A little conundrum... (123)
Not sure why it would be a conundrum to do the right thing. His wife should get the full benefit of the estate.
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I would suggest the will would be contested by the wife , so the decision you would have to make would be based on this
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The talking,the kindness and taking the time to acknowledge him as a human being obviously meant a lot to him.
Although his previuous relationship fell apart,what you assume to be the reasons,could in fact only be a small part of it.
We all have a choice who we leave what we have to,and he made his choices,and out of respect to him,i would suggest his wishes are honoured.
Although his previuous relationship fell apart,what you assume to be the reasons,could in fact only be a small part of it.
We all have a choice who we leave what we have to,and he made his choices,and out of respect to him,i would suggest his wishes are honoured.
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jac379: I have a little story, imagine yourself as the protagonist...
You sometimes stop and chat to an elderly chap in your village/town when out and about. You develop a friendship based on this alone.
The man is unwell and in considerable pain, that over the years gets worse along with his drinking to numb the pain.
Some years go by and one day he tells you that his wife has left him. Do you think that she abandoned him in his time of need, or do you think its understandable that she can't live with him anymore?
The man is understandably distressed and angry, but when you see him out walking you listen and encourage his "moving on" victories and successes. You are aware that he is constantly drinking heavily.
He tells you one day, that he is going to make you the beneficiary of his estate when he dies. Do you give him your details, so that he can do this?
Again time passes, you haven't seen him in a while until a letter comes through your door informing you that he has died and that you are indeed the benificiary of his estate.
Is it fair to accept this? Given his drinking, pain and distress, did he make this decision with a clear mind? If his wife were to contest the will, would you fight it? Would you go to her and say this estate is rightfully yours?
You sometimes stop and chat to an elderly chap in your village/town when out and about. You develop a friendship based on this alone.
The man is unwell and in considerable pain, that over the years gets worse along with his drinking to numb the pain.
Some years go by and one day he tells you that his wife has left him. Do you think that she abandoned him in his time of need, or do you think its understandable that she can't live with him anymore?
The man is understandably distressed and angry, but when you see him out walking you listen and encourage his "moving on" victories and successes. You are aware that he is constantly drinking heavily.
He tells you one day, that he is going to make you the beneficiary of his estate when he dies. Do you give him your details, so that he can do this?
Again time passes, you haven't seen him in a while until a letter comes through your door informing you that he has died and that you are indeed the benificiary of his estate.
Is it fair to accept this? Given his drinking, pain and distress, did he make this decision with a clear mind? If his wife were to contest the will, would you fight it? Would you go to her and say this estate is rightfully yours?
She left so has no right or clame on his stuff, I might offer it to his kids if he had any but otherwise Id keep it, not out of greed mind you but out of his last wishes, The other possibility would be to give it to charity but it is clear he did not want her to have it and further more does not desurve it.
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jac379: I have a little story, imagine yourself as the protagonist...
You sometimes stop and chat to an elderly chap in your village/town when out and about. You develop a friendship based on this alone.
The man is unwell and in considerable pain, that over the years gets worse along with his drinking to numb the pain.
Some years go by and one day he tells you that his wife has left him. Do you think that she abandoned him in his time of need, or do you think its understandable that she can't live with him anymore?
The man is understandably distressed and angry, but when you see him out walking you listen and encourage his "moving on" victories and successes. You are aware that he is constantly drinking heavily.
He tells you one day, that he is going to make you the beneficiary of his estate when he dies. Do you give him your details, so that he can do this?
Again time passes, you haven't seen him in a while until a letter comes through your door informing you that he has died and that you are indeed the benificiary of his estate.
Is it fair to accept this? Given his drinking, pain and distress, did he make this decision with a clear mind? If his wife were to contest the will, would you fight it? Would you go to her and say this estate is rightfully yours?
You sometimes stop and chat to an elderly chap in your village/town when out and about. You develop a friendship based on this alone.
The man is unwell and in considerable pain, that over the years gets worse along with his drinking to numb the pain.
Some years go by and one day he tells you that his wife has left him. Do you think that she abandoned him in his time of need, or do you think its understandable that she can't live with him anymore?
The man is understandably distressed and angry, but when you see him out walking you listen and encourage his "moving on" victories and successes. You are aware that he is constantly drinking heavily.
He tells you one day, that he is going to make you the beneficiary of his estate when he dies. Do you give him your details, so that he can do this?
Again time passes, you haven't seen him in a while until a letter comes through your door informing you that he has died and that you are indeed the benificiary of his estate.
Is it fair to accept this? Given his drinking, pain and distress, did he make this decision with a clear mind? If his wife were to contest the will, would you fight it? Would you go to her and say this estate is rightfully yours?
no. no. no. no.
heya jacs xx
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langleygirl: Not sure why it would be a conundrum to do the right thing. His wife should get the full benefit of the estate.
except she is not the wife, she is the exwife, I know my ex is the last person i would want to get any of my stuff, that is why i have a will that spesifyes where it goes.
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find out about the other relatives
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time4fun4u: The talking,the kindness and taking the time to acknowledge him as a human being obviously meant a lot to him.
Although his previuous relationship fell apart,what you assume to be the reasons,could in fact only be a small part of it.
We all have a choice who we leave what we have to,and he made his choices,and out of respect to him,i would suggest his wishes are honoured.
Although his previuous relationship fell apart,what you assume to be the reasons,could in fact only be a small part of it.
We all have a choice who we leave what we have to,and he made his choices,and out of respect to him,i would suggest his wishes are honoured.
Jac
I have to agree with 4x4. 0n this I know it's hard, some times we dont understand how much a little kindness can mean too someone.Hi Dear
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scoutmaster1: except she is not the wife, she is the exwife, I know my ex is the last person i would want to get any of my stuff, that is why i have a will that spesifyes where it goes.
Wherein did she say that they were divorced? Maybe he made life so miserable for her that she didn't want to live with him anymore. Does that mean that she loses everything that she would have contributed to the marriage as well? A few kind words from a stranger doesn't entitle them to anything. The problem with such a story is that it doesn't give all the details
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give it to the wife and his kids
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If he had capacity, then its his choice who he leaves his wordly goods to. If someone wanted me to have something of theirs when they died I'd respect thet intent. I'd also respect due process and if it was contested work with whatever decision was made. Important thing would be the caring behind him giving in the first place, not so much whether you actually get the item ? 
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time4fun4u: The talking,the kindness and taking the time to acknowledge him as a human being obviously meant a lot to him.
Although his previuous relationship fell apart,what you assume to be the reasons,could in fact only be a small part of it.
We all have a choice who we leave what we have to,and he made his choices,and out of respect to him,i would suggest his wishes are honoured.
Although his previuous relationship fell apart,what you assume to be the reasons,could in fact only be a small part of it.
We all have a choice who we leave what we have to,and he made his choices,and out of respect to him,i would suggest his wishes are honoured.
OK, but did he make his choice out of bitterness towards his wife, or out of appreciation for a little kindness, or both? Was his choice rational, or taken in sound mind?
His wife no doubt spent many a year washing his socks and underpants etc. and that seems less appreciated than a wee chat, or two. (I know which one I think is the easier job!
)Say for example, the wife was financially secure and had more than enough of her own, the protagonist was struggling and this could put her children through university, or give them a secure roof over their heads. Would that make a difference in the moral dilema, or make his decision more understandable?
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langleygirl: Wherein did she say that they were divorced? Maybe he made life so miserable for her that she didn't want to live with him anymore. Does that mean that she loses everything that she would have contributed to the marriage as well? A few kind words from a stranger doesn't entitle them to anything. The problem with such a story is that it doesn't give all the details
I do have to agree more detales would help in making such a decision.
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emmaline: no. no. no. no.heya jacs xx
The last sentence of mine, I now realise doesn't read well.
Its meant to mean, if you were the protagonist, would you initiate the conversation to suggest its not fair that she didn't inherit?
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jac379: OK, but did he make his choice out of bitterness towards his wife, or out of appreciation for a little kindness, or both? Was his choice rational, or taken in sound mind?
His wife no doubt spent many a year washing his socks and underpants etc. and that seems less appreciated than a wee chat, or two. (I know which one I think is the easier job! )
Say for example, the wife was financially secure and had more than enough of her own, the protagonist was struggling and this could put her children through university, or give them a secure roof over their heads. Would that make a difference in the moral dilema, or make his decision more understandable?
His wife no doubt spent many a year washing his socks and underpants etc. and that seems less appreciated than a wee chat, or two. (I know which one I think is the easier job! )
Say for example, the wife was financially secure and had more than enough of her own, the protagonist was struggling and this could put her children through university, or give them a secure roof over their heads. Would that make a difference in the moral dilema, or make his decision more understandable?
there again more info would be nice. maybe she was not a good wife and did all those things, maybe she was a nagging witch to him, perhaps she left with another man.
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scoutmaster1: She left so has no right or clame on his stuff, I might offer it to his kids if he had any but otherwise Id keep it, not out of greed mind you but out of his last wishes, The other possibility would be to give it to charity but it is clear he did not want her to have it and further more does not desurve it.
Isn't understandable that she could no longer live with someone who is drinking so heavily? Does the fact that she left him, negate the fact that she spent many, many years as his wife, probably looking after him and putting up with his drinking and maybe his grumpiness/bad temper resulting from a combination of pain and drink?
To the protagonist, he was a lovely old man, but one never knows what goes on behind closed doors.
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jac379: OK, but did he make his choice out of bitterness towards his wife, or out of appreciation for a little kindness, or both? Was his choice rational, or taken in sound mind?
His wife no doubt spent many a year washing his socks and underpants etc. and that seems less appreciated than a wee chat, or two. (I know which one I think is the easier job! )
Say for example, the wife was financially secure and had more than enough of her own, the protagonist was struggling and this could put her children through university, or give them a secure roof over their heads. Would that make a difference in the moral dilema, or make his decision more understandable?
His wife no doubt spent many a year washing his socks and underpants etc. and that seems less appreciated than a wee chat, or two. (I know which one I think is the easier job! )
Say for example, the wife was financially secure and had more than enough of her own, the protagonist was struggling and this could put her children through university, or give them a secure roof over their heads. Would that make a difference in the moral dilema, or make his decision more understandable?
Whether he made it out of bitterness or not,it is his choice,its his estate.He no doubt did many things for his ex partner,thats what happens in a relationship,it is not done to gain any reward.
Would his wife leave anything to him,should she be the first to go? I would doubt it?
I for one have no contact with my family,as far as they are concerned,i dont exist.Why would i want to leave what i have to them,when they cant even be bothered to keep contact?
I would rather leave it to someone who has show me some kindness.
If you disagree with my opinion,i will change my will,and you wont get it all,as i was going to leave it all to you!
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lonelywoman55: Jac I have to agree with 4x4. 0n this I know it's hard, some times we dont understand how much a little kindness can mean too someone.Hi Dear
Hi, LW
But is a little kindness viewed disproportionately in comparison to all the traditionally unpaid input a woman makes to a marriage (remember these people are elderly)? She may have shown him many kindnesses that were taken for granted, or forgotten about in the distress of seperation.
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Is it for anyone else to judge him ? he can equally have been a complete beeeeeep to one person and a fantastic friend to another. Every dynamic is its own.
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You sometimes stop and chat to an elderly chap in your village/town when out and about. You develop a friendship based on this alone.
The man is unwell and in considerable pain, that over the years gets worse along with his drinking to numb the pain.
Some years go by and one day he tells you that his wife has left him. Do you think that she abandoned him in his time of need, or do you think its understandable that she can't live with him anymore?
The man is understandably distressed and angry, but when you see him out walking you listen and encourage his "moving on" victories and successes. You are aware that he is constantly drinking heavily.
He tells you one day, that he is going to make you the beneficiary of his estate when he dies. Do you give him your details, so that he can do this?
Again time passes, you haven't seen him in a while until a letter comes through your door informing you that he has died and that you are indeed the benificiary of his estate.
Is it fair to accept this? Given his drinking, pain and distress, did he make this decision with a clear mind? If his wife were to contest the will, would you fight it? Would you go to her and say this estate is rightfully yours?