Is the truth worth knowing? (18)
pesh121Manila, Metro Manila Philippines30 Threads 2 Polls 435 PostsMy friend has an adopted daughter and she is worried because her daughter is growing up,she is 14 and becoming aloof with her and likes to answer her back when she scolds her.then my friend found out from a nosy neighbor that her daughter got a text message that she was adopted but her daughter didnt ask her about it but the teens actions of always going out and starting to become rebellious says it all.My friend is afraid to tell her daughter of the consequences it will make.Should my friend tell the truth?Is it worth knowing?Is it the right timing to tell it to her daughter?when is the right timing?
------ This thread is Archived ------
All teens rebel. The mother is her mother. If the teen wants to know she will ask. Telling her should only be done out of love not as tool to get here back in shape.
------ This thread is Archived ------
NAKEDMUDPEOPLE: All teens rebel. The mother is her mother. If the teen wants to know she will ask. Telling her should only be done out of love not as tool to get here back in shape.
thanks.i think she is just scared to lose her.
------ This thread is Archived ------
So a normal 14 year old is what we have here.
Her mother needn't worry. If the daughter wants to know, as NMP said, then she will ask.
There is never a wrong time for her daughter to ask. And her mother should be prepared for that, the agency which handled the adoption should be able to give her some guidelines.
Her mother needn't worry. If the daughter wants to know, as NMP said, then she will ask.
There is never a wrong time for her daughter to ask. And her mother should be prepared for that, the agency which handled the adoption should be able to give her some guidelines.
------ This thread is Archived ------
~~~As an adoptee I must say, this is far more complicated than dealing with a rebellious teen.
Some adopted children feel betrayed when they learn of their adoption from someone other than their parents. It hurts to learn that something soooo personal about you is known by others,something you yourself didn't know.And worse, is that the people you love are "hiding" it from you. It makes you feel as if there's something wrong with you.
Yes,most teens rebel, but this secret could be making the situation harder for both of them. She needs to tell her daughter. Sometimes there is never going to be a right time or place, but it must be done.
Best of luck to your friends.
Some adopted children feel betrayed when they learn of their adoption from someone other than their parents. It hurts to learn that something soooo personal about you is known by others,something you yourself didn't know.And worse, is that the people you love are "hiding" it from you. It makes you feel as if there's something wrong with you.
Yes,most teens rebel, but this secret could be making the situation harder for both of them. She needs to tell her daughter. Sometimes there is never going to be a right time or place, but it must be done.
Best of luck to your friends.
------ This thread is Archived ------
AutumR: ~~~As an adoptee I must say, this is far more complicated than dealing with a rebellious teen.
Some adopted children feel betrayed when they learn of their adoption from someone other than their parents. It hurts to learn that something soooo personal about you is known by others,something you yourself didn't know.And worse, is that the people you love are "hiding" it from you. It makes you feel as if there's something wrong with you.
Yes,most teens rebel, but this secret could be making the situation harder for both of them. She needs to tell her daughter. Sometimes there is never going to be a right time or place, but it must be done.
Best of luck to your friends.
Some adopted children feel betrayed when they learn of their adoption from someone other than their parents. It hurts to learn that something soooo personal about you is known by others,something you yourself didn't know.And worse, is that the people you love are "hiding" it from you. It makes you feel as if there's something wrong with you.
Yes,most teens rebel, but this secret could be making the situation harder for both of them. She needs to tell her daughter. Sometimes there is never going to be a right time or place, but it must be done.
Best of luck to your friends.
Good advice.
I also think it is not the message, it is the deliverance of the message.
If the mother approaches her daughter, then she may rebel even more and refuse to deal with it. Who knows?
I know how a child I know has dealt with it and it was nothing short of amazing to meet his brith mother and feel loved, his adoptive parents supported him hugely when he requested to meet his birth mother.
------ This thread is Archived ------
AutumR: ~~~As an adoptee I must say, this is far more complicated than dealing with a rebellious teen.
Some adopted children feel betrayed when they learn of their adoption from someone other than their parents. It hurts to learn that something soooo personal about you is known by others,something you yourself didn't know.And worse, is that the people you love are "hiding" it from you. It makes you feel as if there's something wrong with you.
Yes,most teens rebel, but this secret could be making the situation harder for both of them. She needs to tell her daughter. Sometimes there is never going to be a right time or place, but it must be done.
Best of luck to your friends.
Completely agree, I would hate to hear it from someone else.Some adopted children feel betrayed when they learn of their adoption from someone other than their parents. It hurts to learn that something soooo personal about you is known by others,something you yourself didn't know.And worse, is that the people you love are "hiding" it from you. It makes you feel as if there's something wrong with you.
Yes,most teens rebel, but this secret could be making the situation harder for both of them. She needs to tell her daughter. Sometimes there is never going to be a right time or place, but it must be done.
Best of luck to your friends.
All teenagers rebal in their teens, it's part of growing up and learning to become adults. From the age of 14 til about 19 i loved my daughter unconditionally, but i did not always like her attitude or some of the things she did.
------ This thread is Archived ------
If I found out from a third party that I was adopted ,I would be pissed.I have known since I was 5 that I was adopted.Now that the cat is out of the bag the mother needs to sit down with her daughter and answer any questions the daughter may have about the circumstances of her adoption.Personally I think the earlier you tell a child,the better.I always felt special.Good luck to your friend.
------ This thread is Archived ------
pesh121: My friend has an adopted daughter and she is worried because her daughter is growing up,she is 14 and becoming aloof with her and likes to answer her back when she scolds her.then my friend found out from a nosy neighbor that her daughter got a text message that she was adopted but her daughter didnt ask her about it but the teens actions of always going out and starting to become rebellious says it all.My friend is afraid to tell her daughter of the consequences it will make.Should my friend tell the truth?Is it worth knowing?Is it the right timing to tell it to her daughter?when is the right timing?
I think she should tell her... Even if the teen flips out later in life that teen will realize that greatness that was in her adopted mother.------ This thread is Archived ------
I agree, she should tell her. She is old enough now to know and hopefully understand. I can only imagine how hard it would be to tell her... it makes me nervous just thinking how you would tell someone something like this. 
...but she needs to know before she gets too old, and resents her. She shouldn't lose the daughter because she still is a minor, and the adopted mother is still the guardian. Just be as gentle as possible... I'm guessing. 
...but she needs to know before she gets too old, and resents her. She shouldn't lose the daughter because she still is a minor, and the adopted mother is still the guardian. Just be as gentle as possible... I'm guessing. ------ This thread is Archived ------
pesh121: My friend has an adopted daughter and she is worried because her daughter is growing up,she is 14 and becoming aloof with her and likes to answer her back when she scolds her.then my friend found out from a nosy neighbor that her daughter got a text message that she was adopted but her daughter didnt ask her about it but the teens actions of always going out and starting to become rebellious says it all.My friend is afraid to tell her daughter of the consequences it will make.Should my friend tell the truth?Is it worth knowing?Is it the right timing to tell it to her daughter?when is the right timing?
This adopted daughter needs to know the truth. The sooner the better. Nobody likes to live a lie. The right time is now!
I was 13 when I found out that my father was in fact my step father. It was a shock. Your friend is going to have to accept the consequences if there are any, and deal with it and manage it the best she can. She should have not waited so long.
I experienced a similar situation, just speaking from experience.
------ This thread is Archived ------
I think she should have always come cleen about the adoption. Such things found out later in life can have profound effects.
------ This thread is Archived ------
I agree that she should tell her daughter in a supportive way dont keep it from her as it might cause resentment later on.
I found out i was adopted when i was 17 and because my (adopted) mother was angry and subsequently yelled it at me in her anger... needless to say i went right off the rails shortly thereafter..
I do believe that if i had been told as soon as i was able to understand and not in the heat of anger, things would of been different...
I found out i was adopted when i was 17 and because my (adopted) mother was angry and subsequently yelled it at me in her anger... needless to say i went right off the rails shortly thereafter..
I do believe that if i had been told as soon as i was able to understand and not in the heat of anger, things would of been different...
------ This thread is Archived ------
The truth will set you free,but what's the truth to one person,might not be truth to another.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Thanks guys for all your advice..i know that my friend should tell her daughter.it is just hard for her.because she has the baby when she was one day old and all this time she never thought of her daughter as adopted.that is why it took her a long time to decide to tell.but you are right she has the right to know.i guess the way to say it should be with all the love she has for her daughter.I just pray for her daughter not to take it against her adopted mother..because she really love her and that her adopted daughter will not go on the wrong path for knowing it.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Teenagers should be thrown out of the house and forced to get a job and support themselves while they still know everything!
------ This thread is Archived ------
I have to older brothers ,that are half brothers....I didnt know this ...they had there real fathers last name...kept asking my parents why do they have a different last names...My father had to adopt & change there names.....all was good...then listening to a when little I heard did you tell Dona ...you had to change her last name also....I was a love child....I flipped out .....until they sat me down with my brothers & explained then I understood...but at first I didnt & was very very hurt and confused wish I would have known earlier would have been easier....good luck
cat
when little I heard did you tell Dona ...you had to change her last name also....I was a love child....I flipped out .....until they sat me down with my brothers & explained then I understood...but at first I didnt & was very very hurt and confused wish I would have known earlier would have been easier....good luck cat------ This thread is Archived ------
catwomen64: I have to older brothers ,that are half brothers....I didnt know this ...they had there real fathers last name...kept asking my parents why do they have a different last names...My father had to adopt & change there names.....all was good...then listening to a when little I heard did you tell Dona ...you had to change her last name also....I was a love child....I flipped out .....until they sat me down with my brothers & explained then I understood...but at first I didnt & was very very hurt and confused wish I would have known earlier would have been easier....good luck cat
how long did it took you to understand and how were you?
thanks for sharing
------ This thread is Archived ------
This Thread is Archived
This Thread is archived, so you will no longer be able to post to it. Threads get archived automatically when they are older than 3 months.
« Go back to All Threads
« Go back to All Threads
More Threads
beauty of the heart
Gal / sdarlagg passed away on April 10, 2024
Unions support Democrats!
The weird and the random facts around the world
The GOP Representatives owned by Vladimir Putin
s*xual skills
Who will be The Last Person To Post... VERSION FOUR
Democrats destroyed America
men's perspective towards women
Ladies
More Threads
Report threads that break rules, are offensive, or contain fighting. Staff may not be aware of the forum abuse, and cannot do anything about it unless you tell us about it. click to report forum abuse »
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
Stats for this Thread
1,039 Views
17 Comments
Created: Jun 2009
Last Viewed: Apr 19
Last Commented: Jun 2009
0 Likes
Related Forums
- beauty of the heart
- Gal / sdarlagg passed away on April 10, 2024
- Unions support Democrats!
- The weird and the random facts around the world
- The GOP Representatives owned by Vladimir Putin
- s*xual skills
- Who will be The Last Person To Post... VERSION FOUR
- Democrats destroyed America
- men's perspective towards women
- Ladies