Court sets atheist holiday (14)
I like that judge...
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Good one, but interesting that an atheist would want a holiday since that is actually a shortening of "holy day", and by definition, they don't have one.
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desmond: In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation of Easter and Passover holidays. He decided to contact his lawyer about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the long passionate presentation by the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel and declared, 'Case dismissed!'
The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, 'Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah...yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!'
The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, 'Obviously your client is too confused to even know about, much less celebrate his own atheists' holiday!'
The lawyer pompously said, 'Your Honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be, your Honor?'
The judge said, "Well it comes every year on exactly the same date---April 1st! Since our calendar sets April 1st as 'April Fools Day,' consider that Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, in my opinion, if your client says there is no God, then by scripture, he is a fool, and April 1st is his holiday! Now have a good day and get out of my courtroom!!"
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the long passionate presentation by the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel and declared, 'Case dismissed!'
The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, 'Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah...yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!'
The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, 'Obviously your client is too confused to even know about, much less celebrate his own atheists' holiday!'
The lawyer pompously said, 'Your Honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be, your Honor?'
The judge said, "Well it comes every year on exactly the same date---April 1st! Since our calendar sets April 1st as 'April Fools Day,' consider that Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, in my opinion, if your client says there is no God, then by scripture, he is a fool, and April 1st is his holiday! Now have a good day and get out of my courtroom!!"
You may get suspended JELLOMAN
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desmond: In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation of Easter and Passover holidays. He decided to contact his lawyer about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the long passionate presentation by the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel and declared, 'Case dismissed!'
The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, 'Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah...yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!'
The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, 'Obviously your client is too confused to even know about, much less celebrate his own atheists' holiday!'
The lawyer pompously said, 'Your Honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be, your Honor?'
The judge said, "Well it comes every year on exactly the same date---April 1st! Since our calendar sets April 1st as 'April Fools Day,' consider that Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, in my opinion, if your client says there is no God, then by scripture, he is a fool, and April 1st is his holiday! Now have a good day and get out of my courtroom!!"
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the long passionate presentation by the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel and declared, 'Case dismissed!'
The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, 'Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah...yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!'
The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, 'Obviously your client is too confused to even know about, much less celebrate his own atheists' holiday!'
The lawyer pompously said, 'Your Honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be, your Honor?'
The judge said, "Well it comes every year on exactly the same date---April 1st! Since our calendar sets April 1st as 'April Fools Day,' consider that Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, in my opinion, if your client says there is no God, then by scripture, he is a fool, and April 1st is his holiday! Now have a good day and get out of my courtroom!!"
Good one,Des I got that one to but if I put it on here,I would have been beat up for days.------ This thread is Archived ------
Don't atheist have ALL the days in between the Holidays!
If an atheist doesn't believe then they can never had a Holiday (Holy day), they just have day!
If an atheist doesn't believe then they can never had a Holiday (Holy day), they just have day!
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Clever
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Prosecuting Attorney: And what exactly happened after God
discovered what you had done?
Adam: He like turned me into a farmer man, made me grow
herbs for the rest of my life, and then He through us all
out of Eden. We got a bum rap!
Prosecuting Attorney: I understand. No further questions
your Honour.
Judge Check: Defense?
Defense Attorney: The defense rests your Honour.
Judge Check: Prosecution?
Prosecuting Attorney: The prosecution calls God, Creator of
all things.
Defense Attorney: Objection! Your Honour, a defendant may
not be asked to take the stand!
Prosecuting Attorney: Your Honour, since God is
omnipresent, He is already in the witness box.
*POP*
God: DAMNED LOGIC!
Judge Check: Over-ruled.
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth
and nothing but the truth?
God: I'M GOD, I CAN'T TELL A LIE.
Judge Check: We've heard that one before, answer the
question.
God: YES.
Prosecuting Attorney: Are you omnipotent and omniscient?
God: YES.
Prosecuting Attorney: And is the Holy Bible your Word?
God: YES.
Prosecuting Attorney: And is it inerrant and without flaw?
God: YES! WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
Prosecuting Attorney: Then you admit that you created the
serpent as described by your own words in Genesis 1:24?
God: YES, I MADE THE SERPENT.
Prosecuting Attorney: And did you make him more subtle than
any beast of the field as described in Genesis 3:1?
God: I SUPPOSE SO.
Prosecuting Attorney: Did you deliberately plant the tree
of Knowledge of Good and Evil amongst other trees that were
pleasant to the sight, and good for food as described in
Genesis 2:9?
God: YES.
Prosecuting Attorney: And did you tell Adam that the fruit
of that tree was toxic?
God: YES.
Prosecuting Attorney: And was it?
God: WELL..... IF YOU WANT TO BE TECHNICAL ABOUT IT......
Prosecuting Attorney: Yes or no?
God: URRR... NO.
Prosecuting Attorney: So you admit to lying to Adam?
God: NOT LYING AS SUCH.....
Prosecuting Attorney: And did you create humans?
God: OF COURSE!
Prosecuting Attorney: And did they know right from wrong
before they ate from the tree of Knowledge of Good and
Evil.
God: WELL, NOT PER SE, NO.
Prosecuting Attorney: And after they ate from said tree,
what actions did you take?
God: I KICKED THEIR UNGRATEFUL ASSES OUT OF PARADISE!
Prosecuting Attorney: Your Honour, this deity has just
admitted to deliberately planting the tree of Knowledge of
Good and Evil within easy access of future inhabitants of
the Garden, creating a creature to tempt them to eat from
it, and then creating humans so they would be unable to tell
if it was right or wrong to do so. More importantly, after
humans had eaten from the tree, God blamed them for events
which were of his design and exiled them from Paradise. The
prosecution rests.
Judge Check: This court will reconvene at such a time as
the jury has reached a decision.
And the jury did then deliberate for many days, but on the
seventh day it rested.
Judge Check: Has the jury reached a decision?
discovered what you had done?
Adam: He like turned me into a farmer man, made me grow
herbs for the rest of my life, and then He through us all
out of Eden. We got a bum rap!
Prosecuting Attorney: I understand. No further questions
your Honour.
Judge Check: Defense?
Defense Attorney: The defense rests your Honour.
Judge Check: Prosecution?
Prosecuting Attorney: The prosecution calls God, Creator of
all things.
Defense Attorney: Objection! Your Honour, a defendant may
not be asked to take the stand!
Prosecuting Attorney: Your Honour, since God is
omnipresent, He is already in the witness box.
*POP*
God: DAMNED LOGIC!
Judge Check: Over-ruled.
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth
and nothing but the truth?
God: I'M GOD, I CAN'T TELL A LIE.
Judge Check: We've heard that one before, answer the
question.
God: YES.
Prosecuting Attorney: Are you omnipotent and omniscient?
God: YES.
Prosecuting Attorney: And is the Holy Bible your Word?
God: YES.
Prosecuting Attorney: And is it inerrant and without flaw?
God: YES! WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
Prosecuting Attorney: Then you admit that you created the
serpent as described by your own words in Genesis 1:24?
God: YES, I MADE THE SERPENT.
Prosecuting Attorney: And did you make him more subtle than
any beast of the field as described in Genesis 3:1?
God: I SUPPOSE SO.
Prosecuting Attorney: Did you deliberately plant the tree
of Knowledge of Good and Evil amongst other trees that were
pleasant to the sight, and good for food as described in
Genesis 2:9?
God: YES.
Prosecuting Attorney: And did you tell Adam that the fruit
of that tree was toxic?
God: YES.
Prosecuting Attorney: And was it?
God: WELL..... IF YOU WANT TO BE TECHNICAL ABOUT IT......
Prosecuting Attorney: Yes or no?
God: URRR... NO.
Prosecuting Attorney: So you admit to lying to Adam?
God: NOT LYING AS SUCH.....
Prosecuting Attorney: And did you create humans?
God: OF COURSE!
Prosecuting Attorney: And did they know right from wrong
before they ate from the tree of Knowledge of Good and
Evil.
God: WELL, NOT PER SE, NO.
Prosecuting Attorney: And after they ate from said tree,
what actions did you take?
God: I KICKED THEIR UNGRATEFUL ASSES OUT OF PARADISE!
Prosecuting Attorney: Your Honour, this deity has just
admitted to deliberately planting the tree of Knowledge of
Good and Evil within easy access of future inhabitants of
the Garden, creating a creature to tempt them to eat from
it, and then creating humans so they would be unable to tell
if it was right or wrong to do so. More importantly, after
humans had eaten from the tree, God blamed them for events
which were of his design and exiled them from Paradise. The
prosecution rests.
Judge Check: This court will reconvene at such a time as
the jury has reached a decision.
And the jury did then deliberate for many days, but on the
seventh day it rested.
Judge Check: Has the jury reached a decision?
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ODIN: WE HAVE YOUR HONOUR.
Judge Check: On the charge of operating reality in a
logically inconsistent manner, a jury of your peers has
found God guilty as
charged. Moreover they have determined that he is also
guilty of one count of negligence in practicing cognitive
horticulture in the presence of an innocent species, two
counts of eviction without good cause, two counts of
eviction without proper notice, two counts of maltreatment
of tenants, one count of cruelty to snakes, one count of
fraud and six billion counts of crimes against humanity.
Moreover, this court finds that God is guilty under his own
laws of bearing false witness by accusing humans of
original sin. God is ordered to apologize to all of Adam
and Eve's descendants and repatriate them into paradise. God
is hereby stripped of his powers *BAMPH* and sentenced to
mortal life *poof* as a school teacher in Arkansas!
God: NOOOOOoooooooo!!! *pop*
Judge Check: This court is adjourned.
MIKE 101
Judge Check: On the charge of operating reality in a
logically inconsistent manner, a jury of your peers has
found God guilty as
charged. Moreover they have determined that he is also
guilty of one count of negligence in practicing cognitive
horticulture in the presence of an innocent species, two
counts of eviction without good cause, two counts of
eviction without proper notice, two counts of maltreatment
of tenants, one count of cruelty to snakes, one count of
fraud and six billion counts of crimes against humanity.
Moreover, this court finds that God is guilty under his own
laws of bearing false witness by accusing humans of
original sin. God is ordered to apologize to all of Adam
and Eve's descendants and repatriate them into paradise. God
is hereby stripped of his powers *BAMPH* and sentenced to
mortal life *poof* as a school teacher in Arkansas!
God: NOOOOOoooooooo!!! *pop*
Judge Check: This court is adjourned.
MIKE 101
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That was brilliant Trish!!!
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jbibiza: That was brilliant Trish!!!
I couldnt look a gifthorse in the mouth now could I 
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Created: Dec 2008
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The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the long passionate presentation by the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel and declared, 'Case dismissed!'
The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, 'Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah...yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!'
The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, 'Obviously your client is too confused to even know about, much less celebrate his own atheists' holiday!'
The lawyer pompously said, 'Your Honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be, your Honor?'
The judge said, "Well it comes every year on exactly the same date---April 1st! Since our calendar sets April 1st as 'April Fools Day,' consider that Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, in my opinion, if your client says there is no God, then by scripture, he is a fool, and April 1st is his holiday! Now have a good day and get out of my courtroom!!"