Dr. Phil helps people by judging them? (59)
Sommerauer71: I know that was aimed at Kevin,Ginger,but I agree.
Sometimes, and I do find that here, that you can say something, and it is misunderstood. Then people blow, their mates come along and bang the situation gets out of control.
Trust is hard to find on a forum, we rely on words and words alone.
Not often I accept advice, not often I ask for it, not because I know it all, but I go to people here who I know I can trust, and those are less than a handful, not because people are not trustworthy, just because I know them and what time they take to spend with me.
If I need advice there are a few, that I would approach.
But ultimately, I have people I can go and knock their door and say, I need some help.
As they know my door is always open...
Sometimes, and I do find that here, that you can say something, and it is misunderstood. Then people blow, their mates come along and bang the situation gets out of control.
Trust is hard to find on a forum, we rely on words and words alone.
Not often I accept advice, not often I ask for it, not because I know it all, but I go to people here who I know I can trust, and those are less than a handful, not because people are not trustworthy, just because I know them and what time they take to spend with me.
If I need advice there are a few, that I would approach.
But ultimately, I have people I can go and knock their door and say, I need some help.
As they know my door is always open...
Like you, I have very few people that I would trust with anything personal on here, and even less I would ask advice of. I've been on here a while now and have seen people come and go and get on and fight and talk behind each other's backs and the lack of trust is pervasive.
I see people hurt, crushed, demeaned, psychologically damaged by the insensitivities of others, who neither know , nor care, what they do, because of the "distancing themselves" thing that they do in their heads, and their notion that it is ok to be ike this.
I have found that I have been judged a million ways to hell and back, but it never bothers me, because I don't give a damn for any of the people doing it. (When you dont share the really personal stuff, then you are secure in the knowlege that these people don't know who you really are at all, so nothing they say matters). In all my time here I have only 3 people I call friend and they know who they are.
It's what leads me to believe that people don't listen because some feel this way probably towards nearly everyone, so the advice, well meaninged or not, is never taken on.
You can't trust whom you don't know.........
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RedHeadedTaurus: Dr. Phil ... can't stomach the show, actually.
I have never heard of it, but assume its similar to some UK daytime crap
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cristina: New technologies don't allow us to educate better people...we are busy in here.
You know what, i used to "babysit" a kid that didn't need me because when i got into her life, she already had her internet world and could perfectly be fine alone, in her bedroom. She was 8, her parents were great business people, he was always abroad, she had to do much, sometimes until 11pm. Well, they taught i'd be a great influence and even socialising in the kitchen because they thought we'd have fun while me cooking for them (the girl-8 and the boy14- this one didn't need me because he was also in his bedroom, his world). The mother told me she had to go to bed at 9. I came in with a new discipline, "forcing" the kid to get in bed at 9 and she always telling me she was going to wait for her mother. I felt so incompetent when the mother came in at midnight and the girl was still awake. Later, i found out that i was to change that mistake. Well, it was not possible because it wasn't my role. Then, i became a simple guard. The kid girl didn't need me for nothing! See? Those kids, will they listen or be ready to share stuff like the old days?
You know what, i used to "babysit" a kid that didn't need me because when i got into her life, she already had her internet world and could perfectly be fine alone, in her bedroom. She was 8, her parents were great business people, he was always abroad, she had to do much, sometimes until 11pm. Well, they taught i'd be a great influence and even socialising in the kitchen because they thought we'd have fun while me cooking for them (the girl-8 and the boy14- this one didn't need me because he was also in his bedroom, his world). The mother told me she had to go to bed at 9. I came in with a new discipline, "forcing" the kid to get in bed at 9 and she always telling me she was going to wait for her mother. I felt so incompetent when the mother came in at midnight and the girl was still awake. Later, i found out that i was to change that mistake. Well, it was not possible because it wasn't my role. Then, i became a simple guard. The kid girl didn't need me for nothing! See? Those kids, will they listen or be ready to share stuff like the old days?
I'd say that at 8 she needed an adult there...
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gingerb: Like you, I have very few people that I would trust with anything personal on here, and even less I would ask advice of. I've been on here a while now and have seen people come and go and get on and fight and talk behind each other's backs and the lack of trust is pervasive.
I see people hurt, crushed, demeaned, psychologically damaged by the insensitivities of others, who neither know , nor care, what they do, because of the "distancing themselves" thing that they do in their heads, and their notion that it is ok to be ike this.
I have found that I have been judged a million ways to hell and back, but it never bothers me, because I don't give a damn for any of the people doing it. (When you dont share the really personal stuff, then you are secure in the knowlege that these people don't know who you really are at all, so nothing they say matters). In all my time here I have only 3 people I call friend and they know who they are.
It's what leads me to believe that people don't listen because some feel this way probably towards nearly everyone, so the advice, well meaninged or not, is never taken on.
You can't trust whom you don't know.........
I see people hurt, crushed, demeaned, psychologically damaged by the insensitivities of others, who neither know , nor care, what they do, because of the "distancing themselves" thing that they do in their heads, and their notion that it is ok to be ike this.
I have found that I have been judged a million ways to hell and back, but it never bothers me, because I don't give a damn for any of the people doing it. (When you dont share the really personal stuff, then you are secure in the knowlege that these people don't know who you really are at all, so nothing they say matters). In all my time here I have only 3 people I call friend and they know who they are.
It's what leads me to believe that people don't listen because some feel this way probably towards nearly everyone, so the advice, well meaninged or not, is never taken on.
You can't trust whom you don't know.........
Great post ginger, as always...
Yes, there are few and far between that I trust on here.
Also in real life too, there are only a handful that I do trust. And that is enough, I do not need to trust lots of people, I prefer smaller cosiness.
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Kevint: I have never heard of it, but assume its similar to some UK daytime crap
Well, I don't watch that much TV to begin with and when I do it's more along the lines of NGC, Discovery, TLC, and the like.
Dr. Phil ...
not my bag.
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Kevint: Is that not a sad reflection of today, I agree with your comment, but it truly saddens me that it is so,, I'm not sure why, it maybe as you say lack of trust, respect or whatever, but when there is a connection I am sure that advise is taken on board and put to good use.
I have been working with teens who have problems with communication and really bad trust issues. It takes a long time to get anywhere, sometimes years.
I find it very sad that it has come to this, but it is not just these kids.
It seems, sometimes like nearly everyone is doing this distancing thing. All ages too, like some foul contageous disease spreading everywhere. It's almost like people are deadened to sensitivity in the world around them.
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cristina: What we see in Dr. Phil show is someone who can see what the problems of related people are, he is there to point out the weakest key of the problems, even if he makes everybody cry. It's like in court, he really gets deep into what people said, alleged, etc in order to fix a relationship. So, he is a thrird person, "judging". My question is:
- Don't we need judgment to move on when we are wrong?
- If we can't talk it through, is it wrong to have a third person trying to help even if that means a lot of tears and pointing out mistakes of both sides or maybe just one side? I mean, before we get to the conclusion that they are NOT meant to be, can we try to help them in what is going on if we can see what they can't?
I mean, who invented the "don't be judgmental" thing. How can people know where they are wrong?
Thoughts?
- Don't we need judgment to move on when we are wrong?
- If we can't talk it through, is it wrong to have a third person trying to help even if that means a lot of tears and pointing out mistakes of both sides or maybe just one side? I mean, before we get to the conclusion that they are NOT meant to be, can we try to help them in what is going on if we can see what they can't?
I mean, who invented the "don't be judgmental" thing. How can people know where they are wrong?
Thoughts?
He's a psychologist and that's what they do...get to the root of the problem and...identify it and help to heal it.....there is no healing a problem that is denied and not brought to the forefront....I don't see it as judging..I see it as making sure people are honest enough with themselves to actually heal and change their situations...if they aren't then there isn't much point in helping someone who is in denial.....
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I'd say that at 8 she needed an adult there...[/quote
Precisely Oslo and Kevin. I couldn't do anything about it.
I so hope their future is not compromised
Precisely Oslo and Kevin. I couldn't do anything about it.
I so hope their future is not compromised
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Olsojente: I'd say that at 8 she needed an adult there...
I totally agree.
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cristina: I'd say that at 8 she needed an adult there...[/quote
Precisely Oslo and Kevin. I couldn't do anything about it.
I so hope their future is not compromised
Precisely Oslo and Kevin. I couldn't do anything about it.
I so hope their future is not compromised
When parents are too busy to spend quality time with their children, the children are always compromised in their adult lives.
It's sad, but that has been my experience of working with them for over 30 years.
Not your fault Christina.
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Hugz_n_Kissez: He's a psychologist and that's what they do...get to the root of the problem and...identify it and help to heal it.....there is no healing a problem that is denied and not brought to the forefront....I don't see it as judging..I see it as making sure people are honest enough with themselves to actually heal and change their situations...if they aren't then there isn't much point in helping someone who is in denial.....
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Hugz_n_Kissez: He's a psychologist and that's what they do...get to the root of the problem and...identify it and help to heal it.....there is no healing a problem that is denied and not brought to the forefront....I don't see it as judging..I see it as making sure people are honest enough with themselves to actually heal and change their situations...if they aren't then there isn't much point in helping someone who is in denial.....
I agree that people have to be willing to be helped, although that sometimes isn't enough, and some go back to old addictive habits.
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gingerb:
When parents are too busy to spend quality time with their children, the children are always compromised in their adult lives.
It's sad, but that has been my experience of working with them for over 30 years.
Not your fault Christina.
When parents are too busy to spend quality time with their children, the children are always compromised in their adult lives.
It's sad, but that has been my experience of working with them for over 30 years.
Not your fault Christina.
Interesting job you have
Thanks
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Sommerauer71: Great post ginger, as always...
Yes, there are few and far between that I trust on here.
Also in real life too, there are only a handful that I do trust. And that is enough, I do not need to trust lots of people, I prefer smaller cosiness.
Yes, there are few and far between that I trust on here.
Also in real life too, there are only a handful that I do trust. And that is enough, I do not need to trust lots of people, I prefer smaller cosiness.
No need to trust much dear
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RedHeadedTaurus: Dr. Phil ... can't stomach the show, actually.
He is a "psychologist" who is in DIRE NEED of a "PSYCHIATRIST".
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Conrad73: He is a "psychologist" who is in DIRE NEED of a "PSYCHIATRIST".
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Conrad73: He is a "psychologist" who is in DIRE NEED of a "PSYCHIATRIST".
Is that so ...?
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gingerb: I agree that people have to be willing to be helped, although that sometimes isn't enough, and some go back to old addictive habits.
Yes that's very true..it's all about how willing they are to really heal and stay that way.....
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You know what, i used to "babysit" a kid that didn't need me because when i got into her life, she already had her internet world and could perfectly be fine alone, in her bedroom. She was 8, her parents were great business people, he was always abroad, she had to do much, sometimes until 11pm. Well, they taught i'd be a great influence and even socialising in the kitchen because they thought we'd have fun while me cooking for them (the girl-8 and the boy14- this one didn't need me because he was also in his bedroom, his world). The mother told me she had to go to bed at 9. I came in with a new discipline, "forcing" the kid to get in bed at 9 and she always telling me she was going to wait for her mother. I felt so incompetent when the mother came in at midnight and the girl was still awake. Later, i found out that i was to change that mistake. Well, it was not possible because it wasn't my role. Then, i became a simple guard. The kid girl didn't need me for nothing! See? Those kids, will they listen or be ready to share stuff like the old days?
No no no, Your taking responsibility for someone else's lack of discipline for their children, this is not your fault, you cannot enforce a discipline when the parent does not uphold the same views.