Understanding people. (41)
I agree with some of the things you said..But I always try to understand the others persons or at least do my best to see their point of view. I'm not saying I'll agree with with them but try to see where they are coming from.
Maybe the other person has a few issues and they are mixed up in their head and instead of breaking down the problem/issues into smaller manageable amounts they put everything together and it doesn't make sense even to them.
So by listening like you said..It may help the other person to put things into perspective..A problem shared is a problem halved
Maybe the other person has a few issues and they are mixed up in their head and instead of breaking down the problem/issues into smaller manageable amounts they put everything together and it doesn't make sense even to them.
So by listening like you said..It may help the other person to put things into perspective..A problem shared is a problem halved
maybe they're using the words 'does not understand me' but really meaning/thinking 'does not agree with me'.
It may be about confusion, but also could be about persuasion to a point of view.
It may be about confusion, but also could be about persuasion to a point of view.
Sommerauer71: So, here are my Wednesday morning musings, I often have them, especially on Wednesdays. I have an early class, very early, with sleepy students and then I come home, to do markings, paperwork as the children are out at the local sports centre.
And today, over my morning coffee, I thought about this.
Why do we try to understand people? Why do I so often hear?
'He/she does not understand me!'
Well, I want to ask, 'Why do we have to?'
People do not have to understand each other.
Would it not be simpler if at times, when things are becoming, a little tense, between anyone, it could be your lover, child, parents, friend, we said 'Look darling, I do not understand you, at all, but I am listening to you, so carry on, get it out of your system and I may not understand you, but I will listen'
Would that not solve alot of problems.
Why do people become so upset when a person does not understand them?
Why?
And today, over my morning coffee, I thought about this.
Why do we try to understand people? Why do I so often hear?
'He/she does not understand me!'
Well, I want to ask, 'Why do we have to?'
People do not have to understand each other.
Would it not be simpler if at times, when things are becoming, a little tense, between anyone, it could be your lover, child, parents, friend, we said 'Look darling, I do not understand you, at all, but I am listening to you, so carry on, get it out of your system and I may not understand you, but I will listen'
Would that not solve alot of problems.
Why do people become so upset when a person does not understand them?
Why?
I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say
Sommerauer71: So, here are my Wednesday morning musings, I often have them, especially on Wednesdays. I have an early class, very early, with sleepy students and then I come home, to do markings, paperwork as the children are out at the local sports centre.
And today, over my morning coffee, I thought about this.
Why do we try to understand people? Why do I so often hear?
'He/she does not understand me!'
Well, I want to ask, 'Why do we have to?'
People do not have to understand each other.
Would it not be simpler if at times, when things are becoming, a little tense, between anyone, it could be your lover, child, parents, friend, we said 'Look darling, I do not understand you, at all, but I am listening to you, so carry on, get it out of your system and I may not understand you, but I will listen'
Would that not solve alot of problems.
Why do people become so upset when a person does not understand them?
Why?
And today, over my morning coffee, I thought about this.
Why do we try to understand people? Why do I so often hear?
'He/she does not understand me!'
Well, I want to ask, 'Why do we have to?'
People do not have to understand each other.
Would it not be simpler if at times, when things are becoming, a little tense, between anyone, it could be your lover, child, parents, friend, we said 'Look darling, I do not understand you, at all, but I am listening to you, so carry on, get it out of your system and I may not understand you, but I will listen'
Would that not solve alot of problems.
Why do people become so upset when a person does not understand them?
Why?
Individuals live mostly within themselves unless they are dependent on someone else. What you say makes total sense. When someone is needy then some effort should be made to give them comfort. But it is quite impossible to know what it is exactly that has triggered insecurity in the other. That is when you have to make the effort, empathise as far as you can.
If a person, an adult in particular, is upset for not being understood, then I believe that in most cases the problem is with the 'misunderstood' person.
Sommerauer71: So, here are my Wednesday morning musings, I often have them, especially on Wednesdays. I have an early class, very early, with sleepy students and then I come home, to do markings, paperwork as the children are out at the local sports centre.
And today, over my morning coffee, I thought about this.
Why do we try to understand people? Why do I so often hear?
'He/she does not understand me!'
Well, I want to ask, 'Why do we have to?'
People do not have to understand each other.
Would it not be simpler if at times, when things are becoming, a little tense, between anyone, it could be your lover, child, parents, friend, we said 'Look darling, I do not understand you, at all, but I am listening to you, so carry on, get it out of your system and I may not understand you, but I will listen'
Would that not solve alot of problems.
Why do people become so upset when a person does not understand them?
Why?
And today, over my morning coffee, I thought about this.
Why do we try to understand people? Why do I so often hear?
'He/she does not understand me!'
Well, I want to ask, 'Why do we have to?'
People do not have to understand each other.
Would it not be simpler if at times, when things are becoming, a little tense, between anyone, it could be your lover, child, parents, friend, we said 'Look darling, I do not understand you, at all, but I am listening to you, so carry on, get it out of your system and I may not understand you, but I will listen'
Would that not solve alot of problems.
Why do people become so upset when a person does not understand them?
Why?
I personally don't expect anyone to understand me...
How can they when I sometimes do not understand the person staring back at me from the mirror...
I do agree that we just lend a silent, listening ear.
onlooker100: ------------------------------------------------------------
Individuals live mostly within themselves unless they are dependent on someone else. What you say makes total sense. When someone is needy then some effort should be made to give them comfort. But it is quite impossible to know what it is exactly that has triggered insecurity in the other. That is when you have to make the effort, empathise as far as you can.
If a person, an adult in particular, is upset for not being understood, then I believe that in most cases the problem is with the 'misunderstood' person.
Individuals live mostly within themselves unless they are dependent on someone else. What you say makes total sense. When someone is needy then some effort should be made to give them comfort. But it is quite impossible to know what it is exactly that has triggered insecurity in the other. That is when you have to make the effort, empathise as far as you can.
If a person, an adult in particular, is upset for not being understood, then I believe that in most cases the problem is with the 'misunderstood' person.
Aha, somebody that understands me.
When we feel that we are not being understood, then we do become frustrated.
There is a difference between being understood and being heard.
If I have been listened to, then I feel better.
Classic response, 'You have told me once, you have told me a dozen times, I understand where you are coming from'
A more suitable response for some and certainly what I have found with my daughter, is ' I will do my best to understand you, but I am giving you my time and will listen'
Then I will go away and think and that is when I will reason it all what she or any other person has told me.
When a person needs some understanding, they want it there and then.
My ex partner, used to scream at me and shake me by the shoulders, and say, 'Why do you not understand?'
I would blankly look at him and say 'I cannot hear you when you shout at me'
Understanding is not instant, for me, maybe I am not that quick off the mark.
But I understand me and how I operate.
DrTuareg: I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say
Well, if you don't, then the chances of others understanding me, are slim to none.
In response to: So, here are my Wednesday morning musings, I often have them, especially on Wednesdays. I have an early class, very early, with sleepy students and then I come home, to do markings, paperwork as the children are out at the local sports centre.
And today, over my morning coffee, I thought about this.
Why do we try to understand people? Why do I so often hear?
'He/she does not understand me!'
Well, I want to ask, 'Why do we have to?'
People do not have to understand each other.
Would it not be simpler if at times, when things are becoming, a little tense, between anyone, it could be your lover, child, parents, friend, we said 'Look darling, I do not understand you, at all, but I am listening to you, so carry on, get it out of your system and I may not understand you, but I will listen'
Would that not solve alot of problems.
Why do people become so upset when a person does not understand them?
Why?
And today, over my morning coffee, I thought about this.
Why do we try to understand people? Why do I so often hear?
'He/she does not understand me!'
Well, I want to ask, 'Why do we have to?'
People do not have to understand each other.
Would it not be simpler if at times, when things are becoming, a little tense, between anyone, it could be your lover, child, parents, friend, we said 'Look darling, I do not understand you, at all, but I am listening to you, so carry on, get it out of your system and I may not understand you, but I will listen'
Would that not solve alot of problems.
Why do people become so upset when a person does not understand them?
Why?
I have just read that back!
And guess what?
I will flash a winning smile to who gets it.
WTF!!....how can I understand people, when I don't even understand myself??...
Some thrive in the mystery that is the inner soul of each person, accepts what comes as a sign of personality without questioning the how's or why's.
Others yet live in a plane where facts, set borders and tought behaviour rules, when if somone deviate from these guidelines become unreliable and a risk for what stability they need.
I love mystery.I work with fact.
Others yet live in a plane where facts, set borders and tought behaviour rules, when if somone deviate from these guidelines become unreliable and a risk for what stability they need.
I love mystery.I work with fact.
What's there to understand? 
Don't even try
Don't even try
mike69spain: Some thrive in the mystery that is the inner soul of each person, accepts what comes as a sign of personality without questioning the how's or why's.
Others yet live in a plane where facts, set borders and tought behaviour rules, when if somone deviate from these guidelines become unreliable and a risk for what stability they need.
I love mystery.I work with fact.
Others yet live in a plane where facts, set borders and tought behaviour rules, when if somone deviate from these guidelines become unreliable and a risk for what stability they need.
I love mystery.I work with fact.
Now we are talking, I like this.
We do, I have questioned some people, to try to get them to explain, why they behave in a way or say certain things, I have challenged them, tried to get them to see reason, then I think if a person challenged me on my thoughts, then how would I react?
But, if I take the time to sit back and really look at the situation, then I begin to form an acceptance, of the situation, which begins to level out as understanding.
Behaviour? Good one, I see it alot more written than acted out, certainly on CS, people have stipulations of what they want and are not willing to deviate, or compromise.
Thank you Mike.
Sommerauer71: So, here are my Wednesday morning musings, I often have them, especially on Wednesdays. I have an early class, very early, with sleepy students and then I come home, to do markings, paperwork as the children are out at the local sports centre.
And today, over my morning coffee, I thought about this.
Why do we try to understand people? Why do I so often hear?
'He/she does not understand me!'
Well, I want to ask, 'Why do we have to?'
People do not have to understand each other.
Would it not be simpler if at times, when things are becoming, a little tense, between anyone, it could be your lover, child, parents, friend, we said 'Look darling, I do not understand you, at all, but I am listening to you, so carry on, get it out of your system and I may not understand you, but I will listen'
Would that not solve alot of problems.
Why do people become so upset when a person does not understand them?
Now how on earth can somebody understand somebody who has no idea who they are let alone what they are talking about?
Why?
And today, over my morning coffee, I thought about this.
Why do we try to understand people? Why do I so often hear?
'He/she does not understand me!'
Well, I want to ask, 'Why do we have to?'
People do not have to understand each other.
Would it not be simpler if at times, when things are becoming, a little tense, between anyone, it could be your lover, child, parents, friend, we said 'Look darling, I do not understand you, at all, but I am listening to you, so carry on, get it out of your system and I may not understand you, but I will listen'
Would that not solve alot of problems.
Why do people become so upset when a person does not understand them?
Now how on earth can somebody understand somebody who has no idea who they are let alone what they are talking about?
Why?
My immediate gut reaction....... probably wrong on my part, but maybe people who utter those words don't understand themselves?
Now, how on earth can somebody understand somebody if that somebody has no idea who they are, let alone what they are talking about?
Is it not a cheap way out, though, to describe oneself as not understanding themselves?
Almost an excuse for not even attempting to try to understand any person.
Almost an excuse for not even attempting to try to understand any person.
Sommerauer71: Is it not a cheap way out, though, to describe oneself as not understanding themselves?
Almost an excuse for not even attempting to try to understand any person.
Almost an excuse for not even attempting to try to understand any person.
Not sure on that one, but I was saying that it might be that people who claim that other people don't understand them don't understand themselves - not understanding yourself, I agree, is not an excuse for not making an attempt to understand others..........
rusty_knight: Not sure on that one, but I was saying that it might be that people who claim that other people don't understand them don't understand themselves - not understanding yourself, I agree, is not an excuse for not making an attempt to understand others..........
I understand.
Sommerauer71: I understand.
But do you really? It could just be that your Wednesday musing, happening as it does on a Wednesday, has pre-disposed you to think that you might understand and you have effectively brain washed yourself into comprehension!
FM I can not quote but you made me laugh good here.
mike69spain: FM I can not quote but you made me laugh good here.
I thought I understood somebody once and I thought that the other person also understood me!
It all ended terribly wrong though as when the awful truth of comprehension finally dawned there was only one thing to do -
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get divorced!
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And today, over my morning coffee, I thought about this.
Why do we try to understand people? Why do I so often hear?
'He/she does not understand me!'
Well, I want to ask, 'Why do we have to?'
People do not have to understand each other.
Would it not be simpler if at times, when things are becoming, a little tense, between anyone, it could be your lover, child, parents, friend, we said 'Look darling, I do not understand you, at all, but I am listening to you, so carry on, get it out of your system and I may not understand you, but I will listen'
Would that not solve alot of problems.
Why do people become so upset when a person does not understand them?
Why?