Life Changes

My life has been changing drastically over the last week. Coming to terms with my low self esteem and my social anxiety and dermatillomania. And I had kind of seem myself as walking down a hallway with doors I can`t open. Instead of putting obstacles up in front of myself, I intend to knock those self made obstacles down.

But I disgress. Here`s a story in a nuttshell.
When I was 20 I met someone who meant a lot to me. We were together a year a half, engaged. It was the perfect relationship minus his fighting his inner demons and not being strong enough at that time to win. So things suffered, and we broke apart, however I still cared heavily for him and loved him. Fast forward 6 years. He`s won the battle over the demons, and admits himself that he still loves me as well. Giving me something to think about really. Did I ever love the men I dated after him? Only one. And this is a guy who says he`s changed, but I know for a fact he`s still out there hurting people. I let him win. I let myself be dependent on him who stole my business plan and after 7 months still has excuses not to return it. Well, that`s ok. I`m done with him. I`m not going to fight it anymore. I`ll rebuild my business plan since my business "plan" itself, has changed anyway.
So...anyways. Back to the 1st man I ever loved. He wants to meet up but has legal issues thanks to a roommate after he thought life was finally making sense. But...instead of making things difficult, I`m being there for him every way I can. Knocking those doors down, I`ll be getting glasses again this month and heavily pursuing my drivers license so I can visit him. Yes. I still love him. Even if I fought that, I`d loose. It`s impossible. Don`t fight the heart, you always loose. So, the next step after this drivers license thing is to get a car.

I`m going to do this in style, to prove to the world, "Here the hell I am, take me as I am or shove it up your clogged tail pipe."
I`m getting me a classic. 72 or 73 Mustang convertible, then give it a custom paint job, pimp it up, and take a road trip to who knows where. Let the wind blow through my hair, laugh like it`s a new years every day...yeah...I can smell the open road...can`t you?