Ccincy




The way I see things is that if they are a really good friend they would encourage that person to do so.

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minnieme2


thumbs up

Generally, when people say hi how are you, they don't really want to know, it's just a turn of phrase but it can be more annoying when you're actually fine and they won't believe you, some actually look at you as if the say the cheek of you to be fine! dunno

Reply
bohemianjack


Connie.. wave

You might be a little wrong but you're Fine! F-ed up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional.. laugh

wine

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NAKEDMUDPEOPLE
F ucked
I nsucure
N eurotic
E motional

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Ocee102



Sometimes I do say I'm not fine, but saying I'm fine when I'm not, is generally just a polite f-off to someone I've no intention of talking to about what's up for me because they either don't really care, I don't anticipate enjoying what they would do with the information, or it's just none of their business.

There are of course exceptions.

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Dragos1
The song title is an acronym for "Fúcked Up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional", as stated in the album's liner notes.



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RainComeShine
Hi minni

I think you have it in a nutshell

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RainComeShine
Hi Ocee

I find that men are more cagey than women and get more upset about people knowing their business. It is a sort of pride don't you think?

dunno

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RainComeShine
Dragos

great track and my point exactly.

buddies

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RainComeShine


So you're fine too I take it?





hug handshake

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RainComeShine


A problem shared is a problem halved!

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Ocee102


It's not pride, for me.

Outside my intimate relationships, very little good comes of telling others when I'm struggling. I've never been offered a job, or a promotion because I'm feeling overwhelmed, or insecure, or sad.

It's much the same with women. Once they're emotionally invested in me, there's an upside to letting them in, but before that? I might as well just shoot myself in the foot. laugh

It's different in relationships, but expressing vulnerability still carries the very real risk of loss of value to our partners.

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bohemianjack


Sometimes just to be funny I'll say horsh*t but thanks for asking.. laugh

How are you Ocee.. wave

wine

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Ocee102



I am godlike. grin

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KNenagh


There are people I can tell if I'm not fine. They're the important ones who care and will be there for me.

I don't see much good in discussing this with others or at work though.

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RainComeShine
I think if your distress is causing you to hurt others then it's good to at least reveal that there's a problem even if you don't disclose what the problem is.

This poll has been a learning curve for me. Quite enlightening.

Thanks to all who participated.

handshake cheers

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Obstinance_Works


If I'm going to lie then I'll lie well. I've been having chest pains recently and I'd not told any of the women around me because they'll worry too much. I found out it was a ligament strain and then told the girls, but before then I could only tell men.

If I pretend to be ok it's usually to be protective, and I feel more protective over women I care about than men I care about. I also know men will take worrying news better and be less of a burden on my conscience.

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Obstinance_Works


This is contrast to the woman's "I'm fine" which is a poor lie that isn't supposed to be believed and is actually anything but protective and is instead a manipulative act of tacit aggression.

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KremaP
Well, I generally feel fine...Usually I am the one that asks this question, due to my work, which includes therapeutic procedures.
The best thing is to have someone you can share anything with. Just a meaningless funny conversation could work miracles.

If I feel a bit down I usually answer "Nothing to complain about..." wine

Reply
Obstinance_Works


Basically the chest pain problem shared with a man became a problem halved, the same problem shared with a woman became a problem doubled. When I tell a woman about a problem of this kind I often wish I'd never said anything and that's usually why I'll pretend to be fine.

Also, when I told women it was a strain their first instinct was annoyance at not telling them sooner about the pain. The men I hadn't told first instinct was relief at it not being more serious. Her instinctive response was to think of herself and her feelings, his first response was to think of me and my wellbeing. It makes one wonder which gender really is the more compassionate sex.

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2intrigued


Based on what you're saying here, I must be a man then. giggle All kidding aside, I'm glad you're alright Obs. hug

Reply
RainComeShine


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bohemianjack


popcorn

Your assessment of 'I'm fine' seems fairly astute.. wink

What are your thoughts when a woman says 'you're fine'.. laugh

wine

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RainComeShine
I'm not sure that I agree with that in my case although, of course, you know your people well.

I've always found the men to be the worriers and the women to be more practical with constructive advice. I think you touched on that.

I think you like to protect your women from worry or are you actually worried that if you share it with them and it turns out not to be serious that they may think you wimpish.

I'm not suggesting that you are but I do feel that men are often too proud to tell women.

In my experience both genders can be caring or selfish in their reaction to bad news of this kind.

A bit of support can be helpful or a hindrance and will depend on who is the recipient of the news.

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Benny2025
women always say that, but they never mean it.

The 'I'm fine' is the equivalent of 'move out'

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