Another Day Alone

Well, its saturday. i dont know what to do with myself today. my car died, my dog died, and my other dog is in the process of dieing. i lost the best thing i ever had in my life, and right now he is in saskatchewan with a girl that is clearly better then i am if he can love her so much after such a short time. i feel like im always going to be alone. if there was one person out there that could have made life worth it for me, it was him. the sad part is, i dont even feel like crying anymore. im so exhausted from the pain in my heart that no sleep, no food, nothing matters anymore. i just want to get this life other with. no, im not suicidal in any way shape or form. im not that selfish. im just lonely. more lonely then anyone can imagine. i feel like im covered in a dark cloud, even though the sun is shining, its not shining for me. i just wish that i could find someone who could take away this pain. ive got such a big hole in my heart, and i just wish i could find someone to fill it. i try to be strong, i wouldnt take him back after what he did, i could never forget it, but its hard to be strong when i feel like noone cares. when someone says i love you, its not just words its a promise. how can i go through my life knowing that we had that love, and now he has it with someone else. how can i believe in love anymore when the person that i was willing to spend the rest of my life with is now off trying to spend it with someone else. i just dont know anymore. its not much to even think about. obviously the only person i can depend on in my life is myself.