Vanity Fair and City I (6)

In a time when people always brag how many boyfriends or girlfriends they have had, I still think that being constant in love are virtues that can’t be buried over times.

When I lived in WX Garden several months ago, I could always feel the harmony of families. Those families living in WX Garden are usually formed by three generations. When the old walked in the garden, the young ran between trees, and the adults went to work and went back home, I always thought of my own family. For the past four years, I have left my home and wandered between this city and that city like duckweed, and the harmony of families always strikes my heart when I walk alone in the crowd.

Respect the old, care the young, be constant in your partner. I don’t think this moral will be out-of-date even though multi-cultures dominate everywhere.

But now I remove into another apartment. Here I seldom see the old and the young. Here there are a few families. Most of them are young people who leave their home to seek for a new life in another city, who can’t afford their own houses so rent. Like me.

So things change. Here I can’t feel the harmony of families. I can only feel insecure when so many strangers take the same lift with me, live in the next room but I don’t know who they are.

I miss WX Garden very much, especially those old people. I envy them when those granddads and grandmas walk together in the sun, not because I am single, but because they live in their times when people were usually constant in their partners.

I guess I live in their times too. I hope I can have only one boyfriend, even though girls around me always brag how many boyfriends they have had.

Should I feel ashamed for the fact that I have never had a boyfriend at the age 23? I know many girls will feel ashamed for it so they will find some boyfriends even though they don’t love them. But I don’t. I have never had a boyfriend, not because I can’t find one, but because I can’t go into a relationship when I am still thinking of someone else. It is a cheat. I don’t want to cheat others, or myself.

I didn’t cheat him. I told him why I am single. Yes I am single but I seldom feel lonely, not because I have many friends or boys who will be possible to be my boyfriends, but because I can always find things to do and enjoy it.

And I don’t think he cheated me. People here always say that they have a nice chat with an internet member and they have talked for a long time but suddenly one of them disappear or keep silent. Then they claim that it is a cheat, a game, a liar…Yes, things are unreal here. Many people wear masks and hide their real faces. Nobody can see others clearly…but I still don’t believe that he is one of them.

Maybe cultural difference, attitudes towards life, love and friendship, the society we live in and the families we grow up in can explain why. There is no “Right” or “Wrong”. There is only “Fact” and “Opinion”.