A dilemma (32)
Aeterna: For years you've been trying to meet a man you would like and you would have a certain type of relationship with. But all men you meet are either:
1) men you like, but they want a different type of relationship
2) men you don't like, but they want the same type of relationship
You do the following:
1) start dating men you like, but since the type of relationship isn't the one you're are happy with, you become more and more unhappy as the relationship develops and in the end you have to finish it (usually feeling completely miserable). During the relationship you try either to adapt and accept the unwanted relationship or to wait and hope that the other person will change, but since neither you can change yourself nor the other person, in the end you have to give up of both
2) start dating men you don't like, compensating that with being happy with the type of relationship you are in. But it's hard to be intimate with the man you dislike physically and you feel like pretending all the time if you don't like him as a person or have a little in common with him. You start loosing yourself little by little, becoming more and more unhappy with yourself and your partner and in the end finish the relationship feeling even more miserable than after finishing the first type of relationship
3) staying alone and searching for a man who will match your criteria. You meet a lot of men, but all of them belong either to one of the mentioned groups or you dislike both them and the type of relationship they would like
You seem not to be able to find the right man and you get more and more scared of starting another one of described relationships knowing they will end with you (and sometimes your partner) feeling miserable. You also start to get tired of 'promising beginnings' that turn out not to be that promising at all. Sometimes men lie, other times you lie yourself because you want to believe so much that you finally found what you're looking for.
You start to consider giving up of trying to meet someone and staying alone doing other things in your life. If the right man comes your way - great, if he doesn't - doesn't matter - there are so many nice things to experience apart from having a happy relationship with someone. That's such a healthy attitude, but...
Having a happy relationship was always a very important part of your life. Maybe it has something to do with you being raised in an incomplete family, maybe it's completely personal. You don't want to be alone for the rest of your life because that also means being unhappy, maybe a little less than staying in an unsatisfactory relationship.
You start thinking that maybe it's not for everyone meant to have a happy relationship, no matter how hard (s)he tries, the same as some people can't be singers or good at mathematics or successful business persons, no matter what they do. Maybe you should accept your fate? Is it better to be unhappy by giving up or by trying and getting disappointed?
What if you give up and then meet the right person, but since you gave up, you don't recognize him and don't value what you can have with him any more? And maybe again lose the opportunity to be happy? If you get satisfied with life with no love, could you ever come back to appreciating love if it comes your way?
What are your opinions on this subject? Suggestions? What is the right thing to do?
Do you have "Cliff Notes" on this blog?1) men you like, but they want a different type of relationship
2) men you don't like, but they want the same type of relationship
You do the following:
1) start dating men you like, but since the type of relationship isn't the one you're are happy with, you become more and more unhappy as the relationship develops and in the end you have to finish it (usually feeling completely miserable). During the relationship you try either to adapt and accept the unwanted relationship or to wait and hope that the other person will change, but since neither you can change yourself nor the other person, in the end you have to give up of both
2) start dating men you don't like, compensating that with being happy with the type of relationship you are in. But it's hard to be intimate with the man you dislike physically and you feel like pretending all the time if you don't like him as a person or have a little in common with him. You start loosing yourself little by little, becoming more and more unhappy with yourself and your partner and in the end finish the relationship feeling even more miserable than after finishing the first type of relationship
3) staying alone and searching for a man who will match your criteria. You meet a lot of men, but all of them belong either to one of the mentioned groups or you dislike both them and the type of relationship they would like
You seem not to be able to find the right man and you get more and more scared of starting another one of described relationships knowing they will end with you (and sometimes your partner) feeling miserable. You also start to get tired of 'promising beginnings' that turn out not to be that promising at all. Sometimes men lie, other times you lie yourself because you want to believe so much that you finally found what you're looking for.
You start to consider giving up of trying to meet someone and staying alone doing other things in your life. If the right man comes your way - great, if he doesn't - doesn't matter - there are so many nice things to experience apart from having a happy relationship with someone. That's such a healthy attitude, but...
Having a happy relationship was always a very important part of your life. Maybe it has something to do with you being raised in an incomplete family, maybe it's completely personal. You don't want to be alone for the rest of your life because that also means being unhappy, maybe a little less than staying in an unsatisfactory relationship.
You start thinking that maybe it's not for everyone meant to have a happy relationship, no matter how hard (s)he tries, the same as some people can't be singers or good at mathematics or successful business persons, no matter what they do. Maybe you should accept your fate? Is it better to be unhappy by giving up or by trying and getting disappointed?
What if you give up and then meet the right person, but since you gave up, you don't recognize him and don't value what you can have with him any more? And maybe again lose the opportunity to be happy? If you get satisfied with life with no love, could you ever come back to appreciating love if it comes your way?
What are your opinions on this subject? Suggestions? What is the right thing to do?
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Let go of some of your expectations.
Be happy if you find someone you like and they've been honest with you.
Or finally, you might need to re-examine the qualities you think you like in men.
Be happy if you find someone you like and they've been honest with you.
Or finally, you might need to re-examine the qualities you think you like in men.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Aeterna: For years you've been trying to meet a man you would like and you would have a certain type of relationship with. But all men you meet are either:
1) men you like, but they want a different type of relationship
2) men you don't like, but they want the same type of relationship
...What if you give up and then meet the right person, but since you gave up, you don't recognize him and don't value what you can have with him any more? And maybe again lose the opportunity to be happy? If you get satisfied with life with no love, could you ever come back to appreciating love if it comes your way?
What are your opinions on this subject? Suggestions? What is the right thing to do?
1) men you like, but they want a different type of relationship
2) men you don't like, but they want the same type of relationship
...What if you give up and then meet the right person, but since you gave up, you don't recognize him and don't value what you can have with him any more? And maybe again lose the opportunity to be happy? If you get satisfied with life with no love, could you ever come back to appreciating love if it comes your way?
What are your opinions on this subject? Suggestions? What is the right thing to do?
Aeterna, this is an excellent summary of where a lot of single and hopeful people find themselves after they have dated for a while. I was nodding as I was reading a lot of this. It can be very disheartening to feel consistent disappointment in dating, how matter how much you put yourself out there, or how much you try to be open to different possibilities.
I don't know what the answer is but I strongly believe that love doesn't find people who are negative about finding it. When I've met people in the past it was when I'd totally relaxed and in a sense, stopped looking. I can tell you that I was always in a very happy, open and positive state of mind.
There are no guarantees in love and finding it isn't easy - which of course, is why it is so desirable. After 20 plus years of dating I can tell you what I know for sure - if you aren't with a person who doesn't make you feel fantastic about 95% of the time, you're better off single. Being single can be lonely but IMO it's also exciting because you just never know whats around the corner. Being in a dead end relationship for the sake of having a partner? Life is just too short.
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daisy333: Aeterna, this is an excellent summary of where a lot of single and hopeful people find themselves after they have dated for a while. I was nodding as I was reading a lot of this. It can be very disheartening to feel consistent disappointment in dating, how matter how much you put yourself out there, or how much you try to be open to different possibilities.
I don't know what the answer is but I strongly believe that love doesn't find people who are negative about finding it. When I've met people in the past it was when I'd totally relaxed and in a sense, stopped looking. I can tell you that I was always in a very happy, open and positive state of mind.
There are no guarantees in love and finding it isn't easy - which of course, is why it is so desirable. After 20 plus years of dating I can tell you what I know for sure - if you aren't with a person who doesn't make you feel fantastic about 95% of the time, you're better off single. Being single can be lonely but IMO it's also exciting because you just never know whats around the corner. Being in a dead end relationship for the sake of having a partner? Life is just too short.
I don't know what the answer is but I strongly believe that love doesn't find people who are negative about finding it. When I've met people in the past it was when I'd totally relaxed and in a sense, stopped looking. I can tell you that I was always in a very happy, open and positive state of mind.
There are no guarantees in love and finding it isn't easy - which of course, is why it is so desirable. After 20 plus years of dating I can tell you what I know for sure - if you aren't with a person who doesn't make you feel fantastic about 95% of the time, you're better off single. Being single can be lonely but IMO it's also exciting because you just never know whats around the corner. Being in a dead end relationship for the sake of having a partner? Life is just too short.
miss daisy
thanks CL
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daisy333: Aeterna, this is an excellent summary of where a lot of single and hopeful people find themselves after they have dated for a while. I was nodding as I was reading a lot of this. It can be very disheartening to feel consistent disappointment in dating, how matter how much you put yourself out there, or how much you try to be open to different possibilities.
I don't know what the answer is but I strongly believe that love doesn't find people who are negative about finding it. When I've met people in the past it was when I'd totally relaxed and in a sense, stopped looking. I can tell you that I was always in a very happy, open and positive state of mind.
There are no guarantees in love and finding it isn't easy - which of course, is why it is so desirable. After 20 plus years of dating I can tell you what I know for sure - if you aren't with a person who doesn't make you feel fantastic about 95% of the time, you're better off single. Being single can be lonely but IMO it's also exciting because you just never know whats around the corner. Being in a dead end relationship for the sake of having a partner? Life is just too short.
altho I like how you think but I disagree with saying that a person should make me happy 95% of the time....I don't know what the answer is but I strongly believe that love doesn't find people who are negative about finding it. When I've met people in the past it was when I'd totally relaxed and in a sense, stopped looking. I can tell you that I was always in a very happy, open and positive state of mind.
There are no guarantees in love and finding it isn't easy - which of course, is why it is so desirable. After 20 plus years of dating I can tell you what I know for sure - if you aren't with a person who doesn't make you feel fantastic about 95% of the time, you're better off single. Being single can be lonely but IMO it's also exciting because you just never know whats around the corner. Being in a dead end relationship for the sake of having a partner? Life is just too short.
I feel I don't need anyone to make me happy ...that MY job not theirs...
nor will I go about my waking days worrying about if I have made my spouse 95% happy.
Get happy first ...then we can be happy together....to much work for me to make myself happy ...why throw yours on me ....sounds lazy to me
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grizzwald: altho I like how you think but I disagree with saying that a person should make me happy 95% of the time....
I feel I don't need anyone to make me happy ...that MY job not theirs...
nor will I go about my waking days worrying about if I have made my spouse 95% happy.
Get happy first ...then we can be happy together....to much work for me to make myself happy ...why throw yours on me ....sounds lazy to me
I feel I don't need anyone to make me happy ...that MY job not theirs...
nor will I go about my waking days worrying about if I have made my spouse 95% happy.
Get happy first ...then we can be happy together....to much work for me to make myself happy ...why throw yours on me ....sounds lazy to me
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grizzwald: altho I like how you think but I disagree with saying that a person should make me happy 95% of the time....
I feel I don't need anyone to make me happy ...that MY job not theirs...
nor will I go about my waking days worrying about if I have made my spouse 95% happy.
Get happy first ...then we can be happy together....to much work for me to make myself happy ...why throw yours on me ....sounds lazy to me
I feel I don't need anyone to make me happy ...that MY job not theirs...
nor will I go about my waking days worrying about if I have made my spouse 95% happy.
Get happy first ...then we can be happy together....to much work for me to make myself happy ...why throw yours on me ....sounds lazy to me
I agree that you cannot be comfortable with someone else, until you are comfortable with yourself first.
I think if each partner spent time making sure the *other* person was happy... would not *both* end up being happy?
In my last relationship... *I* was *totally* comfortable and happy... but didn't spend any time making sure my *partner* was. When someone else came along and made her happy... she went for it.
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Aeterna: For years you've been trying to meet a man you would like and you would have a certain type of relationship with. But all men you meet are either:
1) men you like, but they want a different type of relationship
2) men you don't like, but they want the same type of relationship
You do the following:
1) start dating men you like, but since the type of relationship isn't the one you're are happy with, you become more and more unhappy as the relationship develops and in the end you have to finish it (usually feeling completely miserable). During the relationship you try either to adapt and accept the unwanted relationship or to wait and hope that the other person will change, but since neither you can change yourself nor the other person, in the end you have to give up of both
2) start dating men you don't like, compensating that with being happy with the type of relationship you are in. But it's hard to be intimate with the man you dislike physically and you feel like pretending all the time if you don't like him as a person or have a little in common with him. You start loosing yourself little by little, becoming more and more unhappy with yourself and your partner and in the end finish the relationship feeling even more miserable than after finishing the first type of relationship
3) staying alone and searching for a man who will match your criteria. You meet a lot of men, but all of them belong either to one of the mentioned groups or you dislike both them and the type of relationship they would like
You seem not to be able to find the right man and you get more and more scared of starting another one of described relationships knowing they will end with you (and sometimes your partner) feeling miserable. You also start to get tired of 'promising beginnings' that turn out not to be that promising at all. Sometimes men lie, other times you lie yourself because you want to believe so much that you finally found what you're looking for.
You start to consider giving up of trying to meet someone and staying alone doing other things in your life. If the right man comes your way - great, if he doesn't - doesn't matter - there are so many nice things to experience apart from having a happy relationship with someone. That's such a healthy attitude, but...
Having a happy relationship was always a very important part of your life. Maybe it has something to do with you being raised in an incomplete family, maybe it's completely personal. You don't want to be alone for the rest of your life because that also means being unhappy, maybe a little less than staying in an unsatisfactory relationship.
You start thinking that maybe it's not for everyone meant to have a happy relationship, no matter how hard (s)he tries, the same as some people can't be singers or good at mathematics or successful business persons, no matter what they do. Maybe you should accept your fate? Is it better to be unhappy by giving up or by trying and getting disappointed?
What if you give up and then meet the right person, but since you gave up, you don't recognize him and don't value what you can have with him any more? And maybe again lose the opportunity to be happy? If you get satisfied with life with no love, could you ever come back to appreciating love if it comes your way?
What are your opinions on this subject? Suggestions? What is the right thing to do?
1) men you like, but they want a different type of relationship
2) men you don't like, but they want the same type of relationship
You do the following:
1) start dating men you like, but since the type of relationship isn't the one you're are happy with, you become more and more unhappy as the relationship develops and in the end you have to finish it (usually feeling completely miserable). During the relationship you try either to adapt and accept the unwanted relationship or to wait and hope that the other person will change, but since neither you can change yourself nor the other person, in the end you have to give up of both
2) start dating men you don't like, compensating that with being happy with the type of relationship you are in. But it's hard to be intimate with the man you dislike physically and you feel like pretending all the time if you don't like him as a person or have a little in common with him. You start loosing yourself little by little, becoming more and more unhappy with yourself and your partner and in the end finish the relationship feeling even more miserable than after finishing the first type of relationship
3) staying alone and searching for a man who will match your criteria. You meet a lot of men, but all of them belong either to one of the mentioned groups or you dislike both them and the type of relationship they would like
You seem not to be able to find the right man and you get more and more scared of starting another one of described relationships knowing they will end with you (and sometimes your partner) feeling miserable. You also start to get tired of 'promising beginnings' that turn out not to be that promising at all. Sometimes men lie, other times you lie yourself because you want to believe so much that you finally found what you're looking for.
You start to consider giving up of trying to meet someone and staying alone doing other things in your life. If the right man comes your way - great, if he doesn't - doesn't matter - there are so many nice things to experience apart from having a happy relationship with someone. That's such a healthy attitude, but...
Having a happy relationship was always a very important part of your life. Maybe it has something to do with you being raised in an incomplete family, maybe it's completely personal. You don't want to be alone for the rest of your life because that also means being unhappy, maybe a little less than staying in an unsatisfactory relationship.
You start thinking that maybe it's not for everyone meant to have a happy relationship, no matter how hard (s)he tries, the same as some people can't be singers or good at mathematics or successful business persons, no matter what they do. Maybe you should accept your fate? Is it better to be unhappy by giving up or by trying and getting disappointed?
What if you give up and then meet the right person, but since you gave up, you don't recognize him and don't value what you can have with him any more? And maybe again lose the opportunity to be happy? If you get satisfied with life with no love, could you ever come back to appreciating love if it comes your way?
What are your opinions on this subject? Suggestions? What is the right thing to do?
Since I am a scientist ( evil genius ) I invented a virus which will infect all Men on earth ( except me) and they will become ,either impotent or gay ,therefore I havn`t got such dilemma ...
Boban the hedonist...
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Boban1: Since I am a scientist ( evil genius ) I invented a virus which will infect all Men on earth ( except me) and they will become ,either impotent or gay ,therefore I havn`t got such dilemma ...
Boban the hedonist...
Boban the hedonist...
Get away from me with that needle Boban
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Ur_Knight: I agree that you cannot be comfortable with someone else, until you are comfortable with yourself first.
I think if each partner spent time making sure the *other* person was happy... would not *both* end up being happy?
In my last relationship... *I* was *totally* comfortable and happy... but didn't spend any time making sure my *partner* was. When someone else came along and made her happy... she went for it.
that's not your fault....that,s crap I think if each partner spent time making sure the *other* person was happy... would not *both* end up being happy?
In my last relationship... *I* was *totally* comfortable and happy... but didn't spend any time making sure my *partner* was. When someone else came along and made her happy... she went for it.
That was simply an excuse to cover her need to feed on the greener side of the fence.... don't fall for that ..
If she was not happy why not TELL you this instead of running off ?
There has to be more to it than that ....
You can choose to be happy....sometimes it is harder to do than other times.....but doing so does help to make a relationship work.
Everyone has an excuse for everything.....ownership of your own feelings is exactly that ...You own them so control them instead of them controlling you.
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grizzwald: If she was not happy why not TELL you this instead of running off ?There has to be more to it than that
She probably did... but I didn't listen
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Ur_Knight: She probably did... but I didn't listen
Well I can't say....but you seem to know your mistakes and you seem to have learned from them ....so good on you ...------ This thread is Archived ------
I agree with Grizz, you make yourself happy first then you can hope for the best with a partner in your life. Risks are taken... it's about exploration of another individual. You may not make the right decision, but then you might... and you may find your 'happily ever after'.
Interesting post.
Interesting post.
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hairymonkey: Let go of some of your expectations.
Be happy if you find someone you like and they've been honest with you.
Or finally, you might need to re-examine the qualities you think you like in men.
Be happy if you find someone you like and they've been honest with you.
Or finally, you might need to re-examine the qualities you think you like in men.
Monkey has a point here. Often times, we set our priorities so high that no one, or few, can meet them. On another site, a woman had a sister who had a huge list of qualities she demanded for her guys, and guess what? She couldn't find anybody! Well, duh! She then had the audacity to to complain that no men were availabile, when it was her overly-long list that was messing her up. It's okay to have some expectations, but let's not go overboard. For example, I can't stand cigarette smoke and I'm a non-drinker, but I wouldn't hold it against a woman if she had an occasional social drink. Monkey also mentions honesty. Wouldn't you rather have an honest partner, even if some of your other expectations weren't met? I sure would. I hate when people try to "fake it", instead of being honest. Finally, Monkey mentions reexamining your expectations to see which should really be priorities...excellent advice. Some priorities are more important, like safety, honesty, commitment level, etc.
Manroe - I can't play a guitar, but entertain you? Oh, most definitely I could entertain you. I've a very funny guy.
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HuggerMan4U: Manroe - I can't play a guitar, but entertain you? Oh, most definitely I could entertain you. I've a very funny guy.
Okay , i'll be glad to hear what kind of this entertainment all about ------ This thread is Archived ------
If you settle for the wrong guy than your heart will be otherwise occupied when the right guy happens by. Be true to yourself and enjoy life for what it is. Happiness is attractive
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It will only be a dilema if you let it be.Relax,dont analyse,just enjoy your life,and it will happen.
If it doesnt,at least your enjoying yourself and having new experiences.
If it doesnt,at least your enjoying yourself and having new experiences.
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time4fun4u: It will only be a dilema if you let it be.Relax,dont analyse,just enjoy your life,and it will happen.
If it doesnt,at least your enjoying yourself and having new experiences.
If it doesnt,at least your enjoying yourself and having new experiences.
I agree .. the only way to go
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time4fun4u: It will only be a dilema if you let it be.Relax,dont analyse,just enjoy your life,and it will happen.
If it doesnt,at least your enjoying yourself and having new experiences.
.....hi.....T very true..,er,,,,could you lend me ten thousands......to do this.......If it doesnt,at least your enjoying yourself and having new experiences.
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1) men you like, but they want a different type of relationship
2) men you don't like, but they want the same type of relationship
You do the following:
1) start dating men you like, but since the type of relationship isn't the one you're are happy with, you become more and more unhappy as the relationship develops and in the end you have to finish it (usually feeling completely miserable). During the relationship you try either to adapt and accept the unwanted relationship or to wait and hope that the other person will change, but since neither you can change yourself nor the other person, in the end you have to give up of both
2) start dating men you don't like, compensating that with being happy with the type of relationship you are in. But it's hard to be intimate with the man you dislike physically and you feel like pretending all the time if you don't like him as a person or have a little in common with him. You start loosing yourself little by little, becoming more and more unhappy with yourself and your partner and in the end finish the relationship feeling even more miserable than after finishing the first type of relationship
3) staying alone and searching for a man who will match your criteria. You meet a lot of men, but all of them belong either to one of the mentioned groups or you dislike both them and the type of relationship they would like
You seem not to be able to find the right man and you get more and more scared of starting another one of described relationships knowing they will end with you (and sometimes your partner) feeling miserable. You also start to get tired of 'promising beginnings' that turn out not to be that promising at all. Sometimes men lie, other times you lie yourself because you want to believe so much that you finally found what you're looking for.
You start to consider giving up of trying to meet someone and staying alone doing other things in your life. If the right man comes your way - great, if he doesn't - doesn't matter - there are so many nice things to experience apart from having a happy relationship with someone. That's such a healthy attitude, but...
Having a happy relationship was always a very important part of your life. Maybe it has something to do with you being raised in an incomplete family, maybe it's completely personal. You don't want to be alone for the rest of your life because that also means being unhappy, maybe a little less than staying in an unsatisfactory relationship.
You start thinking that maybe it's not for everyone meant to have a happy relationship, no matter how hard (s)he tries, the same as some people can't be singers or good at mathematics or successful business persons, no matter what they do. Maybe you should accept your fate? Is it better to be unhappy by giving up or by trying and getting disappointed?
What if you give up and then meet the right person, but since you gave up, you don't recognize him and don't value what you can have with him any more? And maybe again lose the opportunity to be happy? If you get satisfied with life with no love, could you ever come back to appreciating love if it comes your way?
What are your opinions on this subject? Suggestions? What is the right thing to do?