Aeterna Forum Posts (30)

RE: How are you doing on CS?

I cannot recognize genuine people from scammers any more.

I'm thinking of deleting my account.

Orthodox Celts

They say the Celts lived here long time ago. Maybe it has to do something with that.

Orthodox Celts

This band is very popular in Serbia. The singer said that they had a concert in Ireland and that people there were very surprised that Irish music is listened in Serbia.

I'm really curious to find out what people of this forum think of their performing?

Rocky Road To Dublin


Star Of The County Down


This is their official website:

A dilemma

Thank you everyone for leaving your comments.

I opened the thread here and put a post in a blog, because I wanted to hear what other people think and at the same time to put it somewhere 'public' so that I can more easily think about it again and figure out what's wrong.

I realized that I mixed the priorities. My priority is definitely the type of relationship I want. That means: stop dealing with men I cannot have that kind of relationship from the very start. No matter how charming they are, no matter how many promises they make, no matter how much I 'think' I receive... That will help me avoid the first type of relationship.

Then I can deal only with people who want the same as I do. And I should be patient and, in time, I'll probably meet someone nice that I'll like. (I really have reasonable criteria.)

Maybe I lost too much time on men I had no future with and at the same time wasn't enough who I really am. My outer 'personality' (which is cheerful, talkative, fun and carefree) doesn't match my inner 'personality' (which is calm, serious and down-to-earth) and I always put my outer 'personality' first. We all develop some 'persona' during the life, something that we show to the outside world and it's definitely the part of us, but sometimes it's not all there is inside.

I guess I'll have to 'bridle' my outer 'personality' a little.

If this doesn't work out, you'll see me writing another thread in several years from now.

A dilemma

For years you've been trying to meet a man you would like and you would have a certain type of relationship with. But all men you meet are either:
1) men you like, but they want a different type of relationship
2) men you don't like, but they want the same type of relationship
You do the following:
1) start dating men you like, but since the type of relationship isn't the one you're are happy with, you become more and more unhappy as the relationship develops and in the end you have to finish it (usually feeling completely miserable). During the relationship you try either to adapt and accept the unwanted relationship or to wait and hope that the other person will change, but since neither you can change yourself nor the other person, in the end you have to give up of both
2) start dating men you don't like, compensating that with being happy with the type of relationship you are in. But it's hard to be intimate with the man you dislike physically and you feel like pretending all the time if you don't like him as a person or have a little in common with him. You start loosing yourself little by little, becoming more and more unhappy with yourself and your partner and in the end finish the relationship feeling even more miserable than after finishing the first type of relationship
3) staying alone and searching for a man who will match your criteria. You meet a lot of men, but all of them belong either to one of the mentioned groups or you dislike both them and the type of relationship they would like
You seem not to be able to find the right man and you get more and more scared of starting another one of described relationships knowing they will end with you (and sometimes your partner) feeling miserable. You also start to get tired of 'promising beginnings' that turn out not to be that promising at all. Sometimes men lie, other times you lie yourself because you want to believe so much that you finally found what you're looking for.
You start to consider giving up of trying to meet someone and staying alone doing other things in your life. If the right man comes your way - great, if he doesn't - doesn't matter - there are so many nice things to experience apart from having a happy relationship with someone. That's such a healthy attitude, but...
Having a happy relationship was always a very important part of your life. Maybe it has something to do with you being raised in an incomplete family, maybe it's completely personal. You don't want to be alone for the rest of your life because that also means being unhappy, maybe a little less than staying in an unsatisfactory relationship.
You start thinking that maybe it's not for everyone meant to have a happy relationship, no matter how hard (s)he tries, the same as some people can't be singers or good at mathematics or successful business persons, no matter what they do. Maybe you should accept your fate? Is it better to be unhappy by giving up or by trying and getting disappointed?
What if you give up and then meet the right person, but since you gave up, you don't recognize him and don't value what you can have with him any more? And maybe again lose the opportunity to be happy? If you get satisfied with life with no love, could you ever come back to appreciating love if it comes your way?
What are your opinions on this subject? Suggestions? What is the right thing to do?

RE: Two Words Keep One Same Round 9

strong coffee

RE: Do you rates photos?

I rate only animals' photos if someone has them in the profile and I notice them when I look at someone's profile. And I give them all 10's. I don't rate people's photos and I turned off that option in my profile too.

RE: What do you think of women smoking cigars?

I've never seen a woman smoking cigars, but many are smoking cigarettes, unfortunately. Nowadays women smoke more than men.

RE: What do you think of women with shaved heads?

I've never seen a woman with a shaved head in real life... I would probably think she's a punker or a member of some similar group.

RE: Honesty

Honesty can be very simple (black and white) and very complex (with all shades of grey).

For example:

1) simple (black and white) honesty that deals with facts:

How old are you? Are you married? Where do you live?

etc.

2) complex (with all shades of grey) honesty that deals with opinions and feelings:

How do I look in this red dress?

The answer to the question depends on someone's taste. There isn't universal truth about the dress. I might think the person looks bad in it, but someone else might like it. If the person who asks the question is insecure about herself would I do her good or harm by saying that I (don't) like it? Is my 'honesty' helpful or harmful? What is more important - someone's feelings and self-esteem or my 'stating of my personal opinion because I'm an honest person'? There's no black and white answer to this question. Our reply (or no reply) would depend on our relationship with the person, on her personality and circumstances. Every situation is different.

I think that people generally want other people to be honest with them when they deal with facts and when they state they need someone who's honest, they want someone who wouldn't lie that (s)he's single although that (s)he's married, who wouldn't have parallel hidden relationships, etc. But people do want and expect from others to take care of their feelings when stating personal thoughts and opinions. And from time to time everyone needs an encouraging lie more than a brutal ugly truth just to be able to go on.

RE: How long should take before you Skype

They seemed very happy talking about themselves and sending various photos and pretty much didn't notice mine: 'I'm thirsty... I'm hungry...'. I probably should have just said: 'I have an hour for a chat and then I have to leave'.

RE: How long should take before you Skype

It is very useful.

Usually that depends, but I like to speak on skype as soon as possible - after a few days or a week of exchanging e-mails, maybe? I cannot judge a person by e-mails and chats only. I like to hear their voice and see them on camera.

The only problem with skype is that I seem not to be assertive enough to finish the call in time. Last three men I was talking to kept me on skype for 4 hours each and hardly let me go. Now I hesitate to talk to them again.

RE: What is your perception of a real "man"

RE: What is your perception of a real "man"

My dream man makes me feel secure in every way.

RE: if I say that I search a handsome, witty, rich guy of a fertile age to fall in love with -

Pretty and witty is easy. But if you become rich yourself - the whole world is all yours! You can have whomever you want.

RE: What's in ur mind right now? say it with 1 word only

a horseshoe

RE: Music for your mood

RE: Do you feel safe meeting someone from the internet?

Yes.

RE: What's with the worldwide who's viewed me?

So many invitations to see Ireland! I'm flattered.

RE: if I say that I search a handsome, witty, rich guy of a fertile age to fall in love with -

I think it's a very ambitious goal.

How do you plan to achieve it?



Rich people can buy the best.

I think it's hard to be that 'best', since there are so many women with all kinds of virtues: beautiful, educated, sophisticated, etc. all around the world looking for the 'best' themselves...

RE: What's the drink for you at the end of a hard day?

When I'm tired - always coffee. Before sleep - sometimes white coffee.

RE: What's with the worldwide who's viewed me?

I don't check who viewed me, but I myself sometimes look at profiles of people who write interesting blogs or forum posts, just because I'm curious to see what they wrote in their profiles or what kind of photos they put. At the same time I'm not at all interested in them. Btw, you put Serbia on the other continent as I can see. It's in Europe, but too distant from Ireland, I agree.

RE: Would you date this man?

Maybe the first photos were 40 years old and now he sent 20 year old photos, so it might turn out that he's 76! Who knows what else he lied!

RE: Music for your mood

RE: Are your photos current - showing the real you?

In my profile I put a photo with a date on it: August 19th, 2011. These photos are the most recent ones I have.

There's no point in putting old photos or professionally taken photos in your profile, because people will sooner or later find out that's not 'real you' and you'll only get disappointed by their disappointment in the end.

I must admit that men are usually more attractive via skype or in real life than on photos. At least the ones I was talking to.

RE: Thread against the thread "When i can not make you love me"

I was talking to a friend once and she said something I later thought a lot about. I'm paraphrasing her words:

'If someone thought you're not worth enough for him to be your boyfriend in the beginning and you try and try and do everything you can to have him and patiently wait for him and in the end you get him - what exactly do you get? You get a man who couldn't find anything better than you in the meantime, so he decided to do with the second-best not to be alone'.

After thinking about this, I completely lost motivation to wait for someone or to put too much effort in making someone mine. Isn't it better to be with someone who thinks you have worth from the very beginning?

RE: can you find the right one via a datingsite?

That depends on what you're looking for, I think.

To be honest, I doubt I can.

RE: Thread against the thread "When i can not make you love me"

Could not agree more.

RE: WHAT ARE THE 5 BEST DATING SITES IN EUROPE ?

I was searching for something like that too (European dating site), but didn't find anything satisfying. Most dating sites in English are either mainly for people from USA or for people from English speaking countries (USA, Canada, Australia, UK, etc.). UK is the nearest, but still too far away from my country. I primarily want to meet people from other European countries that are closer to mine, so that I can have a real chance to meet them in real life too. There are plenty of local sites in all European languages, but nothing interesting in English. That's really too bad.

RE: Music for your mood