Alcoholism (141)
montemonte: You cannot help her. She has to want to stop drinking. Someday she will have a good reason to stop but until then, if you really are a good friend, just be there when she wants to talk, when she needs a ride. You will give up a lot of your own life to give her the support she needs.
Encourage her to go to an AA meeting and go with her. I went to meetings with my husband and they did help for awhile.
You don't have to understand why she drinks. You just need to be patient.
The worse thing you can do is badger her about drinking.
Good luck to you MB
Encourage her to go to an AA meeting and go with her. I went to meetings with my husband and they did help for awhile.
You don't have to understand why she drinks. You just need to be patient.
The worse thing you can do is badger her about drinking.
Good luck to you MB
I don`t mind helping her or being her shoulder to cry on, and when I offer to go to meetings with her, I feel like I am badgering her. I don`t mind doing the things I do for her because I LOVE her, I will always be there for her no matter what it takes.
Thanks for your kind words, great advice and for understanding me.
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jac379: Perhaps for many reasons, mis.
She may have a physiological dependency, so if she doesn't drink she gets intolerable withdrawal symptoms, but that's probably secondary to the psychological need she has to consume alcohol.
That psychological need, or those psychological needs, will be unique to her. Looking at models of alcohol, or other substance misuse might be useful in your understanding, but ultimately the whys and wherefores are likely to be complex. Only she will be able to unravel how she has come to be at this point in her life. Only she has all the information, all her life experiences and memories.
I'm guessing that for many people substance misuse hides a lot of pain, or is a coping strategy of some kind. If someone is hiding pain, numbing that pain, probably means it's difficult for them to explore that pain. If they can't explore that pain, then it's difficult to resolve it. If it remains unresolved, they maybe carry on hiding it because it feels too big for them to deal with.
How does one go about breaking a cycle like that?
She may have a physiological dependency, so if she doesn't drink she gets intolerable withdrawal symptoms, but that's probably secondary to the psychological need she has to consume alcohol.
That psychological need, or those psychological needs, will be unique to her. Looking at models of alcohol, or other substance misuse might be useful in your understanding, but ultimately the whys and wherefores are likely to be complex. Only she will be able to unravel how she has come to be at this point in her life. Only she has all the information, all her life experiences and memories.
I'm guessing that for many people substance misuse hides a lot of pain, or is a coping strategy of some kind. If someone is hiding pain, numbing that pain, probably means it's difficult for them to explore that pain. If they can't explore that pain, then it's difficult to resolve it. If it remains unresolved, they maybe carry on hiding it because it feels too big for them to deal with.
How does one go about breaking a cycle like that?
Thank you
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In response to: Is it really a disease or is it an excuse for irresponsible behavior?
Thanks to everyone for commenting. I appreciate your responses and input.
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montemonte: It's self-inflicted in the sense that they've placed themselves in the position that they don't have the willpower to go through the horrible experience of stopping drinking. But remember, the crutch that they have wasn't caused by lack of willpower. There have been studies to show that there is a gene in the body that relates to alcoholism
In addition to my husband being an alcoholic, so was his father and his grandfather. All three men were drunks. But the women in the family weren't.
In addition to my husband being an alcoholic, so was his father and his grandfather. All three men were drunks. But the women in the family weren't.
Yes there is the genetic tendency, but so is the case with being tall. And to become tall you must live and eat well in addition to having the genetic potential of becoming tall. That is, the individual's behaviour and choices must support the expression of the gene for said gene to become a distinctive characteristic of the individual.
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misbhavn: Please don't get me wrong, I`m not judging anyone, I simply would just like to try and understand why. She is my best friend and I will ALWAYS remain by her side. I feel bad for her and I wish I could help her but she has to want it for herself. When she is ready.
i know what you are saying you are trying to understand..I have 2 freinds the same way i dont understand either and dont think i ever will...i also lost freinds to alcohol so i dont like to see my other freinds drink so much..but jac here explains things very well that i do understand some but i never had an addiction so i wouldnt understand all...sorry i wasnt refering to you about judgement just saying it here cause some people do..
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Wouldn't call it a disease but it's an addiction, some people have the willpower to stop but others aren't able to once the craving for booze gets into their syatem.
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Obstinance_Works: Yes there is the genetic tendency, but so is the case with being tall. And to become tall you must live and eat well in addition to having the genetic potential of becoming tall. That is, the individual's behaviour and choices must support the expression of the gene for said gene to become a distinctive characteristic of the individual.
The men in your family monte would seemingly have this alcoholic tendency, but what makes it more of a certainty is the environment they've grown up in. Your Father watching his Father's alcoholism will play a critical role in him also developing drink problems.
But these factors are not independent, a different genetic structure with the same tendency towards alcohol may fiercely rebel against the other men in your family and never touch alcohol. The effect of environment upon genetics is relative to that specific genetic.
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misbhavn: Thanks to everyone for commenting. I appreciate your responses and input.
Merry Christmas, To you to, I wish you would read my first 2-3 post again. and see that More than people who drink beer have Big Problems!
Everyone wants to look Outward,
Look Inward !
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misbhavn: Thank you
That's okay, but thank you also.
I think in talking about it it has perhaps increased my understanding a little.
If substance misuse is a self-propagating cycle, at least at some point, or to a certain extent, it maybe takes something external to that cycle to initiate change.
That trigger to break the cycle could come from many sources. For some, it might be having a child, realising the impact substance misuse is having upon loved ones, ill-health, financial ruin, making a psychological connection, having an emotional realisation, whatever.
For some, losing things, or losing everything perhaps merely compounds emotional pain and the consequent numbing of that pain.
I haven't watched this for a while, but perhaps you might find it relevant in some way:
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HotrodLarrys: Merry Christmas, To you to, I wish you would read my first 2-3 post again. and see that More than people who drink beer have Big Problems!
Everyone wants to look Outward,Look Inward !
As long as people enjoy themselves and are not hurting anyone then that's all that maters. I have lots of beer and I have my reasonsEveryone wants to look Outward,Look Inward !
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Obstinance_Works: The men in your family monte would seemingly have this alcoholic tendency, but what makes it more of a certainty is the environment they've grown up in. Your Father watching his Father's alcoholism will play a critical role in him also developing drink problems.
But these factors are not independent, a different genetic structure with the same tendency towards alcohol may fiercely rebel against the other men in your family and never touch alcohol. The effect of environment upon genetics is relative to that specific genetic.
But these factors are not independent, a different genetic structure with the same tendency towards alcohol may fiercely rebel against the other men in your family and never touch alcohol. The effect of environment upon genetics is relative to that specific genetic.
First, it wasn't my father who was an alcoholic
It was husband who was an alcoholic and his father and my husband's grandfather
All three men had it
And because of the sugar need, two of the men had diabetes
I would like to continue this discussion with you but it's Christmas morning here and I have to be on my way
Merry Christmas to the CS peeps
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It can create number of problems and disease
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montemonte: First, it wasn't my father who was an alcoholic
It was husband who was an alcoholic and his father and my husband's grandfather
All three men had it
And because of the sugar need, two of the men had diabetesI would like to continue this discussion with you but it's Christmas morning here and I have to be on my wayMerry Christmas to the CS peeps
It was husband who was an alcoholic and his father and my husband's grandfather
All three men had it
And because of the sugar need, two of the men had diabetesI would like to continue this discussion with you but it's Christmas morning here and I have to be on my wayMerry Christmas to the CS peeps
Sorry Monte, I should have said in laws. Have a nice Christmas :)
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chatonlyman2: As long as people enjoy themselves and are not hurting anyone then that's all that maters. I have lots of beer and I have my reasons
THANK YOU Chat< When They Know me, POSSIBLY, Possibly will they understand???
A very Few People on this Site, have taken time to Know me well, But to those few!
Hello Chat!------ This thread is Archived ------
Perhaps part of the problem is we tend to dehumanise people who have substance misuse issues.
We tend to see them as a drug, or alcohol problem, rather than people with with difficulties.
I think it's imperative to look at the human story behind the substance misuse.
We tend to see them as a drug, or alcohol problem, rather than people with with difficulties.
I think it's imperative to look at the human story behind the substance misuse.
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HotrodLarrys: THANK YOU Chat< When They Know me, POSSIBLY, Possibly will they understand???
A very Few People on this Site, have taken time to Know me well, But to those few! Hello Chat!
CoolA very Few People on this Site, have taken time to Know me well, But to those few! Hello Chat!
I just watched Jacs video and what I got out of it was to understand your feelings be who you are and express yourself freely.Great video Jacs------ This thread is Archived ------
shell1964: i know what you are saying you are trying to understand..I have 2 freinds the same way i dont understand either and dont think i ever will...i also lost freinds to alcohol so i dont like to see my other freinds drink so much..but jac here explains things very well that i do understand some but i never had an addiction so i wouldnt understand all...sorry i wasnt refering to you about judgement just saying it here cause some people do..
Thank you and Merry Christmas
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jac379: Or perhaps people's stories are important, but not as important as the rest of their lives.
Our stories, our histories do shape our lives, but that doesn't mean we can't choose how to use them to create different shapes with the same tools.
That is what I have done and I will be free once I retire and leave the province.(hopefully)Our stories, our histories do shape our lives, but that doesn't mean we can't choose how to use them to create different shapes with the same tools.
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HotrodLarrys: If You want honest, I am one of the most patient People on this site, Rarely do I ever Speak up sternly, as I am Now, But I will speak up When I want To, I am Known here, I did look at your Profile, YOU ARE DIVORICED!, So How do you come here and Criticize someone who Drinks?
What is Your Problem????? Evidently You have Nothing on any of us, Yes It is Christmas and I did have some Beer, and I will Speak Up,
But If You were so perfect Yourself, You would Not Be divorced, Is you mouth Your addiction?
What is the Difference?
What is Your Problem????? Evidently You have Nothing on any of us, Yes It is Christmas and I did have some Beer, and I will Speak Up,
But If You were so perfect Yourself, You would Not Be divorced, Is you mouth Your addiction?
What is the Difference?
You need to lighten up Larry, the op is merely asking if one believes in the decease concept of alcoholism,,,
For myself,, It is definitely a disorder that some have.
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Encourage her to go to an AA meeting and go with her. I went to meetings with my husband and they did help for awhile.
You don't have to understand why she drinks. You just need to be patient.
The worse thing you can do is badger her about drinking.
Good luck to you MB