How to be English
What does it mean to be English?One of the English national daily newspapers asked readers "What does it mean to be English?" Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a chap in Switzerland stood out;
"Being English is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, and then grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way home, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American or Australian shows on a Japanese or Korean TV which will soon be powered by a Chinese nuclear power station.
And the most English thing of all?
Suspicion of anything foreign."
Comments (61)
7 minutes ago
Only one way .be born in england
Eh no, that just makes you born in England. You have to be raised there.
I have spent the same amount of years both here and in England....
My heart lies over the Atlantic.....i only read the Daily Mail...the last 2 years i only converse with my children in english...(they always reply in german)....
I took a very brief video of daughter sharing sofa with dog (who isn't very good at sharing) with me talking, quite alarming how gruff and deep my voice is. Eek (she says in a high-pitched ladylike way)
I'd post it but I have no idea how! I know Ken19 has managed it.
An old friend of mine was named William English. Does that count?
Just wondering.
Enjoy your day!
Then I think how often I would have to spell 'Fanshaw' out and it stops being so funny.
Evening here now, but you enjoy yours
You would have been a great spy!
Then they say I speak good french for a..????
I'm going to ask for a new posting
Jobwise I may have to move to England. To keep the cover job, I mean. I've spent 15 years being told by Scots that having to go to England would be a fate worse than death. Eek.
Bloody foreigners like yourself don't suffer as much in the hands of the Saracens
Where you from? You talk funny.
Well, Scotland
You don't sound Scottish
Well, I just live there
So where you from?
Oh.
So - can you tell me where the motorway is?
You going back to Scotland?
Yes
I don't know where it is.
(real conversation
You English, you so blerry rude.
Or the fact we can take a joke about ourselves
The first time I asked for directions in Scotland I got a high-speed stream of which I understood 3 words - "two miles", and then "kirk". Now kirk happens to be the Afrikaans word for church, and my mind instantly skittered off.
Kirk? is this an Afrikaner? can't be, listen to his accent. Is kirk a church in Scotland too? I think it might be. Oh help what else did he say?
I said thanks and drove off, in the wrong direction. He followed me and flashed his lights, then pointed. Pointing, I can understand. Nice people, the Scots.
BTW, a kirk is a church in both countries. Odd, really.
It is cill in Irish.
And yes, I can't even remember how to say in German that I only know a tiny bit of German. I should probably stop listing it.
I can greet people in 11 languages, 4 of them from South Africa, but it only raises their expectations so I don't really bother.
I would survive in Spanish. Well I could eat or drink anyway
French, I could understand a little, same with Italian . But there my knowledge ends...