Still Alone

I dont know what im doing wrong anymore. it seems like everyday i get sadder adn my ex gets happier. hes so excited to drive to saskatchewan and meet this girl, why cant he see that im right in front of him? ive always been the invisible one, not beautiful or skinny or smart enough. who would have known that being yourself doesnt always work!?! i love this guy, and i know im stupid for it, but i cant help myself. i pray for him every night before i go to bed, hopeing that God will bring us together again. is it even possible? ive been told to move on, but what if i move on and he comes back to me, then i would have to choose. or what if i wait for him and he never comes back? then i would be alone no matter what. its so hard loving someone that doesnt love you back. he told me before that theyre not serious, that hes going all the way to saskatchewan to meet her and then deciding what he wants to do. should i hope for the best for him and swallow my pride and my heart, or should i hope its a total disaster and feel bad for wishing the worst? i honestly dont know what to think. i would feel stupid either way. i thought we had a bond, when we were alone we could talk about anything. we had nicknames that didnt make any sense, and we had inside jokes that noone would ever understand. i miss that. i miss having a safe place to go when i felt down, and a shoulder to cry on when someone hurt me. my favorite memory of us was when i went to get money from a creep that owed me at 12 at night, and he ended up trying to do things to me so i kicked him out of my car. crying, i called my ex thinking i could just hear his voicemail and feel better, but he picked up and insisted i go over there right away. i drove there and didnt even close my car door, i ran over to him and stood in his arms for half an hour crying my eyes out. why is that my favorite memory, because he showed he cared. he had to work so early yet he still came outside in the middle of the night cuz i was hurting. ill never get that kind of love from anyone else, and i hope that god will answer my prayers so that i can count on him again.