fearful in my dealings with people regardless of wether they are a potential or not...
It's how we treat all fellow humans that most counts with me... I trust and respect myself to be responsible and accountable for my own thoughts, feelings and actions and be open and honest with people through love and not fear.
It doesn't sit right with me to dismiss someone who comes into my life because I don't trust myself enough to deal with it and run away. What do we have to gain by closing our minds and hearts... it's certainly not how I want to live...
It's honesty for me ... to look in the mirror and know I am being totally honest and trusting with myself is where it all starts for me and the rest will fall into place... "THIS IS MY INNER PEACE AMONG THE EXTERNAL KAOS" and thanks for sharing!!
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Onlyguy: What would anyone else do in this situation?... Would you cut them off at the knees or would you leave the door open and continue getting to know this person if you got on extremely well?
Back and forth online for a week. (He didn’t mention he was dating another woman)
Then 2 days ago sent a mail asking for personal chat on phone. (Again on the phone chat he didn’t tell you he was involved with someone else)
You thanked him for the phone chat. He then sent you an e-mail in reply to your thank you and explained he was dating someone not long before you contacted him. Said in all fairness he should have deleted his profile but temptation lead him to contact you after seeing your profile.
This guy is a player, he shouldn't be trusted.
Ask yourself these questions and same scenario: What would you think of this man if you were the woman dating him?
What would you think of the other woman if she cut it off at the knees, what would you think of her if she continued?
Back and forth online for a week. (He didn’t mention he was dating another woman)
Then 2 days ago sent a mail asking for personal chat on phone. (Again on the phone chat he didn’t tell you he was involved with someone else)
You thanked him for the phone chat. He then sent you an e-mail in reply to your thank you and explained he was dating someone not long before you contacted him. Said in all fairness he should have deleted his profile but temptation lead him to contact you after seeing your profile.
This guy is a player, he shouldn't be trusted.
Ask yourself these questions and same scenario: What would you think of this man if you were the woman dating him?
What would you think of the other woman if she cut it off at the knees, what would you think of her if she continued?
I totally agree with you Only! He is a player and is "shopping" to see if the next one is better than the flavor of the week.
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fivefoot2plus8: I totally agree with you Only! He is a player and is "shopping" to see if the next one is better than the flavor of the week.
Do you know him personally?
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Veritaas: Do you know him personally?
Do you?
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mariespoodles: Was back and forth on line for a week after my initial contact with a man (I contacted him after reading his profile)and found we had heaps in common... got on like a house of fire. Then 2 days ago he sent an email that required a personal chat on the phone as a reply via email would have been to long winded so I asked him for a contact no: which he happily obliged in giving me.
The next day I rang him and we spoke for ages about many things and found each other extremely enlightening to say the least... He explained that he had dated quite a few women but never mentioned really liking anyone in particular so I assumed he was still available. We agreed mutually about meeting up for coffee or a dog walk.
I have only been separated for a short few mths and still have a ways to go in finalising my divorce which he knew about... I sent him an email to say I thoroughly enjoyed our phone chat.
He then sent me an email in reply to my thank you one with a slight hitch.
Now he explains that he has been dating someone not long before I made the original contact and in fairness to her confessed he should have deleted his profile but also went on to say the temptation (after reading my profile) led him to respond... he explained that my separation was early days and thought a friendship would be better due to the timing. He expressed that he didn't want to have to sneak around with her to get to know me so would delete his profile after this email.
As I had his phone no: I replied in kind with a no hard feelings txt and thanked him for coming clean sooner than later about his situation. I admitted to him that I was slightly dissapointed but thanked him for his honesty and respect... I left the door open after we agreed to a friendship and wished him well in his new pursuit.
What would anyone else do in this situation?... Would you cut them off at the knees or would you leave the door open and continue getting to know this person if you got on extremely well?
The next day I rang him and we spoke for ages about many things and found each other extremely enlightening to say the least... He explained that he had dated quite a few women but never mentioned really liking anyone in particular so I assumed he was still available. We agreed mutually about meeting up for coffee or a dog walk.
I have only been separated for a short few mths and still have a ways to go in finalising my divorce which he knew about... I sent him an email to say I thoroughly enjoyed our phone chat.
He then sent me an email in reply to my thank you one with a slight hitch.
Now he explains that he has been dating someone not long before I made the original contact and in fairness to her confessed he should have deleted his profile but also went on to say the temptation (after reading my profile) led him to respond... he explained that my separation was early days and thought a friendship would be better due to the timing. He expressed that he didn't want to have to sneak around with her to get to know me so would delete his profile after this email.
As I had his phone no: I replied in kind with a no hard feelings txt and thanked him for coming clean sooner than later about his situation. I admitted to him that I was slightly dissapointed but thanked him for his honesty and respect... I left the door open after we agreed to a friendship and wished him well in his new pursuit.
What would anyone else do in this situation?... Would you cut them off at the knees or would you leave the door open and continue getting to know this person if you got on extremely well?
i would do what you have done,if i can see him as a friend.
i wouldnt have too much contact with him though,or i could see feelings developing.
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Veritaas: Do you know him personally?
well said V!! ------ This thread is Archived ------
Veritaas: Do you know him personally?
You cannot confirm for sure that this man is a player, tis all. At least he expressed honesty, which is more than alot of people do.
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mariespoodles: well said V!!
I just think it is a good idea to keep an open mind when it comes to these things. Who knows you could end up good friends. But honest you both have been with each other. And that is all one can expect.
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Veritaas: You cannot confirm for sure that this man is a player, tis all. At least he expressed honesty, which is more than alot of people do.
I was agreeing with OnlyGuy's observations and I believe we were asked for our opinions to which I offered mine.
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mariespoodles: Was back and forth on line for a week after my initial contact with a man (I contacted him after reading his profile)and found we had heaps in common... got on like a house of fire. Then 2 days ago he sent an email that required a personal chat on the phone as a reply via email would have been to long winded so I asked him for a contact no: which he happily obliged in giving me.
The next day I rang him and we spoke for ages about many things and found each other extremely enlightening to say the least... He explained that he had dated quite a few women but never mentioned really liking anyone in particular so I assumed he was still available. We agreed mutually about meeting up for coffee or a dog walk.
I have only been separated for a short few mths and still have a ways to go in finalising my divorce which he knew about... I sent him an email to say I thoroughly enjoyed our phone chat.
He then sent me an email in reply to my thank you one with a slight hitch.
Now he explains that he has been dating someone not long before I made the original contact and in fairness to her confessed he should have deleted his profile but also went on to say the temptation (after reading my profile) led him to respond... he explained that my separation was early days and thought a friendship would be better due to the timing. He expressed that he didn't want to have to sneak around with her to get to know me so would delete his profile after this email.
As I had his phone no: I replied in kind with a no hard feelings txt and thanked him for coming clean sooner than later about his situation. I admitted to him that I was slightly dissapointed but thanked him for his honesty and respect... I left the door open after we agreed to a friendship and wished him well in his new pursuit.
What would anyone else do in this situation?... Would you cut them off at the knees or would you leave the door open and continue getting to know this person if you got on extremely well?
The next day I rang him and we spoke for ages about many things and found each other extremely enlightening to say the least... He explained that he had dated quite a few women but never mentioned really liking anyone in particular so I assumed he was still available. We agreed mutually about meeting up for coffee or a dog walk.
I have only been separated for a short few mths and still have a ways to go in finalising my divorce which he knew about... I sent him an email to say I thoroughly enjoyed our phone chat.
He then sent me an email in reply to my thank you one with a slight hitch.
Now he explains that he has been dating someone not long before I made the original contact and in fairness to her confessed he should have deleted his profile but also went on to say the temptation (after reading my profile) led him to respond... he explained that my separation was early days and thought a friendship would be better due to the timing. He expressed that he didn't want to have to sneak around with her to get to know me so would delete his profile after this email.
As I had his phone no: I replied in kind with a no hard feelings txt and thanked him for coming clean sooner than later about his situation. I admitted to him that I was slightly dissapointed but thanked him for his honesty and respect... I left the door open after we agreed to a friendship and wished him well in his new pursuit.
What would anyone else do in this situation?... Would you cut them off at the knees or would you leave the door open and continue getting to know this person if you got on extremely well?
?
Sounds married to me. Why didn't he tell you upfront from day 1 and waited till a meeting opportunity came up? That man is a player. Forget him, move on, you need someone honest.
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I'd go with the flow, do what feels right and not get too vested in my own imaginary idea of what the "relationshp" is. Only time and actions will tell and I think it's better to avoid getting too attached to someone in general. That has always been my downfall, I get too attached and then it hurts too much when it ends. Whatever is meant to be will happen right?
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In response to: What would anyone else do in this situation?... Would you cut them off at the knees or would you leave the door open and continue getting to know this person if you got on extremely well?
I cant suggest what you should do but I can tell you that knowing what I know now, after my past experience, I would never gauge my action on what a man says, especially in a situation like this. My ex was married and "separated" and we began our relationship.. oooh I thought he was so 'HONEST' with me about the entire thing... only to realise that all he said was just for a time and then I lost out! Sweetie, if I were in this situation, I would run! JMO
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fivefoot2plus8: I was agreeing with OnlyGuy's observations and I believe we were asked for our opinions to which I offered mine.
I agree ff2plus8... your opinion does matter... thanks for sharing
everyones opinion matters, regardless if it agreed with or not ------ This thread is Archived ------
mariespoodles: Was back and forth on line for a week after my initial contact with a man (I contacted him after reading his profile)and found we had heaps in common... got on like a house of fire. Then 2 days ago he sent an email that required a personal chat on the phone as a reply via email would have been to long winded so I asked him for a contact no: which he happily obliged in giving me.
The next day I rang him and we spoke for ages about many things and found each other extremely enlightening to say the least... He explained that he had dated quite a few women but never mentioned really liking anyone in particular so I assumed he was still available. We agreed mutually about meeting up for coffee or a dog walk.
I have only been separated for a short few mths and still have a ways to go in finalising my divorce which he knew about... I sent him an email to say I thoroughly enjoyed our phone chat.
He then sent me an email in reply to my thank you one with a slight hitch.
Now he explains that he has been dating someone not long before I made the original contact and in fairness to her confessed he should have deleted his profile but also went on to say the temptation (after reading my profile) led him to respond... he explained that my separation was early days and thought a friendship would be better due to the timing. He expressed that he didn't want to have to sneak around with her to get to know me so would delete his profile after this email.
As I had his phone no: I replied in kind with a no hard feelings txt and thanked him for coming clean sooner than later about his situation. I admitted to him that I was slightly dissapointed but thanked him for his honesty and respect... I left the door open after we agreed to a friendship and wished him well in his new pursuit.
What would anyone else do in this situation?... Would you cut them off at the knees or would you leave the door open and continue getting to know this person if you got on extremely well?
At least you got to know each other,him coming clean was good and you understanding was also good.He may have got cought up in a white lie but he did come clean and didn't take advantage.Best to both of you.The next day I rang him and we spoke for ages about many things and found each other extremely enlightening to say the least... He explained that he had dated quite a few women but never mentioned really liking anyone in particular so I assumed he was still available. We agreed mutually about meeting up for coffee or a dog walk.
I have only been separated for a short few mths and still have a ways to go in finalising my divorce which he knew about... I sent him an email to say I thoroughly enjoyed our phone chat.
He then sent me an email in reply to my thank you one with a slight hitch.
Now he explains that he has been dating someone not long before I made the original contact and in fairness to her confessed he should have deleted his profile but also went on to say the temptation (after reading my profile) led him to respond... he explained that my separation was early days and thought a friendship would be better due to the timing. He expressed that he didn't want to have to sneak around with her to get to know me so would delete his profile after this email.
As I had his phone no: I replied in kind with a no hard feelings txt and thanked him for coming clean sooner than later about his situation. I admitted to him that I was slightly dissapointed but thanked him for his honesty and respect... I left the door open after we agreed to a friendship and wished him well in his new pursuit.
What would anyone else do in this situation?... Would you cut them off at the knees or would you leave the door open and continue getting to know this person if you got on extremely well?
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Well, after reading through the thread, I agree that he might be a perfectly good guy who behaved honorably, but that wasn't the reason I suggested that you look elsewhere for a romantic connection. The reason is simply that he's involved with another woman.
Now, if you're looking for a friend, without any romantic intentions (which isn't my sense), then I suppose it could be fine to attempt being friends with them. But a friendship with a man or woman who's involved in a romantic relationship, when you yourself are romantically inclined, is usually a recipe for relationship disaster. Given that you're romantically inclined, as your friendship grows you will naturally begin feeling romantic notions toward him. And quite possibly vice versa. And then the "fun" starts.
I see this as a likely scenario in your case. The better plan, imo, is to let the man's relationship with the other woman run its course - then, if ends his relationship with her, he's fair game.
Now, if you're looking for a friend, without any romantic intentions (which isn't my sense), then I suppose it could be fine to attempt being friends with them. But a friendship with a man or woman who's involved in a romantic relationship, when you yourself are romantically inclined, is usually a recipe for relationship disaster. Given that you're romantically inclined, as your friendship grows you will naturally begin feeling romantic notions toward him. And quite possibly vice versa. And then the "fun" starts.
I see this as a likely scenario in your case. The better plan, imo, is to let the man's relationship with the other woman run its course - then, if ends his relationship with her, he's fair game.
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nicki_love: I cant suggest what you should do but I can tell you that knowing what I know now, after my past experience, I would never gauge my action on what a man says, especially in a situation like this. My ex was married and "separated" and we began our relationship.. oooh I thought he was so 'HONEST' with me about the entire thing... only to realise that all he said was just for a time and then I lost out! Sweetie, if I were in this situation, I would run! JMO
Wow nicki... was your gut feeling really telling you all was honest or was it your head and heart telling you...
I ask because I was severely played by a man whom I thought was the real deal many yrs ago and after 6 mths I finally admitted to myself what my gut feeling was trying to tell me all along but I refused to pay attention to it as all I wanted to believe were the excuses in my head and the yearning in my heart... it was this relationship that started my awareness that I even had a gut feeling but it took me many years of vulnerable hard knocks to perfect trusting it completely as I do today... just curious... please share with honesty as I would like to know how it evolved for you... if I'm not being to pushy that is
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mariespoodles: I agree ff2plus8... your opinion does matter... thanks for sharing everyones opinion matters, regardless if it agreed with or not
Thanks MP...
p.s listen to your gut and heart-it usually knows before your head figures it out.
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Ambrose2007: Well, after reading through the thread, I agree that he might be a perfectly good guy who behaved honorably, but that wasn't the reason I suggested that you look elsewhere for a romantic connection. The reason is simply that he's involved with another woman.
Now, if you're looking for a friend, without any romantic intentions (which isn't my sense), then I suppose it could be fine to attempt being friends with them. But a friendship with a man or woman who's involved in a romantic relationship, when you yourself are romantically inclined, is usually a recipe for relationship disaster. Given that you're romantically inclined, as your friendship grows you will naturally begin feeling romantic notions toward him. And quite possibly vice versa. And then the "fun" starts.
I see this as a likely scenario in your case. The better plan, imo, is to let the man's relationship with the other woman run its course - then, if ends his relationship with her, he's fair game.
Now, if you're looking for a friend, without any romantic intentions (which isn't my sense), then I suppose it could be fine to attempt being friends with them. But a friendship with a man or woman who's involved in a romantic relationship, when you yourself are romantically inclined, is usually a recipe for relationship disaster. Given that you're romantically inclined, as your friendship grows you will naturally begin feeling romantic notions toward him. And quite possibly vice versa. And then the "fun" starts.
I see this as a likely scenario in your case. The better plan, imo, is to let the man's relationship with the other woman run its course - then, if ends his relationship with her, he's fair game.
Yes Ambrose... these are very wise words you speak and I agree with many of your thoughts on this issue.
I also know that I'm very into knowing how to create boundaries and limitations and how those boundaries go depends on whether I am persuing a friend or a relationship... I certainly don't do friends with benefits
I do understand the difference... ------ This thread is Archived ------
mariespoodles: Wow nicki... was your gut feeling really telling you all was honest or was it your head and heart telling you...
I ask because I was severely played by a man whom I thought was the real deal many yrs ago and after 6 mths I finally admitted to myself what my gut feeling was trying to tell me all along but I refused to pay attention to it as all I wanted to believe were the excuses in my head and the yearning in my heart... it was this relationship that started my awareness that I even had a gut feeling but it took me many years of vulnerable hard knocks to perfect trusting it completely as I do today... just curious... please share with honesty as I would like to know how it evolved for you... if I'm not being to pushy that is
I ask because I was severely played by a man whom I thought was the real deal many yrs ago and after 6 mths I finally admitted to myself what my gut feeling was trying to tell me all along but I refused to pay attention to it as all I wanted to believe were the excuses in my head and the yearning in my heart... it was this relationship that started my awareness that I even had a gut feeling but it took me many years of vulnerable hard knocks to perfect trusting it completely as I do today... just curious... please share with honesty as I would like to know how it evolved for you... if I'm not being to pushy that is
MP.. I dont believe that anyone should be considered as pushy when asking for another person to share their experiences. As human beings, if we could help another person just by sharing our past, then we have done something good.
Now to answer your question... like you, I was being warned by my conscience but chose the ignore it because I was being shown everything that I wanted in a man! That relationship, despite being short-lived AND entirely based upon a fallacy, was the best one I ever had! The only thing though is that out of it came a beautiful little girl who is now being deprived of a relationship with her biological father! Unfortunately, because of my lack of wisdom, there were a lot of people hurt, including his wife and son, me, and now our little girl! Of course, we have survived and hopefully we'll grow and learn from this experience and maybe along the way, someone can learn from it too!
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Maybe he is married.......and maybe not.
Maybe he is a player......and maybe not.
Maybe the dates with the other lady aren't going as he hopes - so he's keeping Marie 'on the back burner'. And why not?
Maybe he has changed his mind about Marie so has invented this 'other woman'?
Maybe, actually, he is more worried about the fact that Marie is only recently seperated?
Was it Mindful who said, no wonder we are all single!