What if forgiveness never comes? (16)
IhootIndianapolis, Indiana USA3 Threads 6 PostsMarried for 24 years . Ended about a year ago . Truthfully, have some anger and hurt. Was talking to a very nice lady. About a week she tells me I'm not over it untill I find forgiveness. Then dumps on me over it.. Then exits without another word. Is this true am I damaged until I forgive?
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Ihoot: Married for 24 years . Ended about a year ago . Truthfully, have some anger and hurt. Was talking to a very nice lady. About a week she tells me I'm not over it untill I find forgiveness. Then dumps on me over it.. Then exits without another word. Is this true am I damaged until I forgive?
Not in my opinion. You invested a lot of time in your marriage. It's normal to feel hurt.
I know from my own experience that once you meet the right person you will forget about being hurt in your marriage. It's wonderful to meet someone new and then have a reason for living and being happy again. Your divorce is still fresh. Maybe make a little time for yourself and forget about meeting someone new right now. You're not damaged.
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Ihoot: Married for 24 years . Ended about a year ago . Truthfully, have some anger and hurt. Was talking to a very nice lady. About a week she tells me I'm not over it untill I find forgiveness. Then dumps on me over it.. Then exits without another word. Is this true am I damaged until I forgive?
You are not damaged until you forgive. It's more about healing a broken heart and tucking away all the bad feelings so you can move forward in a new relationship. This is going to take time and perhaps a year isn't long enough.
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Ihoot: Married for 24 years . Ended about a year ago . Truthfully, have some anger and hurt. Was talking to a very nice lady. About a week she tells me I'm not over it untill I find forgiveness. Then dumps on me over it.. Then exits without another word. Is this true am I damaged until I forgive?
Do you believe everything someone TELLS you.
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Ihoot: Married for 24 years . Ended about a year ago . Truthfully, have some anger and hurt. Was talking to a very nice lady. About a week she tells me I'm not over it untill I find forgiveness. Then dumps on me over it.. Then exits without another word. Is this true am I damaged until I forgive?
A year isn´t very long to deal with emotional pain. Give yourself time, learn to live with yourelf and understand why it went wrong. It´s good to talk, but your own judgement takes precedence.
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Ihoot: Married for 24 years . Ended about a year ago . Truthfully, have some anger and hurt. Was talking to a very nice lady. About a week she tells me I'm not over it untill I find forgiveness. Then dumps on me over it.. Then exits without another word. Is this true am I damaged until I forgive?
Did she define her concept of forgiveness?
Was it the same as yours?
She may be right that you maybe need some more time to resolve the anger and hurt from the ending of your marriage, but she's not right in telling you how should find your own peace with that.
For some, forgiveness is an important aspect of letting go of anger and/or hurt. For others, a different word, or process describes the journey.
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Ihoot: Married for 24 years . Ended about a year ago . Truthfully, have some anger and hurt. Was talking to a very nice lady. About a week she tells me I'm not over it untill I find forgiveness. Then dumps on me over it.. Then exits without another word. Is this true am I damaged until I forgive?
Hi, people take different times and ways to be over a long-term marriage. Just go with what you feel best. Of course, there is hurt and anger, this time frame is a major part of your life. How did you express your hurt and anger to this lady? Or maybe this is how she dealt with something in her life and it has worked for her. Leaving suddenly without a word is sad, if you really meant something to her, she would have really listened and spent more time getting to know you. You are not damaged but mending and sometimes this takes longer than a year.....
I wish you all the best..
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Ihoot: Married for 24 years . Ended about a year ago . Truthfully, have some anger and hurt. Was talking to a very nice lady. About a week she tells me I'm not over it untill I find forgiveness. Then dumps on me over it.. Then exits without another word. Is this true am I damaged until I forgive?
You're allowed to lick your wounds and have compassion for yourself.
It will take time for the hurt and anger to subside, like any grieving process.
Perhaps the lady in question doesn't understand that we all have a past and we all take time to heal from the difficult bits
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Maybe you talked alot about your ex,women in general don't like this. JMO
Ihoot: Married for 24 years . Ended about a year ago . Truthfully, have some anger and hurt. Was talking to a very nice lady. About a week she tells me I'm not over it untill I find forgiveness. Then dumps on me over it.. Then exits without another word. Is this true am I damaged until I forgive?
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Ihoot: Married for 24 years . Ended about a year ago . Truthfully, have some anger and hurt. Was talking to a very nice lady. About a week she tells me I'm not over it untill I find forgiveness. Then dumps on me over it.. Then exits without another word. Is this true am I damaged until I forgive?
I think you've taken this a bit too personally. My reading of what this lady has said is that you are not ready to move on as you're not quite over your last relationship. I've been on both sides of this problem and it's like carrying another person along with the 2 of you. You'll find yourself criticizing her for something your ex was guilty for and vice versa. And in bad times you'll find yourself comparing your present partner at her worst to your previous one at her best.
So perhaps, you're just not ready yet to move on and that's ok. Don't look on it as being dumped. The lady obviously feels that the way things are just now, that you can't really build a future together. But for your own sake, try to forgive. Anger makes a terrible jailor of us all.
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Ihoot: Married for 24 years . Ended about a year ago . Truthfully, have some anger and hurt. Was talking to a very nice lady. About a week she tells me I'm not over it untill I find forgiveness. Then dumps on me over it.. Then exits without another word. Is this true am I damaged until I forgive?
Forgiveness needs to come yes, but when there is change in the person who needs to be forgiven. If they are still being what they were without remorse, or change, then I don't believe that you need to forgive them. they have done nothing to warrant it.
But you do need to come to a peace that what has happened has happened. I think this is more to the point. You need a peace that you were hurt, are hurting still, and will for a long time afterwards. It may no longer get to the point of being visible, but it will be there.
And with this peace you need to find a means of positively coping and getting on with your life. It is hard. I know. but this I think is more important than forgiving someone who does nothing to warrant forgiveness....
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If there is still a tomorrow, then there will always be a hope for every thing! (jmho)
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Sometimes life is simply choices we make. Choose differently and your outlook and life will be different.
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I think for myself, that when you can live your life without that other person being on your mind, being brought up in your conversations (on a regular basis), that there basically no feelings of anger/hurt etc. that are affecting your life etc. that one can say that they've moved forward.
Perhaps there might be the odd thing that comes up (ie. that you've buried and not realized) .... but what I'm trying to say is that generally on the whole your focus is looking forward, that you're in a better place to consider dating and/or establishing another relationship.
I've honestly talked with people who were stuck and OMG its draining as its all about them and their ex ......... so at the realization that there is no "us" I think its time to let them go and heal. That's why I don't date separated people as there is so much that they need to work through and that takes time.
Just from a couple of your comments I'd say that you realize that perhaps you need to slow down and work through some things ... that's OK, for I think its an important step to self realization and growth. I think its about bringing the best of you into a new relationship - so take the time and effort required to work on yourself. Your future relationships will bear the fruits of your labour.
Perhaps there might be the odd thing that comes up (ie. that you've buried and not realized) .... but what I'm trying to say is that generally on the whole your focus is looking forward, that you're in a better place to consider dating and/or establishing another relationship.
I've honestly talked with people who were stuck and OMG its draining as its all about them and their ex ......... so at the realization that there is no "us" I think its time to let them go and heal. That's why I don't date separated people as there is so much that they need to work through and that takes time.
Just from a couple of your comments I'd say that you realize that perhaps you need to slow down and work through some things ... that's OK, for I think its an important step to self realization and growth. I think its about bringing the best of you into a new relationship - so take the time and effort required to work on yourself. Your future relationships will bear the fruits of your labour.
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Ihoot: Married for 24 years . Ended about a year ago . Truthfully, have some anger and hurt. Was talking to a very nice lady. About a week she tells me I'm not over it untill I find forgiveness. Then dumps on me over it.. Then exits without another word. Is this true am I damaged until I forgive?
forgiving does notmean approval. forgiveness means leting go and move on, because otherwise it will consume all your energy. the fuel you need to get on with your life.
you are not alone. I have been hurt by my partners too.good luck
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Created: Jun 2013
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