Elegsabiff Blog Comments (9,358)

Why is it

Too right and the third?

RE: Shame he didnt make 80..........

Avada kedavra. Okay not in the best taste but I gather his death WAS unexpected. RIP.

Oh Jeff . . .

I went back into full-time work in July 2015 and PAYE is bliss. I have to do a tax return because I have international income. I mean truly international. I earned $3 in royalties from India, even. and have sold as many as 9 books in Germany. In a year, I mean, not all at once. Luckily not my main market.

Oh Jeff . . .

I need someone with brains right now to sort my tax. No matter how much I load my expenses, I seem to have made more money than I spent last year. The bank balance says very firmly otherwise. I barely ATE. How can I possibly owe HMRC money?

Oh Jeff . . .

Pedal, I'm attracted to BRAINS. He's a genius. Look at Jurassic Park, and his chaos theory? and single-handedly bringing down an alien race that threatened our whole WORLD? QED.

But you may have a point. My other rather favourite, Spock, now that you mention it, not an entirely unlike type. Hmm.

Oh Jeff . . .

Angel, I warned the whole of Twitter to back off. Mine, I said. They know me there. They'll keep clear. Then I just need to tell him first I'm announcing our engagement, I think that's only polite?

Oh Jeff . . .

Robbie Williams against a wall? ohhhhhhhhkay we definitely have conflicting tastes in men. Yay, no cat fights ever!

If he sings to you while at it I might hang around and listen. Keep your groupy shrieks down though. He's not a bad singer.

Oh Jeff . . .

Z Patrick Swayze is a different type altogether. And dances a little too well. I don't trust blokes who dance too well

Oh Jeff . . .

Phew, glad to hear a promising friendship won't end in a cat fight. Unless Will Smith should pop by.

Taxes. Coffee. A quick glance back at Twitter. Catch yer later.

Who is on your list, Molly?

Oh Jeff . . .

Well okay maybe not that pure. Put it this way, he’s top on my list – you know the list? The one you agree with your soulmate, those special people you are free to have a go at if the chance ever came up? No questions, no recriminations, and hell if any man of mine ever did score with Jacqueline Bisset or Michelle Pfeiffer I’d hold his hat and cheer him on. I’d even want to hear all the details.

And I would expect him to want to hear everything about Jeff.

Oh Jeff . . .

Z! my love is pure.

Oh Jeff . . .

Yeah yeah he may not have been Jeff Goldblum himself, unless JG cruises Twitter looking for mentions of his name. Don’t rain on my parade, k?

This is an in-and-out visit as I have to do my tax return by end January which is suddenly rushing up rather quickly so I'm as relieved you are all struck dumb by my luck, or my taste, or something.

Oh Jeff . . .

My previous biggest coup on Twitter was Brent Spiner retweeting one of my tweets. Data? Star Trek Voyager? Come to think of it, he was in Independence Day with Jeff Goldblum. As was the delectable Will Smith. Hmmmm. I wonder, I wonder, if I could point out to Will Smith that he could complete my set of my favourite actors from Independence Day . . .

How to be English

Z, she's just planking.

How to be English

Pat, you're pretty fluent! Teach me more. But in a Berkshire accent, if you could. That's the one I'll potentially need.

How to be English

Socrates, right now my drinking is so unsecret I have my wine on the front doorstep because there isn't room in the fridge.

The front doorstep, because it has an overhang. And I still got soaked getting the last glass.

It will be frozen by morning, and I will be back on the soft stuff. Christmas only comes twice a year.

How to be English

Oh hell one more glass of wine won't hurt. This is fun.

How to be English

Pat, I was wondering if I should try Made In Chelsea. I've already got the drawled yah down pat from all those years in SA?

How to be English

Z, why do you think all of Europe kisses cheeks rather than shaking hands with the English?

How to be English

Pat, not familiar with that one. If I do have to relocate, I will start some heavy studying, anything better than having to study Coronation Street to get myself taken as native.

How to be English

Do you speak Irish, Molly? This place is crammed with people who speak more than one language. I retain a bietjie Afrikaans, petit peu French, a smidgeon of German and that's IT.

And yes, I can't even remember how to say in German that I only know a tiny bit of German. I should probably stop listing it.

I can greet people in 11 languages, 4 of them from South Africa, but it only raises their expectations so I don't really bother.

How to be English

I want to move to Ballygobackwards My enemies could never find me there

The first time I asked for directions in Scotland I got a high-speed stream of which I understood 3 words - "two miles", and then "kirk". Now kirk happens to be the Afrikaans word for church, and my mind instantly skittered off.

Kirk? is this an Afrikaner? can't be, listen to his accent. Is kirk a church in Scotland too? I think it might be. Oh help what else did he say?

I said thanks and drove off, in the wrong direction. He followed me and flashed his lights, then pointed. Pointing, I can understand. Nice people, the Scots.

BTW, a kirk is a church in both countries. Odd, really.

How to be English

Grrr. I walked into that one.

How to be English

Did you have to set your watch forward for Spain, Z?

How to be English

See? SEE?

You English, you so blerry rude.

How to be English

We DO. Bloody foreigners innocently stop people to ask something, hey, howzit, could you -

Where you from? You talk funny.

Well, Scotland

You don't sound Scottish

Well, I just live there

So where you from?

South Africa

Oh.

So - can you tell me where the motorway is?

You going back to Scotland?

Yes

I don't know where it is.

(real conversation )

How to be English

But then we'd be neighbours and could terrorise the whole country

I'm going to ask for a new posting

Jobwise I may have to move to England. To keep the cover job, I mean. I've spent 15 years being told by Scots that having to go to England would be a fate worse than death. Eek.

How to be English

Min, international foreign spy! this is why you got the good posting and I drew the wet windy dark rainy one

How to be English

Shhh, don't tell anyone I still am

How to be English

Actually I should have put up a blog on how to be Portuguese. Apparently moving to the Algarve is a future option. Can anyone clue me in?