Hope for the Best

Somedays i wonder what i did to be so unhappy. Noone seems to understand how alone a person can feel, even surrounded by a ton of people. Until someone sees you for who you truly are, not for what you look like on the outside, then you will always feel alone. I know, im the chubby girl in the group. All through highschool i was bullied and made to feel like I'm not good enough. Some days i wondered how i could even show my face without being made fun of. I met a guy last year. He saw me for who i was and he loved me. He made me feel beautiful for the first time in a long time and i was happy. Now he's gone. just another person that made me feel on top of the world, then threw me away like i was nothing. He told me that he just stopped loving me, that he didnt feel the way he did before and that he was moving on. At first he said we could be friends, but then he just abandoned me. I loved him. I truly loved him. Yes i know im young and theres plenty of fish in the sea, but when you have been through what i have, you start to doubt that things will ever get better because the only time they do it never lasts. When i met him, i felt like a princess. He told me in the beginning that i would end up hating him, and he was wrong. I could never hate him, i never will either. If he saw this i know exactly what he would say, he cant force himself to feel the same way. He would say that im a great person, that im sweet and kind and that i deserve the world. He says it every time, the same thing over and over again. i know i screwed up. I tried so hard to hold onto him that he got scared, i tried so hard to convince myself that it would last forever that it didnt. i tried so hard to be in love, and i failed. Yeah i still love him, and i probably always will, But i can say that ive moved on. A good friend once told me that if you love someone, let them go, and if they come back to you then you know their yours forever. Maybe one day he will come back to me, maybe we will get married and sit on the porch like we used to, just being in eachothers arms and loving life. Until then, Im going to be glad for what we had, Im going to be happy for him no matter where his life takes him, and Im going to look forward to having that in the future. No, it will never be the same, but if a fat girl like me can find love with an amazing guy like him once then who knows, maybe next time the guy will be even more amazing, will love me even more, and maybe for a second time in my life i will be happy.