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THE FINAL EXAM

Recent email and too good not to share....
You are going to love this one!

There were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the
weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Florida State until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.

The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one, in a separate room, thought this was going to be easy ... then they turned the page. On the second page was written...

For 95 points: Which tire? _________

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Aug 2015
in Comedy
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DEAD CROWS

I love birds and so took this seriously when I first got it in email from a friend ...but reading on,see the joke ...this one's for Nam with his Truckin Blog!

'

Mysterious Crow Deaths

'

A fact you won't soon forget...Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.

By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

He very quickly concluded the cause:'

When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

They discovered that while all the look-out crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck."

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Aug 2015
in Comedy
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THE SNEEZE...

Another recent email received...passing it on for those who will enjoy the attitude and determination shown here.

> They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-two students filing into the already crowded auditorium. With their rich maroon gowns flowing and the traditional caps, they looked almost as grown up as they felt.
>
> Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles, and Moms freely brushed away tears.
>
> This class would NOT pray during the commencements, not by choice, but because of a recent court ruling prohibiting it.
>
> The principal and several students were careful to stay within the guidelines allowed by the ruling. They gave inspirational and challenging speeches, but no one mentioned divine guidance and no one asked for blessings on the graduates or their families.
>
> The speeches were nice, but they were routine until the final speech received a standing ovation.
>
> A solitary student walked proudly to the microphone. He stood still and silent for just a moment, and then, it happened.
>
> All 92 students, every single one of them, suddenly SNEEZED !!!!
>
> The student on stage simply looked at the audience and said,
>
> 'GOD BLESS YOU' And he walked off the stage…
>
> The audience exploded into applause. This graduating class had found a unique way to invoke God's blessing on their future with or without the court's approval.
>
> This is a true story; it happened at Eastern Shore District High School in Musquodoboit Harbour, Nova Scotia.

And for those who don't understand the story...many people use this custom of saying "God Bless You" when a person sneezes.

WHERE THERE IS A WILL.....THERE IS A WAY!
>

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Jul 2015
in Society
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JULY 4TH....INDEPENDENCE DAY!

CELEBRATE FREEDOM!

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Jul 2015
in Politics
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The New Generation

Got this courtesy of a friend...Is it coming to this???

Daughter: "Daddy, I am coming home to get married. Take out your
check book. I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in
California and he lives in New York. We met on a dating website,
became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed
to me on Skype and now we've had two months of relationship through
Viper. Dad, I need your blessings, good wishes, and a big wedding."

Father: "Wow! Really!! Then get married on Twitter, have fun on
Tango, buy your kids on Amazon and pay through PayPal. And if you
get fed up with your husband....sell him on Ebay."

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Jun 2015
in Comedy
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GOOD LESSONS

MAKES SENSE

by Andy Rooney

If you will take the time to read these. I promise you'll come away with an enlightened perspective. The subjects covered affect us all on a daily basis: They're written by the late Andy Rooney ( ex-60 Minutes USA), a man who had the gift of saying so much with so few words. Enjoy......

I've learned... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned... That when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.

I've learned... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned... That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned... That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am

I've learned... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I've learned... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life

I've learned... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!

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Jun 2015
in Lifestyle
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WAY TOO fUNNY

Joke received today in email....

We were dressed and ready to go out for a dinner & theatre evening. We turned on a 'night light', turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parrot and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local taxi company and requested a taxi.

The taxi arrived, and we opened the front door to leave the house. As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard scooted back into the house.

We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to get at the parrot.

My wife walked on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat ran upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, my wife didn't want the driver to know that the house would be empty for the night so, she explained to the taxi driver that I would be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-by to my mother."

A few minutes later, I got into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away.

"That stupid b*tch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her a** with a coat hanger to get her to come out. She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck.

Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her downstairs and threw her out into the backyard! She'd better not shit in the vegetable garden again!"

The silence in the taxi was deafening.

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Jun 2015
in Comedy
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MEMORIAL DAY THANKS

THANK YOU FROM THE HEART.... to the MULTITUDES who have served this country....who were PREPARED TO GIVE or HAVE GIVEN the ultimate sacrifice...THEIR LIVES.....that we CAN LIVE OUR LIVES as we do today. It is a day to pause to remember them..with GRATITUDE.

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May 2015
in Lifestyle
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Is this the future?

This came from email and could be based on facts...Just read, hoping you don't recognize anyone here and be grateful that you don't!

ONE: Recently, I went to McDonald's and I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.

'You don't?' I replied.

'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.

'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'

'That's right.'

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets

(Unbelievable but sadly true...)

(Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.)

(And they think they are worth $15.00 per hour)

TWO:
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those dividers that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the divider, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.

Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'

I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'

She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.

She had no clue to what had just happened.

(But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)

THREE:
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her DVD drive and pulling it out very quickly.

When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM thingy.

(Keep shuddering!!)

FOUR:
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.

'Do you need some help?' I asked.

She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'

Hmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.

'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered,handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'

PLEASE just lie down before you hurt yourself !!!

FIVE:
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

Brunette, by the way!!

SIX:
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants.

The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'

Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right now!'

SEVEN:
At a Program Review meeting in Atlanta, The company VP asked one of her employees, a young blonde with a degree in Computer Science, to please take the minutes of the meeting.

At the end of the meeting the VP asked the young lady for the minutes and the young lady replied "Yes, the meeting lasted 3 hours and 45 minutes."

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May 2015
in Comedy
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Facebook is donating to Disaster Relief Fund

Anyone who wants to donate to help Nepal and its people after the disastrous earthquake can check with their Facebook account where it is explained that your donations can be made thru FB. I'm sure many of you are aware of this with Facebook but for those who wish to help the people affected by this quake, this is one way to accomplish it.

However we do it, there is a tremendous need for help in this quake area....so if at all possible,let's find someway that we as individuals can help our international family at this time.

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May 2015
in News
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REMEMBER ....APRIL 22

EARTH DAY:
Do your part..preserve THE WORLD...it's HOME!

Earth Day is an annual event, celebrated on April 22, on which day events worldwide are held to demonstrate support for environmental protection. It was first celebrated in 1970, and is now coordinated globally by the Earth Day Network, and celebrated in more than 192 countries each year

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:

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Apr 2015
in News
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Spring Violet Jam...using wild violets

Spring Violet Jam..using Wild Violets

Spring is Violet time in the Midwest...did you know you could use the blooms to make a edible Jam? Here's a recipe for making Violet Jam using the blooms only, not the stems or leaves. Be sure to pick your blooms in area free of pollutants or spray. Anyone with allergies should sample small amt of this to test for reaction to the flowers involved.

1 1/2 cups violet blooms (purple color or white)
1 1/2 cups water, divided
Juice of 1 lime
2 1/3 cups sugar
1 package (1 3/4 ounces) powdered pectin

Rinse violet blooms well, place in blender. Add 3/4 cup water & lime juice, blend well.
Gradually add sugar,blending til a smooth paste is formed.
In a saucepan, combine pectin & remaining water. bring to a boil for 1 minute. add to blender & blend 1 minute.
Quickly pour into prepared jars & seal with lids or may be stored in refrigerator. Jam will be magenta pink color if using mostly purple blooms.
Makes 4-5 small jars of jam.

Very good on biscuits or toast.

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Apr 2015
in Food
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This is a list of avias's Blogs. Click here for avias's Blog List

avias Blog (44)

THE FINAL EXAM

DEAD CROWS

THE SNEEZE...

JULY 4TH....INDEPENDENCE DAY!

The New Generation

GOOD LESSONS

WAY TOO fUNNY

MEMORIAL DAY THANKS

Is this the future?

Facebook is donating to Disaster Relief Fund

REMEMBER ....APRIL 22

Spring Violet Jam...using wild violets

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