In need of advice All opinons welcome ( Archived) (22)

ok ok ok.... As I'm posting this new thread or what.... I have a serious but unique question and I'm pretty sure i will get a bunch of opinons on this I welcome them.... Alright you ladies and Gents: I have 2 children my first one is 1yrs of age and my second one is 5 monthz... Now give and Take me and my childrens mom have had our ends and outs. Meaning disagreementz or what not.. But I've sat up here and tried to be supportive and give her advice.. And it's like she's really to sensitive and takes things personally... And when I say sensitive and taking things personally I mean just those two words.. I was raised with both of my parents together married or what not.. Where as her parents were not married.. And we touch a topic about a month ago of where she had told me her dad had beat her mother.. And I was like " Wow hun I'm sorry to hear that had happened... And she was like ok , like I said we had our issues and I told her I was like : I would think that me and you should be able to work together for our childrens sake to where we can get along.... even if we don't see somethings eye to eye we can sit down and come to a positive aspect or agree to disagree.... and it's like she took it personally and I tried to tell her looki'm not being rude or even trying to come out that way i'm jus personally saying" WOuldn't you want a better life for our children then what you had when you was coming up?" I told her time and time again.. I understand that she could possibly never relate to the way I was raised but just b/c I had that moral support system from my family.. What women wouldnt appriciate a man that tries to do the right thing meaning...That yeah I pay child support but by that same token I still wanted to be with her and I wanted us to raise our children together as 1 rather than her have to go at it basically by her self or seperate... And she took it like i was personally attackin her when I asked the ? "wouldn't you want a better life for our children then what you had... Now keep in mind I'm 24 years of age and she is 25 yrs of age.. So i'm like ok "shes older than I am so she should understand exaclty where I'm coming from cuz they say " a women matures alot quicker than a man" So my honest questions are these.. Why did she tell me that she didn't want to be with me anymore? LMAO she chose a 22 yr old guy over a man that laid down with her(meaning me) I'm the one that laid down with her and she gave birth to my two lil girlz and left me for someone younger... I really don't get it and I told her this I'm ok you wanna be with someone younger than thats on you i'm not mad @ all I'm hurt that I spent two years with you and its like i felt like you used me to get a child support check and you took things personally that i said but in the sense of reality i was trying to help you out.. and trying to make things brighter...but hey I just need a lil bit of advice please and thanks all opinions welcome!!!! Why would you leave the father of your children to be with someone who is younger and honestly why would a 22yr old take care of two children that he didnt help make when their is a man(meaning me) that wanted the woman and his children in his life? Where did I go wrong>????

I think the best thing to worry about is to make sure the kids feel loved by both parents.When two people break up it is usually boths parents fault,not just one.Theres two sides to every story,we just only heard yours so i will comment no more on that...good luck...

WOW....hard to understand your post. But, I will give it a whirl. First of all, she didn't use you for the child support check....those are your children....you need to pay support whether you are with her or not. Not a using situation there....following me? Your children deserve your support whether you are with their baby's momma or not. Secondly, maybe you hit a sore spot with her and her childhood. If things hurt too much, people sometimes don't like to talk about it and only will when they are ready, if ever. Thirdly, why try to figure it out? It is too hard to get into a person's head and figure out what they are thinking and we cannot control others actions or behaviors. Now with that being said, insanity is repeating the same mistakes over and over again expecting different results.....so don't make things confusing doing the same things in the future with the same person expecting it to be different because it won't be. Move on, do something different.

I think you need time out to get over this relationship.......your baby needs you...........as to why she left and went of with another man.......don't blame yourself.......too much......take responsibility for the mistakes that you made and forgive yourself.......and the mother of your daughters......it takes two to tango in a relationship....I wish you all the best

TP4G

i didnt find your post hard to understand at all

i am feelin maybe she wants someone that isnt mature and doesnt have insight and will not discuss feelings and adult issues like healing her past and being accountable for what these girls will live/learn
this could change

you have been real

as time goes on you two may end up together but dont hope and wait forever

i am just sensing that if this is the first time she has opened that pandoras box and shared with a man her painful past-
that it was very big for her and she is running in the other direction from those feelings for a minute

you talk about feelings-thats what families do-
she doesnt know how to do that-doesnt mean she doesnt want that.

give her time

keep your words short and simple and for real- dont say anything you dont mean

if you are gonna say i am here- then be there. dont be a doormat-
but be true to your word

she is afraid to trust a man. i understand that-
this is all hard for you to watch but stay calm-
even if you dont get back together you can be a man for her and those girls that they will know there are good men.

best to you yella

You sound like a far better choice than some guy who is new to her. It seems that her upbringing has allowed her to dismiss the importance of having a father and husband around, which is plain wrong AND BAD for your children. All I can say is stay close to, and involved with, your daughters. I hope things work out for the best.

dont worry about defending yourself in here or taking things too personal

i know you are happy to pay

i get that you want the whole picture-
when we did not have a happy family or even a family that was comfortable we dont believe we are good enuf to deserve it-
thats just the psychological message we get.
so we run from the good guys.
i was 40 before i could accept the good guy.
i will pray for her that she heal better than that.

just be all you can be with what you got right now-the girls.
stay on your grind
keep it movin

I don't hate anyone's posts.....just entitled to my own opinion....and he was asking for all people's views....and I gave mine. If he doesn't like the view.....don't ask for it!