THE MAN IN THE MIRROR.... ( Archived) (17)

When I look into a mirror I see the physical body of a handsome young man who appears much healthier than I feel. He usually has a smile on his face but I'm not sure why because I don't feel where that smile is coming from. It's a mystery to me why it's even there but it is.

I also see someone that I know I can always trust to do the right thing. I see someone who has never hurt anyone intentionally, but who has also stupidly hurt a many because of his ignorance. I see someone who wants to kick himself in the butt with all his might for the stupid things he's done. But at the same time I see a gentle loving soul who has the compassion to understand that it wasn't his fault that he was born a complete idiot.

When I peer into his eyes I see someone who has grown wise far too late in life to make good use of his wisdom. I see the loving eyes of a father who never raised a child. I see the loving eyes of a husband who never had a wife. I see the innocence of a little boy who failed to achieve his dreams. But I don't blame the boy. He didn't fail because of ill intentions. He failed because of poor leadership in his life, and because he was stupid. He knew what he wanted, but he didn't understand how to go about getting it. He was too gentle, too giving, and too faithful in the fairytales he had been taught.

Do your best and your rewards shall be plenty. Ask and you shall receive, knock and it shall be opened. He had far too much faith in fairytales as a young boy. He let too many people walk all over him because he trusted them to be as loving as he is. I see a boy who has lost faith in his social culture, yet I see no anger in him at all, for he knows that no one is to blame. All are equally as innocent no matter how hardened their hearts may have become.

Finally, I see a very late bloomer. Like a rose bud that has been toss into a dumpster after a joyous reception. The party's over and the morning sun is rising. The tatter petals of the rose begin to open slightly in a final attempt to reflect their brilliant color. Overwhelmed by the stench of garbage and the sound of an approaching refuse truck the parched and lonely rose bud has little hope of being saved from its obvious fate.

That's what I see when I look into the silvery glass.

I see a relection of the things that never were.

I also see a protuding belly that's been devouring too many ho-hos lately. So it's a good thing you made me look. I'll have to do something about this ho-ho belly now.

And I thought I saw Brad Pitt!

I don't think you failed at all.

Your students wouldn't say you failed.
Your previous colleagues wouldn't say you failed.
And we don't think you failed, either.

The greater good is all that matters, Alba. Surely you see it? Look around.

Abra, heh, called you Alba. My bad.

I don't look in to the mirror---i get the feeling it is looking backwards, and I always try to look forward. Any reflection there is, to me, superficial, and not me. The image does not love, does not spontaneously sing or write, does not put out the dog and pet the trash (maybe that's why the dog runs when i come near), does not hold his sons like life itself....no, the mirror is not me, and never will be.

When I look into a mirror I see a very good, dynamic, healthy, intelligent and misunderstood person.

i see a better and improving person; i'm not perfect, however, am glad i'm not what i used to be. life's too precious to be closed-minded or ignorant with yourself or to others.