The " Monster" We Create.... ( Archived) (30)

I don't think she created a cheating husband, however, since she has allowed it to continue, she has played a part in it getting worse over the years.

In my situation, if I could have done something to change his abusive behavior, I would still be with him.

When it happened for the "first" time...(first that she knows i suppose) they had agreed to go to marriage counselling...she's the one that turned the car around and came home (cancelled the appt) to me that says she's not ready to "deal" with it...or couldn't..or whatever...but i do think what it said in loud and clear words to him, is that she was going to "put up with it"...and once you give over in those areas..they cannot be retrieved at a later date...

It was "ground" lost to her...

I agree with this to a certain extent, but not entirely. I read people pretty well, I think, but it's not always easy to discern a liar from one who is telling the truth, especially if they can do it without batting an eyelash, so to speak. It's not until after the relationship has been under way for a while, sometimes, that you realize what you've "gotten yourself into."

I have never been what I'd call "naive," but, since being honest is a natural trait for me, for the longest time I just presumed that most people were honest. I thought only really really "bad" people were dishonest. So I tended to take someone at their word until or unless I had reason to believe otherwise.

Now, sadly, I can't seem to do that anymore. I've been lied to so much that, if anything, I have a "yeah, yeah, whatever" or "I'll believe it when I see it" attitude. That's what happens when you get burned so much.

So, I don't think it's so much being attracted to a certain kind of person as it is that the kind of person you're attracted to just simply doesn't exist anymore -- or is so rare, anyway, that it's like looking for a needle in a haystack.

I think we are attracted to an ideal...in our minds....and we settle often for someone that presents us with that "ideal"....whether it's a game face or not...most times we don't see until we have decided whether to make that person a part of our lives.

This does happen, but I don't have any preconceived "ideals." I mean, not for any "fairybook prince" type of man, anyway.

I fully realize and accept that people have faults; Lord knows I do. But I will NOT put up with a liar, under any circumstances. Integrity is a HUGE deal to me and I've settled for men who have no integrity far too many times in my life. I simply won't do it anymore.

I settled because I was too impatient to wait, because I thought I couldn't do any better, or for a number of reasons, and I was absolutey MISERABLE. As much as I want someone in my life, I've come to realize that I'm much happier being by myself than I am with a man whom I cannot trust.

Touche.....all valid points....all acceptable...but seldom attainable.

..."I settled because I was too impatient to wait, because I thought I couldn't do any better, or for a number of reasons, and I was absolutey MISERABLE. "....

Been there done that...and no one to blame but myself..

..." think it's sometimes a game but I also think it involves other things. People take too much for granted. I can't speak for how women do, but I know that with some men, it's all about the thrill of the chase or whatever it is. Once he "gets" you, his ego has been fed and then he moves on to his next "conquest."..."

Been exposed to this one more times than i care to count...sure does make "moving on" harder hmmmm...

And in this instance "this guy" gets the woman the "last guy" created...

Yes, it does make moving on harder, and EVERY time, without fail, the guy will say, "But I'm not like all the other guys!" I've found that statement to be a huge red flag. Because what I've found out is, those guys who say they're not like all the other guys are more like other guys than the other guys are like the other guys. Or something like that.

hehehe