Second Chances... (55)
Glengirl: If you can't trust the person you're with, you shouldn't be there.
True
granuaile: So say for argument sake, you were in a really good relationship with someone for a number of years, before the addiction took hold, then what you don't try to help them, you kick them out to touch, tell them they're on their own.
That's a real ecumenical question there. So they chose to pursue gambling, drugs or alcohol to the point of addiction while you though you were having a 'really good relationship' with them? Relationships are dynamic. If one partner decides they are gay or want to be a monk then it's over. If one parther decides to pursue a life of addiction, same thing, it's over.
tusiemc: absolutely macca your so special and an exception to the rule
Ah but i'd never do it in the first place, i tend to learn from my mistakes
Another question...
Would you go out with someone that has cheated in the past...more than once
mcattack: Ah but i'd never do it in the first place, i tend to learn from my mistakes
Another question...
Would you go out with someone that has cheated in the past...more than once
Another question...
Would you go out with someone that has cheated in the past...more than once
Jeez Macca, what's with all the questions? Are you the cheater or the cheatee?
This time last year (exactly a year ago this Friday
), someone I have know most of my life decided we "belonged" together!!! For as long as I have known him, he has been a serial cheater, so it that case, no, I wouldn't date him.Other than that, it would depend on the circumstances......did he cheat on people years ago but has since grown up??? Case by case scenario
mcattack: Ah but i'd never do it in the first place, i tend to learn from my mistakes
Another question...
Would you go out with someone that has cheated in the past...more than once
Another question...
Would you go out with someone that has cheated in the past...more than once
jeez do you have an easier questions?!
I think someone's past is their past we've all done things (not necessarily cheating) that were not proud of but as long as they have learned their lesson and treat me right then yes I would and completely base it on our relationship in the now..if you know what I mean
Glengirl: Jeez Macca, what's with all the questions? Are you the cheater or the cheatee?
This time last year (exactly a year ago this Friday ), someone I have know most of my life decided we "belonged" together!!! For as long as I have known him, he has been a serial cheater, so it that case, no, I wouldn't date him.
Other than that, it would depend on the circumstances......did he cheat on people years ago but has since grown up??? Case by case scenario
This time last year (exactly a year ago this Friday ), someone I have know most of my life decided we "belonged" together!!! For as long as I have known him, he has been a serial cheater, so it that case, no, I wouldn't date him.
Other than that, it would depend on the circumstances......did he cheat on people years ago but has since grown up??? Case by case scenario
I'm only reading what's on the cards in front of me
Ah no but seriously yeah i've cheated before and really hurt people, got back together with the person but it was never the same after that, she just couldn't get over it, i'd like to think i wouldn't do it again, obviously i can't say i NEVER would, nobody can, but if the shoe was on the other foot and it happened to me then i'd be willing to give someone i loved a second chance and if i wanted to be with them and thought we had a future together then i'd try and make it work
tusiemc: jeez do you have an easier questions?!
I think someone's past is their past we've all done things (not necessarily cheating) that were not proud of but as long as they have learned their lesson and treat me right then yes I would and completely base it on our relationship in the now..if you know what I mean
I think someone's past is their past we've all done things (not necessarily cheating) that were not proud of but as long as they have learned their lesson and treat me right then yes I would and completely base it on our relationship in the now..if you know what I mean
Ah sure the harder the better...questions that is
if she cheated then i wouldnt give her a second anything. hell no.
Seafilly: Cheating may be a single occurrence. An addiction is ongoing.
some people would argue that cheating is an addiction.
facetowardsfront: That's a real ecumenical question there. So they chose to pursue gambling, drugs or alcohol to the point of addiction while you though you were having a 'really good relationship' with them? Relationships are dynamic. If one partner decides they are gay or want to be a monk then it's over. If one parther decides to pursue a life of addiction, same thing, it's over.
granuaile: that's all I'm saying a relationship must be worth trying to save, if they don't want your help fair enough, but at least you will have tried, I said
everyone is entitled to a second chance where as you said no not a hope in hell, but now your saying maybe if they came back clean.
everyone is entitled to a second chance where as you said no not a hope in hell, but now your saying maybe if they came back clean.
Oh they'll take your help alright and they'll say they want to change but they can't and they'll cry about it and tell you how they want the old days back and anything else they have to tell you to keep their addiction support clown in place. Don't be fooled. They only mean it until the next urge to use, which is probably already in their head but they are holding off because they are humouring you. I said maybe if they got clean but that would be an assesment I would only make when they were at least a year clean.
facetowardsfront: Oh they'll take your help alright and they'll say they want to change but they can't and they'll cry about it and tell you how they want the old days back and anything else they have to tell you to keep their addiction support clown in place. Don't be fooled. They only mean it until the next urge to use, which is probably already in their head but they are holding off because they are humouring you. I said maybe if they got clean but that would be an assesment I would only make when they were at least a year clean.
Which is what I told my ex when he asked if he could come back after 11 weeks sober, we had been married 14 years at that stage and more chances given than I can count (yes I enabled him) anyway, his response was to go out the night I gave him that answer get pissed and call me to threaten suicide and tell me it would be my fault for saying no.
Re the OP, as I get older I find I am more black and white with these things, experience, and no second chances here and I am not just talking about cheating.
mcattack: Do you think everyone deserves a second chance in a relationship or are you the the "once bitten twice shy" type of person??
Now i know the people that have been burned by a cheat before will say "once a cheater always a cheater" and all that craic, i'm all for giving someone a second chance, of course it depends who it was and how i felt about them, but if i loved her then i'd give her a second chance and see if we can rebuild our relationship and start trusting again....well??
Now i know the people that have been burned by a cheat before will say "once a cheater always a cheater" and all that craic, i'm all for giving someone a second chance, of course it depends who it was and how i felt about them, but if i loved her then i'd give her a second chance and see if we can rebuild our relationship and start trusting again....well??
Short answer is yes. i'd give a second chance (I'd think about seriously about sticky thirds).
mcattack: Why though?? have you ever cheated on anyone??
I've been through this before. 3 serious relations, didn't cheat.
MADDOG69: I've been through this before. 3 serious relations, didn't cheat.
MD there's your problem. You have to lose this guilt thingy you have. Basically don't look at it as cheating (it's not cards)..Think of it as keeping the bloodline going.
Glatlol: Which is what I told my ex when he asked if he could come back after 11 weeks sober, we had been married 14 years at that stage and more chances given than I can count (yes I enabled him) anyway, his response was to go out the night I gave him that answer get pissed and call me to threaten suicide and tell me it would be my fault for saying no
Standard! He had probably saved up for a good 'drink' for the 11 weeks and was planning it when he called you. A place to crash, some food etc could have helped him stretch the session to get his levels up. You made the right decision. Hope the treatment is going well for you.
Phoenix: MD there's your problem. You have to lose this guilt thingy you have. Basically don't look at it as cheating (it's not cards)..Think of it as keeping the bloodline going.
It isn't guilt. I've seen 1st hand what infidelity leads to... broken homes, dreams crushed, futures wrecked. Why would I ever want to be like that?More Threads
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Exactly