A dilemma (32)
time4fun4uAlicante, Valencia Spain18 Threads 1 Polls 10,066 Poststrueheart1941: .....hi.....T very true..,er,,,,could you lend me ten thousands......to do this.......
Hi mate..ten thousand? Wont the plastic surgery cost more? 
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time4fun4u: It will only be a dilema if you let it be.Relax,dont analyse,just enjoy your life,and it will happen.
If it doesnt,at least your enjoying yourself and having new experiences.
If it doesnt,at least your enjoying yourself and having new experiences.
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I woke up one morning and decided to take life as it comes ...my mood didn last til noon .
Then I discovered Tranquilizer...
Then I discovered Tranquilizer...
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Ur_Knight: I agree that you cannot be comfortable with someone else, until you are comfortable with yourself first.
I think if each partner spent time making sure the *other* person was happy... would not *both* end up being happy?
In my last relationship... *I* was *totally* comfortable and happy... but didn't spend any time making sure my *partner* was. When someone else came along and made her happy... she went for it.
I think if each partner spent time making sure the *other* person was happy... would not *both* end up being happy?
In my last relationship... *I* was *totally* comfortable and happy... but didn't spend any time making sure my *partner* was. When someone else came along and made her happy... she went for it.
I do think that you have to be comfortable with yourself first and that should be Ur_Knight. However, I agree with you and also do feel that we need to extend that to make sure in a relationship that we take the time to make sure our partner is comfortable and happy too. That is the other part of the circle of the relationship. Because when the relationship really isn't complete in an emotional comfortable secure sense,it is broken or frayed and the other person may well take the opportunity to get involved with someone else that can satisfy that need and make them feel complete. Especially since loving relationships are based on more than just physical needs to be complete. . However, sometimes as you said, we do miss when a partner might have been telling us all along about their needs and we fail to listen or ignore what they are saying until too late and they have found someone else to fulfill those needs. That is the hardest part of relationship reality that we face I beleive. It is certainly quite painful if we go into a relationship with "eyes and mind closed". Probably the reason many don't succeed.
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I think if you did give up on love and magically it did appear one day, you would still recognize it. Don't ignore your wants and needs in a relationship just to have someone. Once I thought my expectations were too high and I settled for someone that was really not my type. The only thing I experienced during that time was the agony of it going any further. I was sure a happy camper when "he ended it". LOL LOL 
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Aeterna: For years you've been trying to meet a man you would like and you would have a certain type of relationship with. But all men you meet are either:
1) men you like, but they want a different type of relationship
2) men you don't like, but they want the same type of relationship
You do the following:
1) start dating men you like, but since the type of relationship isn't the one you're are happy with, you become more and more unhappy as the relationship develops and in the end you have to finish it (usually feeling completely miserable). During the relationship you try either to adapt and accept the unwanted relationship or to wait and hope that the other person will change, but since neither you can change yourself nor the other person, in the end you have to give up of both
2) start dating men you don't like, compensating that with being happy with the type of relationship you are in. But it's hard to be intimate with the man you dislike physically and you feel like pretending all the time if you don't like him as a person or have a little in common with him. You start loosing yourself little by little, becoming more and more unhappy with yourself and your partner and in the end finish the relationship feeling even more miserable than after finishing the first type of relationship
3) staying alone and searching for a man who will match your criteria. You meet a lot of men, but all of them belong either to one of the mentioned groups or you dislike both them and the type of relationship they would like
You seem not to be able to find the right man and you get more and more scared of starting another one of described relationships knowing they will end with you (and sometimes your partner) feeling miserable. You also start to get tired of 'promising beginnings' that turn out not to be that promising at all. Sometimes men lie, other times you lie yourself because you want to believe so much that you finally found what you're looking for.
You start to consider giving up of trying to meet someone and staying alone doing other things in your life. If the right man comes your way - great, if he doesn't - doesn't matter - there are so many nice things to experience apart from having a happy relationship with someone. That's such a healthy attitude, but...
Having a happy relationship was always a very important part of your life. Maybe it has something to do with you being raised in an incomplete family, maybe it's completely personal. You don't want to be alone for the rest of your life because that also means being unhappy, maybe a little less than staying in an unsatisfactory relationship.
You start thinking that maybe it's not for everyone meant to have a happy relationship, no matter how hard (s)he tries, the same as some people can't be singers or good at mathematics or successful business persons, no matter what they do. Maybe you should accept your fate? Is it better to be unhappy by giving up or by trying and getting disappointed?
What if you give up and then meet the right person, but since you gave up, you don't recognize him and don't value what you can have with him any more? And maybe again lose the opportunity to be happy? If you get satisfied with life with no love, could you ever come back to appreciating love if it comes your way?
What are your opinions on this subject? Suggestions? What is the right thing to do?
1) men you like, but they want a different type of relationship
2) men you don't like, but they want the same type of relationship
You do the following:
1) start dating men you like, but since the type of relationship isn't the one you're are happy with, you become more and more unhappy as the relationship develops and in the end you have to finish it (usually feeling completely miserable). During the relationship you try either to adapt and accept the unwanted relationship or to wait and hope that the other person will change, but since neither you can change yourself nor the other person, in the end you have to give up of both
2) start dating men you don't like, compensating that with being happy with the type of relationship you are in. But it's hard to be intimate with the man you dislike physically and you feel like pretending all the time if you don't like him as a person or have a little in common with him. You start loosing yourself little by little, becoming more and more unhappy with yourself and your partner and in the end finish the relationship feeling even more miserable than after finishing the first type of relationship
3) staying alone and searching for a man who will match your criteria. You meet a lot of men, but all of them belong either to one of the mentioned groups or you dislike both them and the type of relationship they would like
You seem not to be able to find the right man and you get more and more scared of starting another one of described relationships knowing they will end with you (and sometimes your partner) feeling miserable. You also start to get tired of 'promising beginnings' that turn out not to be that promising at all. Sometimes men lie, other times you lie yourself because you want to believe so much that you finally found what you're looking for.
You start to consider giving up of trying to meet someone and staying alone doing other things in your life. If the right man comes your way - great, if he doesn't - doesn't matter - there are so many nice things to experience apart from having a happy relationship with someone. That's such a healthy attitude, but...
Having a happy relationship was always a very important part of your life. Maybe it has something to do with you being raised in an incomplete family, maybe it's completely personal. You don't want to be alone for the rest of your life because that also means being unhappy, maybe a little less than staying in an unsatisfactory relationship.
You start thinking that maybe it's not for everyone meant to have a happy relationship, no matter how hard (s)he tries, the same as some people can't be singers or good at mathematics or successful business persons, no matter what they do. Maybe you should accept your fate? Is it better to be unhappy by giving up or by trying and getting disappointed?
What if you give up and then meet the right person, but since you gave up, you don't recognize him and don't value what you can have with him any more? And maybe again lose the opportunity to be happy? If you get satisfied with life with no love, could you ever come back to appreciating love if it comes your way?
What are your opinions on this subject? Suggestions? What is the right thing to do?
I'm afraid I can't offer any suggestions. I was nodding too because it's the same tiring dilemma. Same cycle. You take *time out*, start feeling good about yourself, you remain hopeful, you open up...hear and feel *it's different this time*...and then it goes backwards 180 deg all over again. Actions always speak louder than words.
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newinsouth: I think if you did give up on love and magically it did appear one day, you would still recognize it. Don't ignore your wants and needs in a relationship just to have someone. Once I thought my expectations were too high and I settled for someone that was really not my type. The only thing I experienced during that time was the agony of it going any further. I was sure a happy camper when "he ended it". LOL LOL
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Thank you everyone for leaving your comments. 
I opened the thread here and put a post in a blog, because I wanted to hear what other people think and at the same time to put it somewhere 'public' so that I can more easily think about it again and figure out what's wrong.
I realized that I mixed the priorities. My priority is definitely the type of relationship I want. That means: stop dealing with men I cannot have that kind of relationship from the very start. No matter how charming they are, no matter how many promises they make, no matter how much I 'think' I receive... That will help me avoid the first type of relationship.
Then I can deal only with people who want the same as I do. And I should be patient and, in time, I'll probably meet someone nice that I'll like. (I really have reasonable criteria.)
Maybe I lost too much time on men I had no future with and at the same time wasn't enough who I really am. My outer 'personality' (which is cheerful, talkative, fun and carefree) doesn't match my inner 'personality' (which is calm, serious and down-to-earth) and I always put my outer 'personality' first. We all develop some 'persona' during the life, something that we show to the outside world and it's definitely the part of us, but sometimes it's not all there is inside.
I guess I'll have to 'bridle' my outer 'personality' a little.
If this doesn't work out, you'll see me writing another thread in several years from now.
I opened the thread here and put a post in a blog, because I wanted to hear what other people think and at the same time to put it somewhere 'public' so that I can more easily think about it again and figure out what's wrong.
I realized that I mixed the priorities. My priority is definitely the type of relationship I want. That means: stop dealing with men I cannot have that kind of relationship from the very start. No matter how charming they are, no matter how many promises they make, no matter how much I 'think' I receive... That will help me avoid the first type of relationship.
Then I can deal only with people who want the same as I do. And I should be patient and, in time, I'll probably meet someone nice that I'll like. (I really have reasonable criteria.)
Maybe I lost too much time on men I had no future with and at the same time wasn't enough who I really am. My outer 'personality' (which is cheerful, talkative, fun and carefree) doesn't match my inner 'personality' (which is calm, serious and down-to-earth) and I always put my outer 'personality' first. We all develop some 'persona' during the life, something that we show to the outside world and it's definitely the part of us, but sometimes it's not all there is inside.
I guess I'll have to 'bridle' my outer 'personality' a little.
If this doesn't work out, you'll see me writing another thread in several years from now.
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Aeterna: Thank you everyone for leaving your comments.
I opened the thread here and put a post in a blog, because I wanted to hear what other people think and at the same time to put it somewhere 'public' so that I can more easily think about it again and figure out what's wrong.
I realized that I mixed the priorities. My priority is definitely the type of relationship I want. That means: stop dealing with men I cannot have that kind of relationship from the very start. No matter how charming they are, no matter how many promises they make, no matter how much I 'think' I receive... That will help me avoid the first type of relationship.
Then I can deal only with people who want the same as I do. And I should be patient and, in time, I'll probably meet someone nice that I'll like. (I really have reasonable criteria.)
Maybe I lost too much time on men I had no future with and at the same time wasn't enough who I really am. My outer 'personality' (which is cheerful, talkative, fun and carefree) doesn't match my inner 'personality' (which is calm, serious and down-to-earth) and I always put my outer 'personality' first. We all develop some 'persona' during the life, something that we show to the outside world and it's definitely the part of us, but sometimes it's not all there is inside.
I guess I'll have to 'bridle' my outer 'personality' a little.
If this doesn't work out, you'll see me writing another thread in several years from now.
I opened the thread here and put a post in a blog, because I wanted to hear what other people think and at the same time to put it somewhere 'public' so that I can more easily think about it again and figure out what's wrong.
I realized that I mixed the priorities. My priority is definitely the type of relationship I want. That means: stop dealing with men I cannot have that kind of relationship from the very start. No matter how charming they are, no matter how many promises they make, no matter how much I 'think' I receive... That will help me avoid the first type of relationship.
Then I can deal only with people who want the same as I do. And I should be patient and, in time, I'll probably meet someone nice that I'll like. (I really have reasonable criteria.)
Maybe I lost too much time on men I had no future with and at the same time wasn't enough who I really am. My outer 'personality' (which is cheerful, talkative, fun and carefree) doesn't match my inner 'personality' (which is calm, serious and down-to-earth) and I always put my outer 'personality' first. We all develop some 'persona' during the life, something that we show to the outside world and it's definitely the part of us, but sometimes it's not all there is inside.
I guess I'll have to 'bridle' my outer 'personality' a little.
If this doesn't work out, you'll see me writing another thread in several years from now.
You'll do just fine
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Tis a difficult one for sure, but the way I see it is this:
If things are not working out, or you are meeting the wrong kind of men for you, look into yourself and ask what it is you are really seeking. Why do you want to be in a relationship? What can you give it? What are you looking to get from it? Are there any aspects of yourself or your life other than relationships that you are discontented with?
I think its important to really know yourself what you as an individual wants; not what society expects you to have, but what YOU want and need. If you find aspects of yourself and/or you life you dislike, work on them until you are happy with the result first. Dont promise yourself more than you can give, and be realistic about your expectations.
I wish you luck, and happiness.
If things are not working out, or you are meeting the wrong kind of men for you, look into yourself and ask what it is you are really seeking. Why do you want to be in a relationship? What can you give it? What are you looking to get from it? Are there any aspects of yourself or your life other than relationships that you are discontented with?
I think its important to really know yourself what you as an individual wants; not what society expects you to have, but what YOU want and need. If you find aspects of yourself and/or you life you dislike, work on them until you are happy with the result first. Dont promise yourself more than you can give, and be realistic about your expectations.
I wish you luck, and happiness.
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grizzwald: Do you have "Cliff Notes" on this blog?
Man, this poor girl reminds me of me (at her age, and even now a bit) - Zeus help her!
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Ambrose2007: Man, this poor girl reminds me of me (at her age, and even now a bit) - Zeus help her!
This is your kind of thread, aint it, J?
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