The Earth is still rotating. Time is still rolling on. And life is…
For Juliet, life is just beginning. She has set up her flower shop. She is still learning to cook nutritious food. She is decorating her life with flowers, music, food, business and her future husband. Life is just beginning.
But for Melanie, life in this city has ended. Several days later, she went back GZ. At the train station, she smiled bitterly and said goodbye to me, to this city. Maybe she would never step on this city again.
For most of us, we are just “Melanie”. We come here with the most beautiful hope. We strive for our beautiful dreams. We try to get something, but sometimes, what you paid can’t always bring back what you want. We are beat, and we stand up, but we are down again… The journey is very tiring. So at the end of the year, most of us leave this city for ever, back to our hometown, and never come back again.
Only a few of us can be “Juliet”, who can buy a house here, who can set up her own business here, and who can build her family with her lover here.
And there are some people who are neither “Melanie” nor “Juliet”. I am one of them. For me, life is still continuing…No beginning, no ending.
I don’t belong to this city. It is weird that I have a feeling that I don’t belong to my hometown any more. Whenever I came back my hometown, so many new things, so many new faces, that I acted like a fool. People walking in the streets are no longer my old friends or classmates. I can’t find my position in my hometown.
I missed those good old days when I could always meet my friends or classmates in the streets. My hometown is so small that I could always meet some friends whenever I went out. Together with them I could feel that I belonged to my hometown, I belonged to them, and I didn’t feel lonely. However, most of us have begun new life in other cities. Most of us don’t belong to our hometown. Most of us have stepped into a new journey and can’t go back to those good old days…
Since life is still continuing, I should focus on the present and the future.
Peter is still showing off his new house and his future plan to set up business. Whenever he was boosting in the office, my female-peacock-colleagues would crowd him as if the stars do to the moon. Oh we girls are always attracted by men’s ambitious plans!
However, whenever my boss comes, Peter will zip his lips. Compared to my boss, Peter is nothing but a silly man. And when our successful, handsome, young, single boss comes, we sit in front of the computer, pretending to work hard like a good employee.
If he doesn’t come to our desks, we will still browse the internet and see what happens to our favorite singers. If he comes to my desk, ok, I will quit the chat room as quickly as possible…
How funny it is…
Somehow I used to view things in a bad light, but now I learn to view things in a funny way. And the result is, all things are funny and interesting.
So life is always full of sunshine.
(The End.)
Danger is everywhere while fear is universal and eternal.
It is said that there are nine horrible experiences in one’s life. They are something supernatural or even something related to Fengshui. When I read these nine horrible experiences, I was surprised to find that I had experienced some of them.
For the first time I felt scared when I waked up at midnight and thought of these supernatural phenomenon. Maybe I should live with my friend. Then next day Melanie called me and said that in the next few days she would live with me until she went back GZ.
“Why?” I asked.
“I broken up with him.” Said Melanie. Of course “him” was her manager boyfriend. “And I told him that I had never loved him. I stayed with him just because I need his money and his power.”
“Oh you cruel girl!”
Then I met her manager boyfriend or, to be exactly, her ex-manager boyfriend, in the street next day. I didn’t know what to say. He might feel my embarrassment and comforted me with his sunny smile. “Don’t worry. I am ok. I have known what kind of girl she is at the first day I met her. Actually I don’t feel very sad. After all it is just a game. Too many people play such kinds of game and they don’t feel really sad in deed…”
So I trusted what he said. And we said goodbye. He turned back and walked ahead and I looked at his back. Maybe both of them thought it was just a game and played. It is not a bad thing for both of them.
But, suddenly, “Stop” hadn’t sprung out from my mouth, and then I saw that he stepped into the main road where buses, taxis and cars were rushing like the flood.
He was hit by a taxi… Still lying in the hospital now, but thank goodness he didn’t get too much hurt.
And I guess, when he told me he didn’t feel very sad, his told a lie. At that time, his brain must be thinking of those sad things and his heart must be bleeding so he didn’t notice that he had stepped into a busy road and went near to the danger. Sometimes we need to wear a mask to hide our true faces; for fear that those who have hurt us deeply know that we are hurt. Sometimes we need to pretend to be strong, pretend that nothing can really hurt us, just for fear that we may expose our weakness to those who have hurt our dignity.
We can lose everything, but we can’t lose dignity. In a world where people use and are used, cheat and are cheated, we keep hurting each other. Our dignity may have been ravaged by insults from certain people, but we can always pick it up and go ahead.
And never look back.
Being the fifth most densely-populated city in the world (listed by the US-based Forbes magazine), unhappiness and unhealthiness are the main problems that torture us.
It is said that the dense houses and the terrible traffic jam make people feel unhappy. Yes, it is one of the reasons why people feel unhappy. After all, not many people can endure the terrible traffic. And I just can’t stand the noise that fills in the air everywhere.
However, to be fair, the houses and traffic here are much better than those in GZ. And there are other reasons why people feel unhappy. The working pressure, the limitless desires and the insatiable greed may be the most important reasons.
When I walk in the busy street, I seldom see smiles on people’s faces. They are indifferent and cool, without any expression. Maybe when they are walking, they are still thinking the unfinished jobs, the heavy financial burden and the rare true love in this city.
The working pressure and financial burden drive people to work crazily. We spend the first half of our lives working and earning and then spend the second half treating all kinds of diseases with the money we earned earlier.
Our lifestyle is extremely unhealthy. Sometimes I think my boss will break down one day. As a teacher in a university in HK, a shareholder in our company and the founder of one charity organization, he works too hard. For a young single man like him, it is not a good thing.
Many young men are like my boss, too ambitious, too successful and too “careerist” in this vanity fair. In cities where men all want to climb higher and win back fame and gain, not to advance is to drop back.
And since we sit in the office, face the computer all day long, illness and fat slip into our bodies. Sometimes I wish I was a worker in the restaurant running all day long.
Many people suffer from all kinds of illnesses, including Juliet and her boyfriend. Now Juliet quitted the job in the foreign company and wanted to run a flower shop, in order to take care of her boyfriend better.
“Now I am learning to cook!” Juliet said.
“That’s good! After all, fast food is not good for our health.” I said.
Juliet doesn’t want her boyfriend to eat fast food, so she quitted the job and planned to run a flower shop. It is convenient and free to run her own shop, so she can have more time to cook for her boyfriend. When I saw her cooking in the kitchen, I could feel her happiness.
How happy she is and how funny when I read a blog jeering at Asian women’s desire to take care of those they love! Actually all women are “mothers”, possessing the nature to take care of those they love; and all men are “fathers”, possessing the nature to protect those they cherish. These natures are universal and eternal. It will make us feel warm and cozy inside to take care of those we love and protect those we cherish.
I feel pity for those who look down upon this human nature, because they have never felt this happiness even though they have been living in this world for many years.
Of course, some women take care of their men just because they are downtrodden and submissive. I guess these women will be fewer and fewer in the future as more and more women get better education.
Sometimes we give up our career to take care of those we love, not because we are downtrodden and submissive, but because we are willing to, like Juliet.
Juliet is a successful white collar, but she gives up her career, because she knows, compared to a successful career, the health of her man is much more important.
It will be the most miserable thing for you if you win the whole world but lose the one you cherish.
I think I should learn to cook well. For my stomach and my health.
When we were young, we always made the same mistake even though we knew it clearly. You just couldn’t avoid it.
Melanie kept asking about him. I won’t give my potential prey to my potential opponent so I told a lie: “Now he has the fifth girlfriend. A French girl with blonde hair and green eyes.”
“Oh!!!” said Melanie disappointedly. “He would rather choose a foreign girl!”
“That’s not strange.” I said. “Those foreign girls are as brilliant as the sunshine. They are colourful but our colours are only black and yellow.”
Yes, compared to those western girls, our appearances are not so glittery. After all, golden hair, white skin and blue eyes remind people of the sunshine, the beach and the sea. And men are very visual.
So is he. That’ why he has so many girlfriends but none of them can work. He was always attracted by those beautiful, tall and sexy girls. However, since they had nothing in common, they just couldn’t go on the relationship.
Now he remains single. Maybe he is still thinking why.
And I have been making the same mistake these years. I was attracted by his handsome appearance, and ignored the fact that we have nothing in common and nothing to share. Yes, everybody is different, we can’t find somebody who is exactly the same with ourselves, but at least should have something in common. I knew this truth six years ago when I finished reading the famous novel “Gone with the Wind”, but I still couldn’t avoid making the same mistake like the main character Scarlet in the book.
Scarlet overturns my rooted idea about marriage. According to our cultures and our traditions, we should be loyal to our marriage and we should stick to one eternal marriage. However, Scarlet makes me think that it is ok to get married more than one time.
After all, the eternal marriage is much more like a fairy tale, especially in this so-called “Modern Time”, especially in big cities where power, profits, material and money are stronger than the true feelings. Everybody seeks for true love and eternal marriage, but only a few of them can really get them.
Sometimes I think, if people around me choose to divorce, they will be much happier.
Sometimes I even think, if my parents had divorced many years ago, they would have been much happier. As a daughter, I shouldn’t think like this, but it is real.
I hope Juliet and her boyfriend can have an eternal marriage. I hope the stories of those old grandpas and grandmas who have been staying together since they married can encourage people here. On cs, so many people divorced or separated, so many people have broken hearts and so many people cry alone.
Be born, fall ill, get old, and die --- The end of everybody is the same, but from the time you were born to the time you die, the process is completely different.
Compared to Juliet, Melanie is not so lucky. She lost her job. She still lived with her manager boyfriend; however, she decided to break up with him.
Of course, according to herself, she was luckier than Juliet. “Look at me! I can spend his money buying luxurious things without worry! But can Juliet spend her boyfriend’s money like me? I bet that she must be saving every cent for her boyfriend!”
Yes, she was right. She didn’t consider her manager boyfriend as a lifetime partner, so she could spend as much his money as she could. After all, it was just a game.
However, I am sure Juliet is much happier than her. She has found something real.
For a woman, three things in her life are very important: loved by her parents when she is young, loved by her husband when she grows up, and loved by her children when she is old.
Here I can meet some old grandmothers. They walk in the park with their men, their white hair shining brightly in the sun. From the wrinkles on their faces, I can see the signs of age; from the smiles in their eyes, I can feel their happiness. They stick to each other, then the mountains can collapse, the tsunami can swallow the world, they are not afraid.
But some grandmothers are not so lucky. They live by begging. They crouch in the corner of the busy street, their heads low, their eyes blurred under the blinking lights of the city. They must have parents, but their parents must have been dead for many years. They must have husbands, but their husbands must die or abandon them. And they must have children; however, not all children can remember how much they owe to their old mothers.
Nobody wants to be those poor grandmothers, but sometimes, fate has been written before you were born.
“Juliet told me that you wanted to introduce one of your friends to her as her boyfriend, right?” Suddenly Melanie asked secretly.
I pricked up my ears. Oh Melanie must want to chase her next prey after she broke up with her manager boyfriend!
“Yes.” I attempted a smile and said quickly: “But he is not good. He is a playboy. He has had four girlfriends in the past. And he always thinks it is a game. He won’t be good to you.”
“Oh I like playboy!” Melanie said.
My heart sunk. He is my potential prey and I won’t put my prey on the plate and hold it to my opponent unless I am selfless or stupid. So I said: “And he is poor. He just got a job in GZ. Salary is low. No house. No car. Not much money in his pocket. If you want to play, why not find some Mr. Blue-eyed? They are rich, they are hot and they know how to play!”
“Oh you are not against it?”
“No, I am not. But if my younger sisters do it, I will be absolutely against it!”
Don’t misunderstand my meaning. As I have said, there is no “Right” or “Wrong”. Everybody thinks differently. Everybody’s world view and life view are unique and we can’t say which is right or which is wrong. I am not angry; I don’t feel ashamed any more; because I know, I am not those girls in your eyes. And I always believe you are not those boys.
“Getting old will be a beautiful process if I can get old with you together.” Juliet said, of course, not to me, it is to her ex-boyfriend in chapter 10.
I sat between Juliet and her ex-boyfriend. They kept talking to my ears as if I was the transparent air. Their conversation is:
“Come on. Quit your job. Stay at home. I can give you a comfortable life.” Her ex-boyfriend, or boyfriend, said. “It is cruel to work in foreign company. I don’t want you to work so hard and get old quickly.”
“Don’t be stupid.” said Juliet. “I should work.”
“Don’t always want to be an ‘independent female’, daring.” said her boyfriend.
“I don’t.” Juliet said. “Nobody is independent. We all need each other. I want to work, not because I want to be an ‘independent female’, but because I want to share your heavy burden and experience the same hardship with you. Yeah I know you work hard to earn money, but I don’t want you to work so hard and that will harm your health and make you get old quickly…It is much better to share the same hardship with you than to enjoy the luxurious life you give me. Getting old will be a beautiful process if I can get old with you together…”
Her boyfriend was completely speechless…
2
It is so good to hear this conversation after reading so many blogs, comments and forum on cs…Yes, Juliet’s boyfriend is not Mr. Green Eyes, not Mr. White or Mr. Rich. He is a little fat, not handsome, but he is “down to earth”.
Many members comment on the blog recently. They all seek for true love but it seems that many of them can’t find it. I think internet love does really exist, but it is more like a flower, in the morning, it blooms; in the evening, it withers.
There must be many reasons to it. For some of them, cultures, values, morals, attitudes and world views, life views are totally different. Pride and prejudice are one of the reasons too… One member said that many westerners won’t stay in a monogamous relation with only one woman and it gets boring to face the same woman throughout their life while there are dozens of hot women around them…Yes, I agree. Sometimes I think that it is boring to face the same person all my life.
However, from my perspective, an eternal marriage is much better than to divorce, and get married, and then divorce again all the time.
After all, life is not only sugar, flowers, chocolates, candles, promises, make-up, beautiful clothes and sweet words. Life is to cook, to wash clothes, to tidy the house and to clean the toilet. In the real world, we need to tolerate each other, to give strength to each other when we are down, and to face their true faces even though their true faces are not so perfect…
3
Life is so “down to earth”, I wonder if those young boys can really understand it. I am surprised that so many young boys here are so… They are so young, 17 or 18. They don’t go to school. They don’t go to find a job. What they do is not to enrich themselves, but to keep asking where their soulmates are. I wonder if they really know what “soulmate” means. How can girls respect those who only think about love but do nothing all days?
Boys around me, when they were at the age of 18, studied hard at school, worked hard in the society. They did think of girls and love, but the more important thing was to enrich themselves…If they were lucky, they would meet their soulmates when enriching themselves.
For me, at the age of 18… on one hand, I worked hard at my study; on the other hand, I enjoyed the feelings while being with the boy I cared at that time…It is the most beautiful time in my life.
However, I didn’t mean that the feelings after this are not beautiful. On cs, somebody’s deep thinking shines through his writing. But I guess I look like a cheap prostitute with low self-esteem in his eyes. Damn!!!
Bachelor's degree is nothing but a piece of paper in this city. So don’t boost your educational background or which university you graduated from.
That’s because companies only employ those who can bring the real benefits to them.
And some who graduated from famous universities are really fools when coming to work. Some critics attribute it to the drawbacks of the whole educational systems; however, I would say that how much you have paid at your campus, then how much you can gain in the society.
It is difficult to enter a good university, but it is not difficult to graduate from universities with bachelor’s degree. So many students are lazy at the campus, but they can still graduate with those who work hard. It may seem unfair, but it is fair. When they work in the society, those who were lazy at the campus will find that they can’t deal with the work; while those who work hard at the campus will find it easy to work in a complicated and fierce environment.
That’ why Melanie was fired by the famous state-owned financial company. She didn’t pay when she was in the campus. With her father’s help she could work in a decent company. At that time I was jealous of this, after all I paid so much but the company I work for is not as good as hers. But… she was fired because she couldn’t do the job well. That only demonstrates one thing: How much you pay then how much you gain.
Compared to the end of 2008, it is much easier to find a job at the end of 2009. Many classmates quitted their jobs to look for better ones. I think I should quit this job too if that UK editor still keeps giving meaningless suggestions to the teaching Chinese program I am working for. He doesn’t know anything about Chinese and teaching Chinese but he keeps giving suggestions which can not be put into practice.
However… I am lazy now. If I find another job, I need to adapt to the new environment, the new pressure, the new tasks and the new colleagues. That will make me tired. I have been working hard all these years…so tired…now I prefer to be a slob… And do things I want to do…
Be loyal to your country, your people, your brothers and your lovers; defend them when they are offended; uphold the justice, help the weak, protect the poor; fight with the power and the rotten --- Those are eternal spirits between the lines of Louis Cha’s words & writing.
These days martial arts novels are not so popular, however, compared to other novels, they still possess something that can really move your heart.
When coming to martial arts novels, we always think of martial arts (or Chinese Gongfu). Yes, Gongfu is very important in martial arts novels. You can’t call a novel martial arts novel if there isn’t any description about Gongfu. However, we always miss the more important point. It is this point that makes martial arts novels evergreen.
In Chinese we call martial arts novels “Wu Xia novels”. “Wu” means martial arts while “Xia” means those eternal spirits. “martial arts novels” is not a perfect translation to “Wu Xia novels”, as it misses that more important point, just as many audiences and readers miss it…
Characters created by Louis Cha are not perfect heroes. They master the quintessence of certain Gongfu; they have all kinds of flaws; however, they have something in common, which is: be loyal to their country, their people, their brothers and their lovers; defend what they love; uphold the justice, help the weak, protect the poor; fight with the power and the rotten…
Back to reality…
Juliet was robbed by a robber when she walked to her office. Then a Hero appeared. That Hero fought with the robber and got Juliet’s things back. Juliet was so touched that she nearly cried when the Hero said it was nothing…
Then they became friends…then boyfriend and girlfriend…just like novel or movie.
However, only time can tell whether a person is a cruel wolf or a kind sheep. Later, that Hero beat Juliet. Juliet couldn’t believe it. Me either. I don’t know why a hero would turn into a wolf.
Juliet’s ex-boyfriend came. He always appeared when Juliet needed support. Juliet broke up with him because he didn’t want Juliet to work so hard and insisted that she should quit the job to stay at home, to enjoy, to relax, to be a vase. However, Juliet wanted to be an “independent female” so finally she left him…
Now things seemed to be a little ridiculous. The Hero was actually a wolf wearing a mask of sheep. The ex-boyfriend came to protect her when she needed. She was “independent” enough. Her ex-boyfriend begged her to be his girlfriend again. Juliet frowned to me and asked me what to do.
Funny. I said: “Be his girlfriend. He is good to you.”
“But how can I do that? If I promise to be his girlfriend again after this horrible thing, that can only demonstrate one thing, that is, I am weak and I need his protection. Oh then I will lose my self-esteem!”
“Don’t be silly.” I said. “You Are weak. You need him. If he is really good to you, it is ok to lose self-esteem.”
Then Juliet became the girlfriend of her ex-boyfriend. A happy ending.
Maybe only after we have experienced something can we distinguish true from false, good from bad and real heroes from wolves wearing the mask of sheep…
Bars, hotels, shopping malls, dancing halls, skating rinks, bowling alleys…All kinds of these playgrounds form the beautiful landscapes of this city…When the colourful lights are blinking, something is degenerating.
Weekend is a time when businessmen gain and consumers pay. Juliet nearly spent half of her salary buying all kinds of luxurious things in this weekend. Of course her heart was bleeding while she paid…She has to buy those luxurious things because, if she didn’t wear a make-up, if she didn’t wear those expensive clothes and shoes, her colleagues would gossip about her and looked down upon her…Everybody judges others by their appearance and clothes.
As a result, she has to spend most of her time on her face. There are seven steps to were a make-up and clean it…Seven steps!!! I may kill myself if I have to repeat these steps every day…
Compared to Juliet, Melanie is more “fortunate” because her manager boyfriend paid for her luxurious things…She always boosts how generous her manager boyfriend is, however, I want to give her a slap in the face.
There is a strange phenomena that those poor will dress up like brilliant peacocks…Some of the rich will dress up like peacocks too, but some of them are really simple or…frugal.
My boss is frugal even though he is so rich…I appreciate it even though sometimes he is not so generous towards his employees.
Some of my colleagues do look like glorious peacocks while walking in the office. Their salaries are low, their pockets are empty, their hometowns are in those remote poor areas, but they become modern ladies after they came here…Too modern…I guess they are afraid people will laugh at them or look down upon them if they look like village girls or farmers’ daughters.
I am a crow among those peacocks I guess. I am a crow among those peacocks but my feathers are clean and clear.
I still stick to the grandma’s virtue to save money rather spending them on luxurious things…
And I prefer to stay in my crow's nest rather than going shopping, read some novels rather than going to bars or dancing halls. The world created by Louis Cha is much purer than the world I live. In his world and in this real world, those traditional spirits --- be honest to your country, your people, your brothers and your lovers; defend them when they are being offended, help the weak, protect the poor, fight with the strong and the rotten --- will never fade.
To hire or not to hire? In companies, interviewers usually make their decisions by judging the past achievement of an interviewee.
Hence, certificates or something that can demonstrate your capability is very important. Hence, people take all kinds of exams to get a piece of paper that can be called certificates.
Managers, bosses, interviewers’ eyes will kindle with excitement if somebody carries a pile of certificates to their companies. However, they will be disappointed when that somebody really takes the job: certificates can’t demonstrate anything when coming to the real work, the real job.
My boss once hired a girl as an English editor. That girl had many certificates to demonstrate she could do the job well. But finally she was fired because, yes, her English was quite good but she couldn’t do her job well.
Most interviewers only focus on the certificates or something like that which can only demonstrate a person’s ability in the past, not at present or in the future…
I got this job easily in the financial tsunami in 2008, not because I had lots of certificates, but because I had other things that could demonstrate my ability. However, those “other things” belongs to the past, that “ability” belongs to the past too…Others might do the job better than me, but they were not hired just because they didn’t have those things to demonstrate.
For those who are capable but can’t be hired just because they don’t have anything to demonstrate themselves, it is unfair. However, city is another type of forest, Darwinian evolutionism still works here.
It is not a bad thing to achieve something in the past, but what about if your past is not so glorious?
If your past is not so good…That will be a terrible thing here, at least not many companies will hire those who have some stains in their past even though they have started their life with a clean slate.
However, I will never judge a person on the basis of his / her past. I met a friend here. He was just out of prison. I guess prison has cast a shadow over his life. He was afraid that I would never talk to him any more after knowing it, but I won’t…I thank him for his honesty…No deceit, only honesty.
Juliet has broken up with her rich boyfriend for a long time. I wanted to introduce my good friend to her…but when Juliet knew that my good friend has had four girlfriends in the past, she shook her head…because of his past…not many girls will feel secure if their boyfriends are playboys…
I feel sorry for him…He has grown up and he is no longer the womanizing bastard he used to be. Having experienced so much, he has learnt something…But his past will be a heavy burden for his next girlfriend…
But that’s fine at least he is still single…I always stumble over against this kinds of womanizing bastards. Maybe for me only those I can’t conquer can have an eternal charm…
It is not easy to find real friends in this city, so the old friends become more and more important.
People here come from every corner of the country. Even though we are yellow people with black hair and black eyes, we speak different dialects, we have different traditions, our ancestors were buried in different mountains, our memories are totally different, and our past is unknown to each others. People come and go like water and wind. Today you work with him or her in the same company, tomorrow he or she may leave and work in another company and never contact…Together we laugh, we talk, we work, but not all of us can be friends.
And those old friends, like the cobbles under the river, may disappear when the river water is abundant, but no matter how fast the water flow, they remain there, quiet, secret, patient and constant, ready to help, to listen, and to give strength.
These days I feel unhappy…
I called him. I haven’t called him for a long time. From the day I left GZ, I have decided to forget him. However, the distance between city and city couldn’t create barriers if I decided to call him.
He was always there, as he had said, I am his good friend for ever. Yes, he is my good friend for ever. Somebody helps me end the eight-year love towards him. When I told him I felt sad, I suddenly realized that I considered him as my good friend. Just friend, good friend, but that may be the best and perfect result…
The same happens to him and his girlfriends. He has had four girlfriends, but he and his girlfriends become friends at last. It is not easy to build friendship between lovers, but he succeeds. And now I succeed. He considers me as his good friend, and I can consider him as my good friend finally. Friendship can last for a life time; no matter how things change, he will be my friend for ever, no “betray”, no “abandon” and no “cheat”.
That’s because we have experienced the same experiences, felt the same feelings, memorized the same memories: We were together, as classmates, as friends, and gave strength to each other, in the crucial time of our life.
After him I have met many people…some of them from other provinces, some of them from other countries, other races, or even members on CS…It is exciting to meet new friends from far places, but the barriers are so…
There are always misunderstandings due to many reasons. I am not against race-mixing. What I want to say is that, race-mixing is a balance: at one end is misunderstandings, doubts, cheat and lies; at the other end is trust, sincerity, true feelings and deep emotions. If one end is heavy, the other end will be light.
Unless you have enough courage to eliminate these barriers…Unless your trust, your sincerity, your true feelings and your deep emotions are strong enough…
In a time when people always brag how many boyfriends or girlfriends they have had, I still think that being constant in love are virtues that can’t be buried over times.
When I lived in WX Garden several months ago, I could always feel the harmony of families. Those families living in WX Garden are usually formed by three generations. When the old walked in the garden, the young ran between trees, and the adults went to work and went back home, I always thought of my own family. For the past four years, I have left my home and wandered between this city and that city like duckweed, and the harmony of families always strikes my heart when I walk alone in the crowd.
Respect the old, care the young, be constant in your partner. I don’t think this moral will be out-of-date even though multi-cultures dominate everywhere.
But now I remove into another apartment. Here I seldom see the old and the young. Here there are a few families. Most of them are young people who leave their home to seek for a new life in another city, who can’t afford their own houses so rent. Like me.
So things change. Here I can’t feel the harmony of families. I can only feel insecure when so many strangers take the same lift with me, live in the next room but I don’t know who they are.
I miss WX Garden very much, especially those old people. I envy them when those granddads and grandmas walk together in the sun, not because I am single, but because they live in their times when people were usually constant in their partners.
I guess I live in their times too. I hope I can have only one boyfriend, even though girls around me always brag how many boyfriends they have had.
Should I feel ashamed for the fact that I have never had a boyfriend at the age 23? I know many girls will feel ashamed for it so they will find some boyfriends even though they don’t love them. But I don’t. I have never had a boyfriend, not because I can’t find one, but because I can’t go into a relationship when I am still thinking of someone else. It is a cheat. I don’t want to cheat others, or myself.
I didn’t cheat him. I told him why I am single. Yes I am single but I seldom feel lonely, not because I have many friends or boys who will be possible to be my boyfriends, but because I can always find things to do and enjoy it.
And I don’t think he cheated me. People here always say that they have a nice chat with an internet member and they have talked for a long time but suddenly one of them disappear or keep silent. Then they claim that it is a cheat, a game, a liar…Yes, things are unreal here. Many people wear masks and hide their real faces. Nobody can see others clearly…but I still don’t believe that he is one of them.
Maybe cultural difference, attitudes towards life, love and friendship, the society we live in and the families we grow up in can explain why. There is no “Right” or “Wrong”. There is only “Fact” and “Opinion”.
Janmei Blog (91)