beaten with a belt....cut like a knife with words (50)
NAKEDMUDPEOPLEunknown, Wisconsin USA27 Threads 7,370 PostsIt ends up, you do have a choice. I have chosen to love and not hate. My life is better for it.
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Lagoona22: That's brilliant!!...I like that..."break the chain"...
In high school, my counselor told me that it's a chain...and taking that piece of information home, I finally got mom to talk about her mother and discovered that yep, she'd been abused as a kid too. It's a chain, and it only takes one link to break it. I made sure that I was that link. So has my sister. Our children will not grow up with the rage that leads to abusing children.
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That's it.....one link has to go missing.... 
druidess6308: In high school, my counselor told me that it's a chain...and taking that piece of information home, I finally got mom to talk about her mother and discovered that yep, she'd been abused as a kid too.
It's a chain, and it only takes one link to break it. I made sure that I was that link. So has my sister. Our children will not grow up with the rage that leads to abusing children.
It's a chain, and it only takes one link to break it. I made sure that I was that link. So has my sister. Our children will not grow up with the rage that leads to abusing children.
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Lagoona22: I don't know how you can love a parent who has beaten you, and abused you...I wouldn't.
She's still my mom. I focus on the positive...she taught me strength, and has also always encouraged me to do my best. I accepted the fact that she's not perfect, but human...and that she did the best she knew in raising us.
For years it was hard to buy cards for her because they were all too mushy, but I've learned how to find the ones that say positive things without getting too mushy. To this day, she still has never said, "I love you," and yet I know she does. I still say it to her occasionally...not too often, since I respect the fact that it makes her uncomfortable, but once in a while just so that I know it's been said. And I do love her. I just accept her for who she is. None of us are perfect.
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Snuggs09: I didn't forgive him and never spoke to him about it. Although years I would look at him and wonder how could he do that to the little girl he called his "tail light". That came from always being by his side wherever he went.
My mother had died and when he had triple bypass surgery I was the one who helped him get well. Twelve years later when he had COPD I was the one again who helped him for the next five years until he died at the age of 96 in 2001.
I couldn't let him down when he needed help. The day he died the nursing home called me and said he had gone. I went there and took him in my arms and cried overwhelming tears and said "daddy". And I still cry when I think of that moment.
My mother had died and when he had triple bypass surgery I was the one who helped him get well. Twelve years later when he had COPD I was the one again who helped him for the next five years until he died at the age of 96 in 2001.
I couldn't let him down when he needed help. The day he died the nursing home called me and said he had gone. I went there and took him in my arms and cried overwhelming tears and said "daddy". And I still cry when I think of that moment.
Then you have forgiven him. Being angry about it and not forgetting what were done don't mean you haven't forgiven him. If you could care for him like that in the end, and could have a moment like that at the end, then you've forgiven.
My cousins have never forgiven their father (my mother's brother, yes...it runs in families). They did not go to see him in the hospital when he was dying of cancer, and didn't stay long at his wake...just long enough to get to greet those of us they wanted to see, and then they took off and left their wives and children there. That is lack of forgiveness.
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This happened when I was about 12 years old....
I lived in a black neighborhood. We were the only white family. Back in those days there was discrimination as there still is today. My father was a bigot and used the "N" word all the time. He still used it to the day he died which was 2001. I would say "daddy, don't say that" but he did what he wanted to do. He was a very self-centered man and thought no one was better than him. He talked very loudly and I was afraid someone would hear what he said.
Even thought he was a bigot, I wasn't and was friends with the children. We walked to school together played hopscotch or jacks or tag with my neighbors.
There was a man across the street from our house that talked to me all the time. He was harmless but my father being the person that he was thought that I was flirting with this man. One day I was sitting on the man's doorstep and my father saw me. When I went home, my father beat me to a pulp with a belt. He beat me so hard that I had to hang onto the dresser for dear life. His words were heartbreaking what he said to me.
That was the second time that my father beat me. He did it once before when I was 8 years old, in the same way, with a belt in front of other family members.
No matter how old you are, you never forget.
Have you ever been the victim of your parents anger?[/quote
Yup!
I lived in a black neighborhood. We were the only white family. Back in those days there was discrimination as there still is today. My father was a bigot and used the "N" word all the time. He still used it to the day he died which was 2001. I would say "daddy, don't say that" but he did what he wanted to do. He was a very self-centered man and thought no one was better than him. He talked very loudly and I was afraid someone would hear what he said.
Even thought he was a bigot, I wasn't and was friends with the children. We walked to school together played hopscotch or jacks or tag with my neighbors.
There was a man across the street from our house that talked to me all the time. He was harmless but my father being the person that he was thought that I was flirting with this man. One day I was sitting on the man's doorstep and my father saw me. When I went home, my father beat me to a pulp with a belt. He beat me so hard that I had to hang onto the dresser for dear life. His words were heartbreaking what he said to me.
That was the second time that my father beat me. He did it once before when I was 8 years old, in the same way, with a belt in front of other family members.
No matter how old you are, you never forget.
Have you ever been the victim of your parents anger?[/quote
Yup!
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Polarbutterfly: "I've come to learn that the cycle never stops
but,have also learned how to control the anger
of being an abused child.Sometimes I catch myself
getting angry at my children for no particular
reason and,that scares me.I never want this to happen
to my children.Life and the experiences of it makes
you take the wiser choice and,the choice of a better life
....for them."
but,have also learned how to control the anger
of being an abused child.Sometimes I catch myself
getting angry at my children for no particular
reason and,that scares me.I never want this to happen
to my children.Life and the experiences of it makes
you take the wiser choice and,the choice of a better life
....for them."
That, dear PolarB, is why I spent 15 years of my life learning to control my anger before having children...and starting while I was still in the situation. I was 15 when I started anger management work on my own and going to a counselor at school without my parents' knowledge. My mother had a hiss when I suggested family counseling and tried to help all of us...and my father never knew since she never did it when he was home, so he chose not to believe us. My intervention helped my younger sister, too.
Prior to 15, I had fits of rage so bad I literally could only see red. When I'd come out of it, my room would look like a tornado hit it, and once my best friend of the time witnessed it. She said she stepped out of the room and watched because she realized I couldn't see anything...my eyes had changed. That was the incident that made me seek counseling. To scare my best friend, and get feedback of how I appeared when I was like that, really woke me up.
I was almost 30 when my older son was born...and I've smacked his diapered butt once. I've also smacked my younger son once...and I do mean, one smack, as well as the only time in their lives. I made sure it wasn't done in the heat of anger...I took a deep breath first. And that's all I need to do...one deep breath will calm me immediately now.
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This happened when I was about 12 years old....
I lived in a black neighborhood. We were the only white family. Back in those days there was discrimination as there still is today. My father was a bigot and used the "N" word all the time. He still used it to the day he died which was 2001. I would say "daddy, don't say that" but he did what he wanted to do. He was a very self-centered man and thought no one was better than him. He talked very loudly and I was afraid someone would hear what he said.
Even thought he was a bigot, I wasn't and was friends with the children. We walked to school together played hopscotch or jacks or tag with my neighbors.
There was a man across the street from our house that talked to me all the time. He was harmless but my father being the person that he was thought that I was flirting with this man. One day I was sitting on the man's doorstep and my father saw me. When I went home, my father beat me to a pulp with a belt. He beat me so hard that I had to hang onto the dresser for dear life. His words were heartbreaking what he said to me.
That was the second time that my father beat me. He did it once before when I was 8 years old, in the same way, with a belt in front of other family members.
No matter how old you are, you never forget.
Have you ever been the victim of your parents anger?
Nope but I was mistreated by my father but only in a totally different way.
I lived in a black neighborhood. We were the only white family. Back in those days there was discrimination as there still is today. My father was a bigot and used the "N" word all the time. He still used it to the day he died which was 2001. I would say "daddy, don't say that" but he did what he wanted to do. He was a very self-centered man and thought no one was better than him. He talked very loudly and I was afraid someone would hear what he said.
Even thought he was a bigot, I wasn't and was friends with the children. We walked to school together played hopscotch or jacks or tag with my neighbors.
There was a man across the street from our house that talked to me all the time. He was harmless but my father being the person that he was thought that I was flirting with this man. One day I was sitting on the man's doorstep and my father saw me. When I went home, my father beat me to a pulp with a belt. He beat me so hard that I had to hang onto the dresser for dear life. His words were heartbreaking what he said to me.
That was the second time that my father beat me. He did it once before when I was 8 years old, in the same way, with a belt in front of other family members.
No matter how old you are, you never forget.
Have you ever been the victim of your parents anger?
Nope but I was mistreated by my father but only in a totally different way.
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And yes, one thing I didn't address was the part about words that cut like a knife.
The same mother who encouraged me to be the best that I could be at things, and would tell me how smart I was, would also tell me that I was useless and couldn't do anything right.
You see the confident and strong woman who has come out of all of this, but as a child I was shy, quiet, and had little self esteem. I was 11 the first time I ever thought of committing suicide.
I can still lack confidence in facing new situations...but I reach deeper to find the confidence to do so. That insecure little girl still has a small place within me...and it gets smaller all of the time. Some day, maybe she'll go completely away.
The same mother who encouraged me to be the best that I could be at things, and would tell me how smart I was, would also tell me that I was useless and couldn't do anything right.
You see the confident and strong woman who has come out of all of this, but as a child I was shy, quiet, and had little self esteem. I was 11 the first time I ever thought of committing suicide.
I can still lack confidence in facing new situations...but I reach deeper to find the confidence to do so. That insecure little girl still has a small place within me...and it gets smaller all of the time. Some day, maybe she'll go completely away.
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morgan5: I was terrified of my father,my Mum was quiet and never stood up to him, he was a bully. Although we don't speak now i still love him, but admit even at my age now i'm still scared of him. How sad am i
Morgan, you're not a sad case. When I became an adult my father no longer scared me with a belt....but he did scare me and hurt me with words such as "I'm sorry I ever adopted you". And yet I still took care of him.
I don't give up on people unless they hurt my daughter.
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morgan5: I was terrified of my father,my Mum was quiet and never stood up to him, he was a bully. Although we don't speak now i still love him, but admit even at my age now i'm still scared of him. How sad am i
Not sad, Morgan.
You're a lovely woman, with a quiet strength. It's okay if those memories still make you quake a bit. ------ This thread is Archived ------
Snuggs09: Morgan, you're not a sad case. When I became an adult my father no longer scared me with a belt....but he did scare me and hurt me with words such as "I'm sorry I ever adopted you". And yet I still took care of him.
I don't give up on people unless they hurt my daughter.
hurtful words can stay with you for a long time.I don't give up on people unless they hurt my daughter.
I actually stood up to him about 2 yrs ago for the first time, and he backed down immediately, i was shocked. But the fear he instilled in me as a child is still with me.
I went to boarding school, think i was the only child in the school that hated the holidays and wanted to stay at school!!
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morgan5: hurtful words can stay with you for a long time.
I actually stood up to him about 2 yrs ago for the first time, and he backed down immediately, i was shocked. But the fear he instilled in me as a child is still with me.
I went to boarding school, think i was the only child in the school that hated the holidays and wanted to stay at school!!
I actually stood up to him about 2 yrs ago for the first time, and he backed down immediately, i was shocked. But the fear he instilled in me as a child is still with me.
I went to boarding school, think i was the only child in the school that hated the holidays and wanted to stay at school!!
Ah yes, Morgan...words can hurt much worse than a fist or any other implement. Bruises heal quickly, but the scars left inside by words can last a lifetime. I still have some of those.
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druidess6308: Ah yes, Morgan...words can hurt much worse than a fist or any other implement. Bruises heal quickly, but the scars left inside by words can last a lifetime. I still have some of those.
I can still hear my father saying he was sorry he adopted me. His sister abandoned me when I was 10 days old and now he was doing the same thing and he said this was I was in my 30's.
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I am very sorry to hear that this happened to you.
My father was the greatest man in the world. He was kind, gentle, wise and a great provider for the 10 of us kids and my mother. He never raised his hand in anger to me, nor most of my siblings. He did, for some reason have issue with my youngest brother. I know the beatings that boy took from my dad haunted my father till the day he died. He knew he was wrong and tried very hard to make amends. My brother wouldn't hear it.
My mother, only once beat me with such force and anger. For something my older brother did. He had laid a garden rake, tines up in some leaves after raking. The neighbor girl came along and stepped on it. The handle came up and slip her head open. 6 stitches. My brother said I had done it and my mother took dad's belt to me. The more she whipped the more I begged her to stop and told her I hadn't done it. The more I denied it the more and harder she whipped. When she was done I had bloody welts from mid back to mid thigh. I am so happy it was summer because there would have been no way to sit in school or on the bus. I was 9 years old.
I remember crying myself to sleep many many nights for years to follow wondering why my mother hated me so. It did feel like she hated me on that day. Now she and I are best friends and have spoken of that time. She said she was in a panic and looking back was shocked at her actions. Then my brother stepped forward and admitted his part.
Sorry for the book but this was the worst I ever received from my parents.
My father was the greatest man in the world. He was kind, gentle, wise and a great provider for the 10 of us kids and my mother. He never raised his hand in anger to me, nor most of my siblings. He did, for some reason have issue with my youngest brother. I know the beatings that boy took from my dad haunted my father till the day he died. He knew he was wrong and tried very hard to make amends. My brother wouldn't hear it.
My mother, only once beat me with such force and anger. For something my older brother did. He had laid a garden rake, tines up in some leaves after raking. The neighbor girl came along and stepped on it. The handle came up and slip her head open. 6 stitches. My brother said I had done it and my mother took dad's belt to me. The more she whipped the more I begged her to stop and told her I hadn't done it. The more I denied it the more and harder she whipped. When she was done I had bloody welts from mid back to mid thigh. I am so happy it was summer because there would have been no way to sit in school or on the bus. I was 9 years old.
I remember crying myself to sleep many many nights for years to follow wondering why my mother hated me so. It did feel like she hated me on that day. Now she and I are best friends and have spoken of that time. She said she was in a panic and looking back was shocked at her actions. Then my brother stepped forward and admitted his part.
Sorry for the book but this was the worst I ever received from my parents.
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Snuggs09: I can still hear my father saying he was sorry he adopted me. His sister abandoned me when I was 10 days old and now he was doing the same thing and he said this was I was in my 30's.
I can still hear my mother telling me I'm fat, or that I can't do things right. I've learned to quiet that voice when I hear it, and ignore it. No, it's not easy, Snuggs. I know...there are many hurtful words that have been said to me by people, and I still remember them, and hear them occasionally.
And yes, she told me I was fat when I looked good enough to wear a bikini, and she didn't.
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My folks never had fights...they had wars. If they came to a stalemate with each other, they would turn on the next person in the house who was there.
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druidess6308: Ah yes, Morgan...words can hurt much worse than a fist or any other implement. Bruises heal quickly, but the scars left inside by words can last a lifetime. I still have some of those.
for years I used the handle..Shipoker, because it was a word used to demean and belittle me, by my father. I used it to remind me never to get soft and think about forgiving him. But CSers convinced me to drop the name and move on.
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I won't get into what I went through!
There comes a time in Life,you just have to let go and move on,for your OWN Sake,or the past will surely destroy you! 
There comes a time in Life,you just have to let go and move on,for your OWN Sake,or the past will surely destroy you!
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pretzelman: for years I used the handle..Shipoker, because it was a word used to demean and belittle me, by my father. I used it to remind me never to get soft and think about forgiving him. But CSers convinced me to drop the name and move on.
Foregive and forget is very hurtful to do, BUT, possible.
My father and I had closure just before he passed. My mother and I never did...time ran out before I could.
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