I think in talking about it it has perhaps increased my understanding a little.
If substance misuse is a self-propagating cycle, at least at some point, or to a certain extent, it maybe takes something external to that cycle to initiate change.
That trigger to break the cycle could come from many sources. For some, it might be having a child, realising the impact substance misuse is having upon loved ones, ill-health, financial ruin, making a psychological connection, having an emotional realisation, whatever.
For some, losing things, or losing everything perhaps merely compounds emotional pain and the consequent numbing of that pain.
I haven't watched this for a while, but perhaps you might find it relevant in some way:
She may have a physiological dependency, so if she doesn't drink she gets intolerable withdrawal symptoms, but that's probably secondary to the psychological need she has to consume alcohol.
That psychological need, or those psychological needs, will be unique to her. Looking at models of alcohol, or other substance misuse might be useful in your understanding, but ultimately the whys and wherefores are likely to be complex. Only she will be able to unravel how she has come to be at this point in her life. Only she has all the information, all her life experiences and memories.
I'm guessing that for many people substance misuse hides a lot of pain, or is a coping strategy of some kind. If someone is hiding pain, numbing that pain, probably means it's difficult for them to explore that pain. If they can't explore that pain, then it's difficult to resolve it. If it remains unresolved, they maybe carry on hiding it because it feels too big for them to deal with.
I'm hearing that you feel judged, Larry and I appreciate that's not nice.
You probably realise from my post history (we've both been here a while, eh? ) that I'm not a religious person at all, but a phrase I find useful at times is, "There, but for the grace of god, go I."
You probably also realise from my post history that my daughter's father had substance misuse issues which impacted upon myself and my daughter, particularly my daughter.
We both had a troubled history and some similarities. It was that which probably brought us together with some level of understanding. I have often wondered though, how it is that he took one path in life, and I another.
"There, but for the grace of God go I".
What is it that meant he disappeared further into numbing his pain, while I looked at confronting mine?
I went through a stage of trying to get him to address his substance misuse. It was foolish to do that. I wanted him to do that for my benefit and my daughter's, but it was never going to happen until he made that decision for himself. I have no idea if he ever has.
I went through a stage of being angry with him and blaming him for a lot of stuff. It's a natural reaction and maybe a necessary part of the process of distancing oneself from something destructive we've become caught up in.
Ultimately, however, I've needed to look at myself and look at how I want to be as a human being. I've needed to look at how I would like my life to be. That's a process which takes a while.
I appreciate that the original post may feel like a judgement and may evoke unpleasant feelings and anger. When judgements are made, or perceived to be made, we tend to make judgements back as a means of self-defence.
BUT...we don't know the OP's story, either. We don't know how she has been affected by alcohol misuse. We don't know if she's exploring how someone else's alcohol misuse has impacted upon her, impacted upon someone she knows and cares for, or indeed if she's exploring judgements made against her as someone who has misused alcohol herself.
Nobody has walked in her shoes, either.
By making judgements, by asking if she has the gall to come back, or not have the courage to respond to posts, you're maybe closing off her exploration of how alcohol has impacted upon her life. Maybe that's what you want to do for reasons of your own.
She might be saying things you find upsetting. She might me saying things that I find unproductive and judgemental, but why would we expect her to 'get it right' if she's at a stage of exploration?
How about we're patient and allow her to explore whatever it is she needs to? We can challenge ideas without getting upset and angry if we choose to. We can express our thoughts and feelings without hostility if we choose to. Perhaps in this way, it could be a learning experience for many even if it hurts at times.
Why do you think alcohol misuse might be one thing, or another for all people who misuse alcohol?
Although there might be models, like the disease model, used for 'treatment' purposes, it doesn't mean all people who misuse alcohol and want to stop find that one particular model relevant, or useful.
From observation, I'd say for some people substance misuse is a way of controlling their psychological, or physiological environment. For example, alcohol may be used to numb pain (say, a grieving widow 'drowning their sorrows'), or excessive caffeine, or cocaine use may control symptoms of ADHD for some people.
In turn, the physiological, or psychological 'addictive' qualities of the substance being misused may control the person using the substance.
Why would other people then want to control the misusing person further by deciding whether it's a disease, an excuse for irresponsible behaviour, or indeed that it's self-medicating?
I suspect it's something to do with the impact other people's substance misuse has had on them. The behaviour of someone misusing substances often has a negative impact on those around them. If we have had our control taken away from us by a person who is misusing, we maybe want to get that control back by understanding what really went on.
If someone is to 'get over' misusing substances, their understanding and method of 'getting over' it must come from within. They will have their own individual story.
Likewise, someone affected by another person's misuse can only find 'true' understanding of themselves: they can only really explore their own story and make their own life changes.
What would happen if you tried something else with your profile, Ro?
Say you copy and pasted you current profile material somewhere else so it was kept safe to put back any time you wanted and tried some other approaches?
I'm just thinking you could play around with different ideas and see what happens, without losing your original, or any other profile types you come up with.
Does it seem scary in some way to try different things out with your profile?
How were those profiles working in terms of meeting the needs of those people? Were they producing the kind of contacts and relationships those people were hoping for?
How about someone might feel fortunate to have an understanding of different experiences which they can learn from and put to good use for the benefit of others?
Would Nelson Mandela have understood the nature of poverty, deprivation and persecution so well if he'd not experienced and looked at it very carefully? He was the man who thought to free his gaolers, after all.
I think maybe it's quite important to free one's gaolers. In freeing them, one frees oneself.
Does the article give any indication as to why half of black men's marriages end?
If half the marriages involving black men also involve people with a terminal illness, then being black and male isn't the cause of the marriage ending, it's death of the spouse.
I realise it's a slightly silly example, but it demonstrates the difference between a correlation (black men and marriages ending) and cause (terminal illness of the spouse leading to death).
Besides that, even if half of black men's marriages end, it doesn't mean the other half are 'bad husbands'. The other half whose marriages don't end might be the best husbands in the world.
Sometimes articles are written in a misleading way to make the research sound more exciting, interesting, or even in this case possibly to incite racial disharmony.
jac379 Forum Posts (12,293)
) that I'm not a religious person at all, but a phrase I find useful at times is, "There, but for the grace of god, go I."
RE: Alcoholism
Perhaps part of the problem is we tend to dehumanise people who have substance misuse issues.We tend to see them as a drug, or alcohol problem, rather than people with with difficulties.
I think it's imperative to look at the human story behind the substance misuse.