The Illusion... (25)
HzChldSomewhere in the middle, Oklahoma USA55 Threads 2,779 PostsI was pondering the last little bit. When we have a relationship with someone that we love, and we lose that relationship...we grieve because of the loss. But sometimes I think that in actuality, it is the illusion of what we thought it was, or could have been, that we are really grieving. We grieve the loss of what we wanted it to be...not what it actually was. And then if and/or when we realize it was an illusion, it somehow makes the pain more bearable. Does that make sense...kinda sorta??? 
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makes perfect sense.
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Thank you...
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Yes it does.
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yes it does.......so we`re gutted for nothing really.... 
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Yes it makes perfect sense
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It does make sense - lots of sense. Its a shattered dream from which thankfully we do wake up
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Makes sense to me and thats what is so sad. thinking of what could have been.
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Put another way; We are in love with the 'idea' of being in love and the other person in the relationship merely serves as a focal point. When the relationship ends, it is not the other person we miss, so much as the ideal - Which we never really had in the first place. Understanding that makes it easier to move on.
I'd wager that most all of us have been there at some point.
For myself, it was when I gave up on love - quit being in love with the idea - that true love snuck up and smacked me. ...Right in the heart!
I'd wager that most all of us have been there at some point.
For myself, it was when I gave up on love - quit being in love with the idea - that true love snuck up and smacked me. ...Right in the heart!
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Yes that's it!!
It's when we stop making up,fantasing,drawn our own thought of what love is that we finally find love even if that love found is for self only!!
A person can't truly know love till they are completely one with them self!
As long as a person complains and whines generalizing negatively about others they have hate--people led bye two different leaders one of love and one of hate surely would fall!
It's when we stop making up,fantasing,drawn our own thought of what love is that we finally find love even if that love found is for self only!!
A person can't truly know love till they are completely one with them self!
As long as a person complains and whines generalizing negatively about others they have hate--people led bye two different leaders one of love and one of hate surely would fall!
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Like the others I agree HzChld and I think there's the element of learned habit that has to be broken also.
In a relationship we get into routines that we do over and over, unconsciously or not. Once the behaviour is learned it's a strong pattern.
When the relationship dissolves we have a pattern we cannot complete in our lives and it takes time to break the habit. Ever try to give up twirling your hair, biting your nails or saying 'you know?' ?
I had a lover who called me every night at midnight if we were not together, we'd catch up on the day, the usual stuff. When the relationship went south five years later I burst into tears at midnight every night and it took me about a week to realize it was over the phone call.
Took three months before I didn't automatically 'tear up' when the phone should have been ringing.
Pavlov was right about bells! The bright side is, over time we can create a new pattern.
In a relationship we get into routines that we do over and over, unconsciously or not. Once the behaviour is learned it's a strong pattern.
When the relationship dissolves we have a pattern we cannot complete in our lives and it takes time to break the habit. Ever try to give up twirling your hair, biting your nails or saying 'you know?' ?
I had a lover who called me every night at midnight if we were not together, we'd catch up on the day, the usual stuff. When the relationship went south five years later I burst into tears at midnight every night and it took me about a week to realize it was over the phone call.
Took three months before I didn't automatically 'tear up' when the phone should have been ringing.
Pavlov was right about bells! The bright side is, over time we can create a new pattern.
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Great topic HzChild ... thanks for bringing it up
We all need to open our eyes on what we Really wish to get into our personal lives ... to make us feel us complite as a person, a human being.
To make our mornings, afternoons evenings, nights full of feelings and meanings.
Illussion you say ....
We are born to have an illussion. That's us, humans with evolving brain cells.
Without an illussion we are nothing. The problem lays in an ability to recognize and except an Illussion as a help to survive
Nietzchie once said (in one of his works)
Think about !!!!!!!
"As there is no life without death, there is also no experience of health without sickness, no enjoyment of wealth without poverty, and no appreciation of happiness without a real knowledge of pain."
"Live dangerously"
We all need to open our eyes on what we Really wish to get into our personal lives ... to make us feel us complite as a person, a human being.
To make our mornings, afternoons evenings, nights full of feelings and meanings.
Illussion you say ....
We are born to have an illussion. That's us, humans with evolving brain cells.
Without an illussion we are nothing. The problem lays in an ability to recognize and except an Illussion as a help to survive
Nietzchie once said (in one of his works)
Think about !!!!!!!
"As there is no life without death, there is also no experience of health without sickness, no enjoyment of wealth without poverty, and no appreciation of happiness without a real knowledge of pain."
"Live dangerously"
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Fabulous. 
I was pondering this the other day as well. Sometimes, we do grieve the loss of the idea and/or the potential that could have been.
I was pondering this the other day as well. Sometimes, we do grieve the loss of the idea and/or the potential that could have been.
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Is it time of an year? *Grins*
I have been thinking about it for the last three days as well ...
My thought on this is ........
It is just plain SELFPITY "Why? Why me?"
It has nothing to do with a fact of ending relationships.
I have been thinking about it for the last three days as well ...
My thought on this is ........
It is just plain SELFPITY "Why? Why me?"
It has nothing to do with a fact of ending relationships.
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Touche'. Perhaps it is...
Although, I was simply pondering it - not necessarily engaged in grief...
Although, I was simply pondering it - not necessarily engaged in grief...------ This thread is Archived ------
We are born to have an illussion. That's us, humans with evolving brain cells. -----if our illusions of what we are and going to do than they are good---but if our illusion is focussed out side on the other than that can be bad---if we can find another to compliment our own illusion in a compatable way than that is great!!
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John you said
if we can find another to compliment our own illusion in a compatable way than that is great!!
My first thought on this is ........ Why to look for it, it is useless
Amor Fati ........ Let Fate to decide and to pick the right card from its deck ..... specially for us. Fate knows better ........
Second ....... Our body control our mind.
Please, stop and think, do not protest yet
if we can find another to compliment our own illusion in a compatable way than that is great!!
My first thought on this is ........ Why to look for it, it is useless
Amor Fati ........ Let Fate to decide and to pick the right card from its deck ..... specially for us. Fate knows better ........
Second ....... Our body control our mind.
Please, stop and think, do not protest yet
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"Cut!"
"That's a wrap, everyone!"
"Take five!"
"Okay, all of you go home now. You're off the clock, and I'm not paying you to stand around!"
Ah, that's the curtain call on my current love affair...
When the movies in the can, the actors go into withdrawal. So, maybe we need to stop living in a movie as an actor, dependent on a script and start writing and directing it. And when the actors get pissy, we need to fire them.
Empower your dreams, or that's all they'll ever be, Dreams...
"That's a wrap, everyone!"
"Take five!"
"Okay, all of you go home now. You're off the clock, and I'm not paying you to stand around!"
Ah, that's the curtain call on my current love affair...
When the movies in the can, the actors go into withdrawal. So, maybe we need to stop living in a movie as an actor, dependent on a script and start writing and directing it. And when the actors get pissy, we need to fire them.
Empower your dreams, or that's all they'll ever be, Dreams...
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It makes sense, however, the reality is that as people we are influenced by so many things. We are all caught up in the romantic side of being in love. We watch movies and television that show couples in this fairytale atmosphere. When we are young we have this dream of finding the perfect mate and living happily everafter. Most often that is not the case. When a relationship ends there is a definate void in our lives, all of a sudden our pattern is interrupted. If a relationship is good, it gives you a sense of belonging, there is warmth and security. When it ends you feel abandoned, out of sorts and alone, you are out of your comfort zone. The grieving process takes time, for some they are in denial that the relationship is over. I don't think we are necessarily grieving the loss of the illusion, for me it was the interruption of the life I had and just merely missing the presence of someone I loved dearly.
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Created: Jul 2007
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