does dating a woman with a CHILD cause problems (87)
54xmax: It is called possessiveness, and jealousy. The child learned this kind of clinginess form the mother
( Again speaking from experiences ).
The mother is so clingy to the child, that there is no breathing room. At the same time, the child sees only itself and the mother, and nobody else. Because it feels, that whom ever new would come into the life, that the mother will be taken away so to speak.
( Again speaking from experiences ).
The mother is so clingy to the child, that there is no breathing room. At the same time, the child sees only itself and the mother, and nobody else. Because it feels, that whom ever new would come into the life, that the mother will be taken away so to speak.
Mother and child are supposed to be clingy. That is the crux of the mother/child bond. That is the essence of parenting.
You criticise parents as being incapable of parenting, and yet you don't seem to understand the very core of the parent/child relationship.
jac_the_gripper: Mother and child are supposed to be clingy. That is the crux of the mother/child bond. That is the essence of parenting.
You criticise parents as being incapable of parenting, and yet you don't seem to understand the very core of the parent/child relationship.
You criticise parents as being incapable of parenting, and yet you don't seem to understand the very core of the parent/child relationship.
No they are not. Clingy children, are unable to be independent, and are not strong adults.
Only parents, who are unable to form a healthy relationships, with their partners, make children clingy. Not to mention single mom's who ate clingy to their children, because they are filling an emotional void. I could go on and on here, but you would not understand at all what I am talking about.
54xmax: It is called possessiveness, and jealousy. The child learned this kind of clinginess form the mother
( Again speaking from experiences ).
The mother is so clingy to the child, that there is no breathing room. At the same time, the child sees only itself and the mother, and nobody else. Because it feels, that whom ever new would come into the life, that the mother will be taken away so to speak.
( Again speaking from experiences ).
The mother is so clingy to the child, that there is no breathing room. At the same time, the child sees only itself and the mother, and nobody else. Because it feels, that whom ever new would come into the life, that the mother will be taken away so to speak.
It's normal behavior for a child to become clingy to their parents show me a child who isn't.
I was clingy to my mother nothing wrong with that.
It's also normal for any child to feel like that other person who comes into their mother's life may be taking the place of the parent.
Children have a right to their feelings just as adults do.
I've seen plenty of children while out shopping misbehave but I don't say a word to that particular child cause I feel it's not my place.I've witnessed other children treat someone in a disrepectful way too but I still don't say a word to that child.
When you are only dating someone I don't think one should correct that childs behavior regardless of how that child chooses to act.
54xmax: No they are not. Clingy children, are unable to be independent, and are not strong adults.
Only parents, who are unable to form a healthy relationships, with their partners, make children clingy. Not to mention single mom's who ate clingy to their children, because they are filling an emotional void. I could go on and on here, but you would not understand at all what I am talking about.
Only parents, who are unable to form a healthy relationships, with their partners, make children clingy. Not to mention single mom's who ate clingy to their children, because they are filling an emotional void. I could go on and on here, but you would not understand at all what I am talking about.
Oh, and you living with your daughter and grand daughter. You support clingyness. I think you said it all.
Duties of parents are above all to teach, guide, and prepare their children for independent lives. Not to make them dependant on us emotionally and materialistically. It is one thing to help your child in the world, another to make the child an emotional cripple.
I will not presume about your life, and why your daughter and granddaughter are living with you. However, I can make quite good educated guess. Therefore, I completely understand why you think the way you do.
Oh, and by the way - - again you completely took out of context what I wrote in my longer comment. You are utterly misreading my words, and sentences.
I am done debating with you, because obviously you simply don't understand. About books, I read more than you know, and I got more life's experiences in my 35 years than most people get in their whole lives. What I write is from experiences, and from my vivid studies broad spectre of fields. From Psychology, Sociology, History, Anthropology, Science, Technology.
54xmax: No they are not. Clingy children, are unable to be independent, and are not strong adults.
Only parents, who are unable to form a healthy relationships, with their partners, make children clingy. Not to mention single mom's who ate clingy to their children, because they are filling an emotional void. I could go on and on here, but you would not understand at all what I am talking about.
Only parents, who are unable to form a healthy relationships, with their partners, make children clingy. Not to mention single mom's who ate clingy to their children, because they are filling an emotional void. I could go on and on here, but you would not understand at all what I am talking about.
Excuse me 54max I was very close to my mother but I became a very independent and strong person.It's always amazes me on how some people who have never had children of their own seem to know to know so much about how children who clingy so speak are unable to be independent and strong adults.
Ccincy: Excuse me 54max I was very close to my mother but I became a very independent and strong person.It's always amazes me on how some people who have never had children of their own seem to know to know so much about how children who clingy so speak are unable to be independent and strong adults.
You are an amazing lady. So it goes without saying you are strong
. However, when you were growing up in 17th century
. Times were different .54xmax: You are an amazing lady. So it goes without saying you are strong .
However, when you were growing up in 17th century . Times were different .
However, when you were growing up in 17th century . Times were different .
Thank you for the compliment.
Obviously when I was growing up times were different.
inn0cent_soul: Times are changing and becoming more favorable for women with children to find dates and partners. Besides, the life style of human beings have been changed altogether. Happy families with parents, grandparents, staying together for years, have become a myth, fantasy and fairy tale. Be it man or woman, circumstances are pushing people to live their individual lives. Single parents is no longer a rare case or a rare phenomenon. Therefore, they are being accepted by the society and dating single moms/dads is becoming absolutely common and normal.
And back to the caves we go.
54xmax: Oh, and you living with your daughter and grand daughter. You support clingyness. I think you said it all.
Duties of parents are above all to teach, guide, and prepare their children for independent lives. Not to make them dependant on us emotionally and materialistically. It is one thing to help your child in the world, another to make the child an emotional cripple.
I will not presume about your life, and why your daughter and granddaughter are living with you. However, I can make quite good educated guess. Therefore, I completely understand why you think the way you do.
Oh, and by the way - - again you completely took out of context what I wrote in my longer comment. You are utterly misreading my words, and sentences.
I am done debating with you, because obviously you simply don't understand. About books, I read more than you know, and I got more life's experiences in my 35 years than most people get in their whole lives. What I write is from experiences, and from my vivid studies broad spectre of fields. From Psychology, Sociology, History, Anthropology, Science, Technology.
Duties of parents are above all to teach, guide, and prepare their children for independent lives. Not to make them dependant on us emotionally and materialistically. It is one thing to help your child in the world, another to make the child an emotional cripple.
I will not presume about your life, and why your daughter and granddaughter are living with you. However, I can make quite good educated guess. Therefore, I completely understand why you think the way you do.
Oh, and by the way - - again you completely took out of context what I wrote in my longer comment. You are utterly misreading my words, and sentences.
I am done debating with you, because obviously you simply don't understand. About books, I read more than you know, and I got more life's experiences in my 35 years than most people get in their whole lives. What I write is from experiences, and from my vivid studies broad spectre of fields. From Psychology, Sociology, History, Anthropology, Science, Technology.
It's interesting that you comment on the widespread practice of extended families living together as if there's something wrong with it.
There's nothing wrong with strong bonds between parents and children, Max. For many people it's also an issue of practicalities and supporting each other, whether that's for financial reasons, or caring for children, or elderly parents, whoever is vulnerable and needs care. There's nothing wrong with families looking after each other.
jac_the_gripper: It's interesting that you comment on the widespread practice of extended families living together as if there's something wrong with it.
There's nothing wrong with strong bonds between parents and children, Max. For many people it's also an issue of practicalities and supporting each other, whether that's for financial reasons, or caring for children, or elderly parents, whoever is vulnerable and needs care. There's nothing wrong with families looking after each other.
There's nothing wrong with strong bonds between parents and children, Max. For many people it's also an issue of practicalities and supporting each other, whether that's for financial reasons, or caring for children, or elderly parents, whoever is vulnerable and needs care. There's nothing wrong with families looking after each other.
Well said!
jac_the_gripper: It's interesting that you comment on the widespread practice of extended families living together as if there's something wrong with it.
There's nothing wrong with strong bonds between parents and children, Max. For many people it's also an issue of practicalities and supporting each other, whether that's for financial reasons, or caring for children, or elderly parents, whoever is vulnerable and needs care. There's nothing wrong with families looking after each other.
There's nothing wrong with strong bonds between parents and children, Max. For many people it's also an issue of practicalities and supporting each other, whether that's for financial reasons, or caring for children, or elderly parents, whoever is vulnerable and needs care. There's nothing wrong with families looking after each other.
Boundaries are the difference between bonding and clinging. A child needs to be taught boundaries.
Dedovix: Have to disagree with you on that ...
its more likely that children with an ,as you put it , insecure attachment ,mature (ripe) before their peers ,learn to stand up for them self and get as someone said" street smart"
its more likely that children with an ,as you put it , insecure attachment ,mature (ripe) before their peers ,learn to stand up for them self and get as someone said" street smart"
Perhaps we're talking about two different kinds of independence, here.
I agree with you, a child with insecure attachments is maybe likely to learn to practically survive at a young age, but there's also the issue of emotional independence, or relying on inner emotional strength and confidence.
Not learning the skills to form healthy relationships in childhood may lead to social/emotional isolation, or dysfunction. It may then be difficult for that person to have the emotional confidence and independence to allow significant others to have relationships with other friends and family members.
I'm not sure I've explained that very well, but I'm conscious of not using too much technical language.
Obstinance_Works: Boundaries are the difference between bonding and clinging. A child needs to be taught boundaries.
Boundaries are important for making a child feel secure. Boundaries are part of secure attachment.
An intruder into the dynamic must be cognisant of the fact that they will alter those boundaries. Those boundaries need to be re-established slowly and sensitively if, and only if, the intruder is going to be a permanent fixture.
You don't go mucking around with those boundaries with a sledgehammer in an untimely manner. You don't try and usurp the child for your own needs. You don't ignore that the child is the most needy, most vulnerable and most powerful person in the dynamic. You don't confuse the boundaries (with inappropriate behavioural, cognitive and emotional expectations of yourself and others) about who is the adult and who is the child.
LadyLori: Well said!
Thank you.
jac_the_gripper: Perhaps we're talking about two different kinds of independence, here.
I agree with you, a child with insecure attachments is maybe likely to learn to practically survive at a young age, but there's also the issue of emotional independence, or relying on inner emotional strength and confidence.
Not learning the skills to form healthy relationships in childhood may lead to social/emotional isolation, or dysfunction. It may then be difficult for that person to have the emotional confidence and independence to allow significant others to have relationships with other friends and family members.
I'm not sure I've explained that very well, but I'm conscious of not using too much technical language.
I agree with you, a child with insecure attachments is maybe likely to learn to practically survive at a young age, but there's also the issue of emotional independence, or relying on inner emotional strength and confidence.
Not learning the skills to form healthy relationships in childhood may lead to social/emotional isolation, or dysfunction. It may then be difficult for that person to have the emotional confidence and independence to allow significant others to have relationships with other friends and family members.
I'm not sure I've explained that very well, but I'm conscious of not using too much technical language.
You`ve done just fine , explained perfectly ...forming a healthy relationship depends on quite a few factors and yes ,a child that comes from a functional family will probably have an advantage ...
Obstinance_Works: Boundaries are the difference between bonding and clinging. A child needs to be taught boundaries.
BOUNDARIES and that is what kids nowadays are lacking off respect and boundaries.
Singlelisious: BOUNDARIES and that is what kids nowadays are lacking off respect and boundaries.
It's also how their parents raised them.Also how that person chooses to conduct themselves.
Dedovix: You`ve done just fine , explained perfectly ...forming a healthy relationship depends on quite a few factors and yes ,a child that comes from a functional family will probably have an advantage ...
Thank you.
I whole-heartedly agree that a child coming from a reasonably well functional family (none of us are perfect, nor would we want to set ourselves, or others impossible and dysfunctional goals) will probably have advantages.
I agree, many factors may affect child development and relationships.
I also think we can each take responsibility for our continuing personal development, whatever hand we've been dealt in life.
there's a lot to be said for the old saying "children should be seen and not heard!" (same could be said for some adults!) 
minnieme2: there's a lot to be said for the old saying "children should be seen and not heard!" (same could be said for some adults!)
I would say mostly adults.
minnieme2: there's a lot to be said for the old saying "children should be seen and not heard!" (same could be said for some adults!)
Just as well we're using the written medium here, eh?
Obstinance_Works: And back to the caves we go.
yes lets go back to the caves days. If after getting so much civilized, the human species have to end up in engaging itself to genocides, hatred, anger, inhumanity etc etc, it's better to go to the days of caves. Hopefully I will cross path with my dream guy there ... who might have time to make love instead of making wars with the world inside and outside
jac_the_gripper: It's interesting that you comment on the widespread practice of extended families living together as if there's something wrong with it.
There's nothing wrong with strong bonds between parents and children, Max. For many people it's also an issue of practicalities and supporting each other, whether that's for financial reasons, or caring for children, or elderly parents, whoever is vulnerable and needs care. There's nothing wrong with families looking after each other.
There's nothing wrong with strong bonds between parents and children, Max. For many people it's also an issue of practicalities and supporting each other, whether that's for financial reasons, or caring for children, or elderly parents, whoever is vulnerable and needs care. There's nothing wrong with families looking after each other.
thumbs up !!!Obstinance_Works: Boundaries are the difference between bonding and clinging. A child needs to be taught boundaries.
A child is a child and he will learn boundaries when he will become adult !!!
jac_the_gripper: Just as well we're using the written medium here, eh?
Where' s the happy medium? 
joey987: Where' s the happy medium?
A nibble...?
jac_the_gripper: A nibble...?
Yes probably a nibble.
I like to nibble on my French fries.joey987: Yes probably a nibble. I like to nibble on my French fries.
You obviously haven't experienced the delights of sinking your choppers into a big, fat British chip.
jac_the_gripper: You obviously haven't experienced the delights of sinking your choppers into a big, fat British chip.
No, only North American knock offs.
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to the child
for god`s sake You`re the guy who s doing their mom ...
Bingo.