Dr. Phil helps people by judging them? (59)
cristina: What we see in Dr. Phil show is someone who can see what the problems of related people are, he is there to point out the weakest key of the problems, even if he makes everybody cry. It's like in court, he really gets deep into what people said, alleged, etc in order to fix a relationship. So, he is a thrird person, "judging". My question is:
- Don't we need judgment to move on when we are wrong?
- If we can't talk it through, is it wrong to have a third person trying to help even if that means a lot of tears and pointing out mistakes of both sides or maybe just one side? I mean, before we get to the conclusion that they are NOT meant to be, can we try to help them in what is going on if we can see what they can't?
I mean, who invented the "don't be judgmental" thing. How can people know where they are wrong?
Thoughts?
- Don't we need judgment to move on when we are wrong?
- If we can't talk it through, is it wrong to have a third person trying to help even if that means a lot of tears and pointing out mistakes of both sides or maybe just one side? I mean, before we get to the conclusion that they are NOT meant to be, can we try to help them in what is going on if we can see what they can't?
I mean, who invented the "don't be judgmental" thing. How can people know where they are wrong?
Thoughts?
I think it is more like advice than judgement, and yes sometimes people need outside advice, but most won't take it when they get it.
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gingerb: I think it is more like advice than judgement, and yes sometimes people need outside advice, but most won't take it when they get it.
Most won't take it when they get it? Even if they are in trouble dealing with the issue in the way they did before the advice? Why do you think they don't take the advice gingerb?
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cristina: What we see in Dr. Phil show is someone who can see what the problems of related people are, he is there to point out the weakest key of the problems, even if he makes everybody cry. It's like in court, he really gets deep into what people said, alleged, etc in order to fix a relationship. So, he is a thrird person, "judging". My question is:
- Don't we need judgment to move on when we are wrong?
- If we can't talk it through, is it wrong to have a third person trying to help even if that means a lot of tears and pointing out mistakes of both sides or maybe just one side? I mean, before we get to the conclusion that they are NOT meant to be, can we try to help them in what is going on if we can see what they can't?
I mean, who invented the "don't be judgmental" thing. How can people know where they are wrong?
Thoughts?
- Don't we need judgment to move on when we are wrong?
- If we can't talk it through, is it wrong to have a third person trying to help even if that means a lot of tears and pointing out mistakes of both sides or maybe just one side? I mean, before we get to the conclusion that they are NOT meant to be, can we try to help them in what is going on if we can see what they can't?
I mean, who invented the "don't be judgmental" thing. How can people know where they are wrong?
Thoughts?
Good question Cris.
But I can say that I do not watch much tv nor those shows that 'work' out people's problems.
How do people know when they are wrong?
That depends, some people think they never are, some people have grace and dignity to own up and say they are.
Judging?
I can be quite judgemnental, buit I am not solitary to being open minded and rethinking when I have sworn I am right, I am a negotiator...
So therefore, I will offer options to resolve it, and I will listen to offers handed out to me.
But I will not be backed into a corner and have 'you do this or else' attitude...
I can behave that way, I have and make no bones about it., but then I learn and do not do it again.
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gingerb: I think it is more like advice than judgement, and yes sometimes people need outside advice, but most won't take it when they get it.
It depends on who is offering the advice...
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Sommerauer71: Good question Cris.
But I can say that I do not watch much tv nor those shows that 'work' out people's problems.
How do people know when they are wrong?
That depends, some people think they never are, some people have grace and dignity to own up and say they are.
Judging?
I can be quite judgemnental, buit I am not solitary to being open minded and rethinking when I have sworn I am right, I am a negotiator...
So therefore, I will offer options to resolve it, and I will listen to offers handed out to me.
But I will not be backed into a corner and have 'you do this or else' attitude...
I can behave that way, I have and make no bones about it., but then I learn and do not do it again.
But I can say that I do not watch much tv nor those shows that 'work' out people's problems.
How do people know when they are wrong?
That depends, some people think they never are, some people have grace and dignity to own up and say they are.
Judging?
I can be quite judgemnental, buit I am not solitary to being open minded and rethinking when I have sworn I am right, I am a negotiator...
So therefore, I will offer options to resolve it, and I will listen to offers handed out to me.
But I will not be backed into a corner and have 'you do this or else' attitude...
I can behave that way, I have and make no bones about it., but then I learn and do not do it again.
Being a negotiator means you rarely need a third person right? But that can only happen if your partner is also willing to negotiate. If he doesn't really want to negotiate and you both don't want a third person, a great chance can be wasted...
Is being a negotiator a necessary pre-requisit to be your partner? How can you detect that before getting into a relationship?
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Sommerauer71: It depends on who is offering the advice...
I also believe in that...
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cristina: Being a negotiator means you rarely need a third person right? But that can only happen if your partner is also willing to negotiate. If he doesn't really want to negotiate and you both don't want a third person, a great chance can be wasted...
Is being a negotiator a necessary pre-requisit to be your partner? How can you detect that before getting into a relationship?
Is being a negotiator a necessary pre-requisit to be your partner? How can you detect that before getting into a relationship?
Absolutely, neogotiation will only work if a partner is willing to listen...
If not then all the negotiating in the world will not work.
No, it is not a pre requisite for me, but I do not want a man who is not willing to work through any difficulties that may arise...
How do I detect it?
I do not, if he is a person who believes he is right all the time he will cook his own goose. Without my help.
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I have no idea only from here who he is...
I do not entertain such things...[/quote
You might find yourself accidentaly reading a gossip magazine, trust me!
I do not entertain such things...[/quote
You might find yourself accidentaly reading a gossip magazine, trust me!
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Fellow is a Snake-Oil-Salesman!
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Sommerauer71: Absolutely, neogotiation will only work if a partner is willing to listen...
If not then all the negotiating in the world will not work.
No, it is not a pre requisite for me, but I do not want a man who is not willing to work through any difficulties that may arise...
How do I detect it?
I do not, if he is a person who believes he is right all the time he will cook his own goose. Without my help.
If not then all the negotiating in the world will not work.
No, it is not a pre requisite for me, but I do not want a man who is not willing to work through any difficulties that may arise...
How do I detect it?
I do not, if he is a person who believes he is right all the time he will cook his own goose. Without my help.
Right, you need somebody who is willing to talk, who doesn't always think he is right...and is willing to tell you how right you are. Yes, if we are to be negotiators, one's plan can be a better deal than the other one's. The problem is that partners exist that simply shout "he/she is always right" in a sarcastic way, when in reality, he/she may not have better ideas. Some partners don't open their mouth, they want to go with the flow...like the air will determine the course of their relationship and then when the other one talks-right, he/she is accussed of wanting to "be always right"
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cristina: I have no idea only from here who he is...
I do not entertain such things...[/quoteYou might find yourself accidentaly reading a gossip magazine, trust me!
I do not entertain such things...[/quoteYou might find yourself accidentaly reading a gossip magazine, trust me!
Only when I am at the dentist...
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cristina: The point here is a third person into your house. Dr. Phil it's an example. So you say that a therapy can help, a third person then. Why can't a best friend who is well married and knows you can't tell it like it is? Why do best friend simply talk to other people about your problems and feel impotent because maybe you don't allow them to step in to help?
For counseling to be truly effective the third person has to be totally unbiased... this is difficult in the case of a friend... also some hard questions have to be asked and sometimes difficult truths come out... how comfortable are you going to be with a friend when they know things about you that maybe no one else knows?
There is a great deal of truth in the saying... sometimes it´s easier to talk to a stranger.
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Sommerauer71: Only when I am at the dentist...
Shame on you
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jbibiza: For counseling to be truly effective the third person has to be totally unbiased... this is difficult in the case of a friend... also some hard questions have to be asked and sometimes difficult truths come out... how comfortable are you going to be with a friend when they know things about you that maybe no one else knows?
There is a great deal of truth in the saying... sometimes it´s easier to talk to a stranger.
There is a great deal of truth in the saying... sometimes it´s easier to talk to a stranger.
Very true
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cristina: Right, you need somebody who is willing to talk, who doesn't always think he is right...and is willing to tell you how right you are. Yes, if we are to be negotiators, one's plan can be a better deal than the other one's. The problem is that partners exist that simply shout "he/she is always right" in a sarcastic way, when in reality, he/she may not have better ideas. Some partners don't open their mouth, they want to go with the flow...like the air will determine the course of their relationship and then when the other one talks-right, he/she is accussed of wanting to "be always right"
I do need a person who will not emotionally suppress me, he can talk and I will listen, but I want to be listened to.
I do not have any overwhelming desire to be right, if I am wrong, I will hold my hands up, but if I feel strongly about something, then I want an ear. And any person that wants to be with me will offer that without hesitation.
I do not mind being shaken to the core, with a 'no you are wrong' then I will ask why do you say that and listen.
Relationships and communication is about listening and then speaking, if a partner is hurt, then you listen. To why they are hurt, that hurt is feeling and why any person would want the person they love to hurt is beyond any comprehension I can muster.
We are all strong under the right caress, Cris, and when that caress is right then the feelings will come out and they can be worked through.
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Sommerauer71: I do need a person who will not emotionally suppress me, he can talk and I will listen, but I want to be listened to.
I do not have any overwhelming desire to be right, if I am wrong, I will hold my hands up, but if I feel strongly about something, then I want an ear. And any person that wants to be with me will offer that without hesitation.
I do not mind being shaken to the core, with a 'no you are wrong' then I will ask why do you say that and listen.
Relationships and communication is about listening and then speaking, if a partner is hurt, then you listen. To why they are hurt, that hurt is feeling and why any person would want the person they love to hurt is beyond any comprehension I can muster.
We are all strong under the right caress, Cris, and when that caress is right then the feelings will come out and they can be worked through.
I do not have any overwhelming desire to be right, if I am wrong, I will hold my hands up, but if I feel strongly about something, then I want an ear. And any person that wants to be with me will offer that without hesitation.
I do not mind being shaken to the core, with a 'no you are wrong' then I will ask why do you say that and listen.
Relationships and communication is about listening and then speaking, if a partner is hurt, then you listen. To why they are hurt, that hurt is feeling and why any person would want the person they love to hurt is beyond any comprehension I can muster.
We are all strong under the right caress, Cris, and when that caress is right then the feelings will come out and they can be worked through.
Exactly, if you are an intelligent and reasonable person, you certainly count your steps right, you try to be as careful as possible. If you are wrong, a very good alternative must be presented. This is why i need an intelligent man to share my life with.
It's important to have two heads thinking for better solutions, better strategies (in a positive way). If a partner doesn't have what to say, he/she will authomaticaly be dominated i think.------ This thread is Archived ------
cristina: Exactly, if you are an intelligent and reasonable person, you certainly count your steps right, you try to be as careful as possible. If you are wrong, a very good alternative must be presented. This is why i need an intelligent man to share my life with. It's important to have two heads thinking for better solutions, better strategies (in a positive way). If a partner doesn't have what to say, he/she will authomaticaly be dominated i think.
And in that very post, you have just answered your own question...
See, you did not need us.
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Sommerauer71: And in that very post, you have just answered your own question...
See, you did not need us.
See, you did not need us.
Do you really think that i bring my own problems in here?
how naive.Anyway, it's important to discuss stuff and you've detailed very interesting ways of dealing with the issue. By doing so, you are not only showing how you are but also helping people who think the way you do to organise the ideas better or simply think things over. We do that often, don't we? We learn here!
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- Don't we need judgment to move on when we are wrong?
- If we can't talk it through, is it wrong to have a third person trying to help even if that means a lot of tears and pointing out mistakes of both sides or maybe just one side? I mean, before we get to the conclusion that they are NOT meant to be, can we try to help them in what is going on if we can see what they can't?
I mean, who invented the "don't be judgmental" thing. How can people know where they are wrong?
Thoughts?