Why aer my kids so Goddam Happy? (59)
jac379: Now, hold your horses there, Sister.
You agreed with my post that its not smacking per se which necessarily leads to depression in children, but...
You've just insulted Serena and then claimed that non-smacking leads to poorly behaved children who will end up in jail as adults.
Serena took on board, that whilst smacking is totally against her belief system, if your kids are happy and well adjusted, and her kids are happy and well adjusted, then possibly that within your very different styles of parenting something is working for you and your own kids.
You however, appear to have contradicted yourself in recognising that it might be some other factor(s) beyond smacking which has an impact on childhood adjustment when it suits your needs, but claim that non-smacking alone does have an impact when it suits your needs.
We can all mess up when it comes to consistency, we can all mess up when it comes to perfect parenting and none of us have complete control over our children's environment such that they never have any negative experiences outside of our influence which may lead to distress, unhappiness and maladjustment.
We each do the best we can with the skills we have at the time and I don't quite see the value in slagging off each other's parenting methods to justify our own. I don't think I was/am the perfect parent and if I see happy, well adjusted kids then there's perhaps something to learn from that regardless of different styles in parenting to help me make decisions about my role as a grandparent.
I was raised by someone who didn't have a clue about childhood because she didn't have one, through no fault of her own (don't mention the war). Largely, the 'role model' I had as a parent was my memory of being a child, but fortunately I have a damned good memory for things like that, so I could empathise with my daughter's reactions and behaviours reasonably well. I also recognise that I don't get into the mind of a child as well as some other people and I will ask respected others if I come up against something I don't know how to handle well.
I'm probably somewhere in between you and Serena when it comes to smacking. My daughter had a couple of stingers on the back of the leg as I dived across the room before she could get a bigger stinger from sticking her finger in the plug socket and I'm not adverse to swatting my granddaughter's hand out of the way if she's about to poke the screen of my laptop with a pencil.
However, I tend to growl at 'my' kids like a dog to warn them off from doing something they shouldn't. It does the trick, but they seem to find it funny. Someone else might be horrified that I growl at small children.
Certainly, my tendency to change the pitch of my voice to play both nurturing mum and authoritative dad (I have observed kids respond differently to men's and women's voices) has scared the living daylights out of other kids who appear to perceive it as inconsistent, whereas my daughter perceived it as consistent.
You agreed with my post that its not smacking per se which necessarily leads to depression in children, but...
You've just insulted Serena and then claimed that non-smacking leads to poorly behaved children who will end up in jail as adults.
Serena took on board, that whilst smacking is totally against her belief system, if your kids are happy and well adjusted, and her kids are happy and well adjusted, then possibly that within your very different styles of parenting something is working for you and your own kids.
You however, appear to have contradicted yourself in recognising that it might be some other factor(s) beyond smacking which has an impact on childhood adjustment when it suits your needs, but claim that non-smacking alone does have an impact when it suits your needs.
We can all mess up when it comes to consistency, we can all mess up when it comes to perfect parenting and none of us have complete control over our children's environment such that they never have any negative experiences outside of our influence which may lead to distress, unhappiness and maladjustment.
We each do the best we can with the skills we have at the time and I don't quite see the value in slagging off each other's parenting methods to justify our own. I don't think I was/am the perfect parent and if I see happy, well adjusted kids then there's perhaps something to learn from that regardless of different styles in parenting to help me make decisions about my role as a grandparent.
I was raised by someone who didn't have a clue about childhood because she didn't have one, through no fault of her own (don't mention the war). Largely, the 'role model' I had as a parent was my memory of being a child, but fortunately I have a damned good memory for things like that, so I could empathise with my daughter's reactions and behaviours reasonably well. I also recognise that I don't get into the mind of a child as well as some other people and I will ask respected others if I come up against something I don't know how to handle well.
I'm probably somewhere in between you and Serena when it comes to smacking. My daughter had a couple of stingers on the back of the leg as I dived across the room before she could get a bigger stinger from sticking her finger in the plug socket and I'm not adverse to swatting my granddaughter's hand out of the way if she's about to poke the screen of my laptop with a pencil.
However, I tend to growl at 'my' kids like a dog to warn them off from doing something they shouldn't. It does the trick, but they seem to find it funny. Someone else might be horrified that I growl at small children.
Certainly, my tendency to change the pitch of my voice to play both nurturing mum and authoritative dad (I have observed kids respond differently to men's and women's voices) has scared the living daylights out of other kids who appear to perceive it as inconsistent, whereas my daughter perceived it as consistent.
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jac379: Now, hold your horses there, Sister.
You agreed with my post that its not smacking per se which necessarily leads to depression in children, but...
You've just insulted Serena and then claimed that non-smacking leads to poorly behaved children who will end up in jail as adults.
Serena took on board, that whilst smacking is totally against her belief system, if your kids are happy and well adjusted, and her kids are happy and well adjusted, then possibly that within your very different styles of parenting something is working for you and your own kids.
You however, appear to have contradicted yourself in recognising that it might be some other factor(s) beyond smacking which has an impact on childhood adjustment when it suits your needs, but claim that non-smacking alone does have an impact when it suits your needs.
We can all mess up when it comes to consistency, we can all mess up when it comes to perfect parenting and none of us have complete control over our children's environment such that they never have any negative experiences outside of our influence which may lead to distress, unhappiness and maladjustment.
We each do the best we can with the skills we have at the time and I don't quite see the value in slagging off each other's parenting methods to justify our own. I don't think I was/am the perfect parent and if I see happy, well adjusted kids then there's perhaps something to learn from that regardless of different styles in parenting to help me make decisions about my role as a grandparent.
I was raised by someone who didn't have a clue about childhood because she didn't have one, through no fault of her own (don't mention the war). Largely, the 'role model' I had as a parent was my memory of being a child, but fortunately I have a damned good memory for things like that, so I could empathise with my daughter's reactions and behaviours reasonably well. I also recognise that I don't get into the mind of a child as well as some other people and I will ask respected others if I come up against something I don't know how to handle well.
I'm probably somewhere in between you and Serena when it comes to smacking. My daughter had a couple of stingers on the back of the leg as I dived across the room before she could get a bigger stinger from sticking her finger in the plug socket and I'm not adverse to swatting my granddaughter's hand out of the way if she's about to poke the screen of my laptop with a pencil.
However, I tend to growl at 'my' kids like a dog to warn them off from doing something they shouldn't. It does the trick, but they seem to find it funny. Someone else might be horrified that I growl at small children.
Certainly, my tendency to change the pitch of my voice to play both nurturing mum and authoritative dad (I have observed kids respond differently to men's and women's voices) has scared the living daylights out of other kids who appear to perceive it as inconsistent, whereas my daughter perceived it as consistent.
You agreed with my post that its not smacking per se which necessarily leads to depression in children, but...
You've just insulted Serena and then claimed that non-smacking leads to poorly behaved children who will end up in jail as adults.
Serena took on board, that whilst smacking is totally against her belief system, if your kids are happy and well adjusted, and her kids are happy and well adjusted, then possibly that within your very different styles of parenting something is working for you and your own kids.
You however, appear to have contradicted yourself in recognising that it might be some other factor(s) beyond smacking which has an impact on childhood adjustment when it suits your needs, but claim that non-smacking alone does have an impact when it suits your needs.
We can all mess up when it comes to consistency, we can all mess up when it comes to perfect parenting and none of us have complete control over our children's environment such that they never have any negative experiences outside of our influence which may lead to distress, unhappiness and maladjustment.
We each do the best we can with the skills we have at the time and I don't quite see the value in slagging off each other's parenting methods to justify our own. I don't think I was/am the perfect parent and if I see happy, well adjusted kids then there's perhaps something to learn from that regardless of different styles in parenting to help me make decisions about my role as a grandparent.
I was raised by someone who didn't have a clue about childhood because she didn't have one, through no fault of her own (don't mention the war). Largely, the 'role model' I had as a parent was my memory of being a child, but fortunately I have a damned good memory for things like that, so I could empathise with my daughter's reactions and behaviours reasonably well. I also recognise that I don't get into the mind of a child as well as some other people and I will ask respected others if I come up against something I don't know how to handle well.
I'm probably somewhere in between you and Serena when it comes to smacking. My daughter had a couple of stingers on the back of the leg as I dived across the room before she could get a bigger stinger from sticking her finger in the plug socket and I'm not adverse to swatting my granddaughter's hand out of the way if she's about to poke the screen of my laptop with a pencil.
However, I tend to growl at 'my' kids like a dog to warn them off from doing something they shouldn't. It does the trick, but they seem to find it funny. Someone else might be horrified that I growl at small children.
Certainly, my tendency to change the pitch of my voice to play both nurturing mum and authoritative dad (I have observed kids respond differently to men's and women's voices) has scared the living daylights out of other kids who appear to perceive it as inconsistent, whereas my daughter perceived it as consistent.
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Childrem harmed physically or intelectually in my presence equals attitude adjustment in my best gentle way possible.And Im Good
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chatonlyman2: Childrem harmed physically or intelectually in my presence equals attitude adjustment in my best gentle way possible.And Im Good
There is a difference between swatting a kids backside with a certain amount of humour and beating them senseless.
The OP hasn't actually described how she goes about smacking her kids. My guess, if they're happy and well adjusted, she's not causing physical, or intellectual harm any more than I am with growling at mine.
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jac379: There is a difference between swatting a kids backside with a certain amount of humour and beating them senseless.
The OP hasn't actually described how she goes about smacking her kids. My guess, if they're happy and well adjusted, she's not causing physical, or intellectual harm any more than I am with growling at mine.
Id like to be the judge but Im optimistic till I doThe OP hasn't actually described how she goes about smacking her kids. My guess, if they're happy and well adjusted, she's not causing physical, or intellectual harm any more than I am with growling at mine.
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jac379: There is a difference between swatting a kids backside with a certain amount of humour and beating them senseless.
The OP hasn't actually described how she goes about smacking her kids. My guess, if they're happy and well adjusted, she's not causing physical, or intellectual harm any more than I am with growling at mine.
Id like to be the judge but Im optimistic till I doThe OP hasn't actually described how she goes about smacking her kids. My guess, if they're happy and well adjusted, she's not causing physical, or intellectual harm any more than I am with growling at mine.
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Kids are resilient so they tend to bounce back. Considering how well mannered they are you should be glad that what you do to them hasn't scarred them. 
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Bluefish22: Lord knows I smack them, yell and swear at them, but they continue to cackle and giggle and jump around and have a great time with their life.
If the indigenous peoples can be tamed by aggression and encroachment on their lives why can't my kids be tamed by mine???
Is happiness the new survivalist instinct?? Or have I smacked them into delight and wonder with their world??
If the indigenous peoples can be tamed by aggression and encroachment on their lives why can't my kids be tamed by mine???
Is happiness the new survivalist instinct?? Or have I smacked them into delight and wonder with their world??
Give them cigarettes,see how funny they find it coughing their heads off.
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Bluefish22: Lord knows I smack them, yell and swear at them, but they continue to cackle and giggle and jump around and have a great time with their life.
If the indigenous peoples can be tamed by aggression and encroachment on their lives why can't my kids be tamed by mine???
Is happiness the new survivalist instinct?? Or have I smacked them into delight and wonder with their world??
If the indigenous peoples can be tamed by aggression and encroachment on their lives why can't my kids be tamed by mine???
Is happiness the new survivalist instinct?? Or have I smacked them into delight and wonder with their world??
They heard about Independent Youth Living Allowances from the Govt and realising now that they can divorce you when they are 15 years old are happily counting down the days ...
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jac379: There is a difference between swatting a kids backside with a certain amount of humour and beating them senseless.
The OP hasn't actually described how she goes about smacking her kids. My guess, if they're happy and well adjusted, she's not causing physical, or intellectual harm any more than I am with growling at mine.
The OP hasn't actually described how she goes about smacking her kids. My guess, if they're happy and well adjusted, she's not causing physical, or intellectual harm any more than I am with growling at mine.
Kiwi kids ... you could beat them with railways sleepers (like they did in the old days) and you'd do more harm to the wood!
As for intellectual damage ... hey, yanno, it's kiwis in question yanno
( runs n hides )
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.
Have you tried hiding your bag?
.
Have you tried hiding your bag?
.
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It's all about genes. Looking at mom all laughing, rolling on the floor laughing and giggling in forum where all world can watch, no wonder at all why kids are so. Fruit doesn't fall too far from the tree
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Some kids need yelling and smacking and some don't. It sounds like yours are happy with your way of doing. It is beating kids senseless that is stupid not a smack to give them a clear message what they do will not be tolerated.
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Stacerz: they may have the fear :) and are masking this with happiness
When in fear you might have a big grin like a monkey on acid but no happiness nor bluff would be masking a thing. And yes, one can be happy and still be in fear.
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Aggression won't change them, it will only make them worse, the giggles and cackles will turn to snide remarks and smirks, just to get up your nose even more, which will make you more aggressive, watch the snowball effect and seek some pro advice.
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JayRamon: Its a classic Myth to say that Kids are more happy than others....
Kids are hedonistic. They think of the present and don't harp on things that happend 30 mins ago nor are their intellect developed enuf to think of the future. That 'live the moment' attitude is so pristine in them that their happiness encompasses their behaviour
Kids are hedonistic. They think of the present and don't harp on things that happend 30 mins ago nor are their intellect developed enuf to think of the future. That 'live the moment' attitude is so pristine in them that their happiness encompasses their behaviour
Their intellect isn't developed enough to think of the future????
My seven Year old Daughter is currently going through a period where her overriding thoughts are all based on future events, she's concerned about growing old and dying and of being left alone when I get old and die, isn't that thinking into the future?
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Goddamn Happy? Isn't that a contradiction in terms? 
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No matter what I do, ultimately, my children will live their own destinies, and until they leave my home I will try and teach them in my own way, respect for people and all life.
I don't want them to be afraid of loud people, cos our land has a lot of natural resources and you have to be strong of mind and heart to utilise and respect them.
Life is to be enjoyed, not endured, and if our children are happy, our life is pure enchantment.