She told me to let go it's not that I haven't tried
To get past all the darkness keeping me from the light
When I wake up in the morning before the sunrise
I'm still trapped in this nothing that I've kept inside
So don't be alarmed that I'll have to lie
When you ask if Im ok and I say that Im fine
It's to keep me from falling to pieces or falling too deep
To not see their dead faces when I go back to sleep
I thought it'd get better, but it only gets worse
And the older I get the more echoes are stirred
But please understand I need to clear the air
Free from suggestions and not living in fear
My first defense and armor are my skin and my bones
So I sandblasted my flesh then tore down the walls from my home
Now my friends and my family can see where I've been
I wear this all on my sleeve theres no need to pretend
I've battled addiction, myself, and the end
I fought with my demons, but I didn't win
If I ever felt peace that part of me died in sand
Trapped with the lives that I cannot give back
If you believed theres a Heaven than how would you feel
To know that nothing could save you from going to hell
I should have said this all sooner and made you aware
Because I'll choke to death if I don't clear the air

~ JJf ~