A Man is 75 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."
He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and
I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, "What, are you crazy? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride"
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
A senior citizen in Dublin bought a brand new BMW convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great," he thought as he roared down M1.
He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a Garda car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
"I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he floored it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph.
Then 110, 120 mph.
Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing."
He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the guard to catch up with him.
The guard pulled in behind the BMW and walked up to the man. "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in a half an hour and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The man looked at the Guard and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a Guard, and I thought you were bringing her back."
When Jesus was put on the cross he looked down and he calls to peter, and peter tries to approach.
But the roman guards prevent him with violence, they blacken his eye and scuff him up pretty good
Jesus calls him again "Peter.." and peter cries "I'm coming lord!", and throws himself at the guards who beat him roughly and break his arm at which point he whimpers off.
Again Jesus calls to him, "Peter.." Peter yells to Christ "I'm coming!" , then throws himself at the guards again.
Putting up a vicious struggle, but not laying a hand of violence on the guards.
Finally they consent and let him pass.. and peter.. his broken arm.. badly badly bruised and slashed makes it before Jesus and kneels and says "I am here father what is it that you want of me?".
A man had been drinking for several hours in his local pub when the barman started to close up. The drunken man got off his stool and fell to the floor. He pulled himself up on the stool, took one step toward the door and fell again. "Oh, God. I'll crawl then," he said. He crawled to the door, pulled himself up by the doorknob, worked his way outside and fell again when he let go. He decided to crawl around the corner to his home. He pulled himself up to let himself in, managed to close the door, but fell again when he stepped toward the couch. After crawling to the couch he pulled himself up on it and went to sleep. An hour later his wife turned on the lights and woke him up.
"You've been drinking again, haven't you?" she said angrily.
"No, honey. I was out with the guys late and did not want to wake you..."
"Right," she said. "The bar just called to let me know you forgot your wheelchair."
Bellysgonnagetya Forum Posts (1,267)
RE: how do you feel
ah jasus will yis grow a thick hide, theres a**hole everywere ya go, its how ya deal with them that counts