AM I CRAZY!!??? ( Archived) (32)

Sunday the 24th would have been my 12th anniversary to my late husband, Harry. He died Feb. 12th 1995 after 5 and 1/2 months of marriage. We had however lived together for 4 and 1/2 years before.

The reason I am asking this question is this.
I was just clearing some stuff away and ran across some of his clothes. Very few. And I can't part with them. You see I lost everything I ever owned, I mean everything. Baby pics and memorabilia, school records and wedding stuff, death certificate,everything.
Which in it's own way may have been something that needed to happen, in order for me to let go of the past.
Is there something wrong with me that I can't even let a couple of shirts go after 11 years???
Talk to me please.
Do I need help?

no its not, i know a lady who has kept everything of her partners things and just couldnt never part with them, if his items make you feel safe and secure keep them

sorry for ypur loss, very sad but idf keeping is items makes you feel better then keep them for ever

No there is nothing wrong with you for wanting to hold onto to memories of the past. We do have to move forward, though. I let my deceased wife angels go except the angel on unicorn which is by my headboard. I kept her one Neil Diamond shirt but donated the rest of her clothes to the church. Her daughter has been at me for the mother's birthstone ring which had all the kids birthstones in it. I have searched the house over and even had help but could not find it. I tried to open one suitcase with the love letters but slammed it down when I seen one. I couldn't read it any ways because I was crying to hard but some pictures in another suitcase I managed to go through. It has been one year and three months since her passing. It is good on the days that I can keep it together. The physical pain has abated except when someone asks me if I am married. I took the marriage license down and it is packed away now. The picture of us is on the television. The griefshare lady that leads our meetings told me that one day I could look at without it hurting so bad. I can do that today and remember the good times. If her kids want something that belong to her they can damn well come down and get it. Sorry I just went up there recently to hug her sister. I couldn't find her grave but I forgot how to get there but I got some closure. I focus on the positive or what we call the dash in the dash news letter that you can get online. The dash represents the time they were alive after the birth date on the tombstone.

Roy

Thank you for that. I kept his boots in the floor where he left them for over a year. Everyone kept telling me to get rid of everything. Not!!
I get this way every year about this time. I have started to get worried about myself.
My therapist-counselor guy told me that I may never get over either one of my late husbands. I don't ever want to get over them, I just want to move on and find happiness again. Do you think that there is a chance that this may be holding me back?
I am afraid of being alone forever.

There's no reason you should let go of the past. He was part of your life. Oftentimes memories are all that's left, and if the shirts hold a symbolic meaning to you, then you should keep them. Don't worry about being crazy; I think it's perfectly normal.

wow. That brought tears to my eyes. I needed to hear that.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had to have grief counseling for a couple of years. It's good that you are doing that. I didn't even have one pic for years after he died. My sis found one she had of the two of us and gave it to me. I look at it when I go to my photos on line. And yes honey, I have plenty of great and loving memories of our lives together. I will cherish those forever. Thanks.

Yes to both. To me it was like a part of me died when she died. We were very happily married. She was my rock. I was devistated. I had to grow up and be in this world without her. She had done so much. I just went to work and earned a living. She had tried to wean me off her by making me do things with her that needed to be done. I had to learn how to get tough, again. I had to learn how to pay bills. I had to learn how to manage a check book. I had to leanr how to feed myself. I had to leanr how to clean up after myself. I had to learn how to make friends, again. I had to learn how to live in the real world, again. I had to learn how to get stable and be responsible, again. I had to learn how to buy groceries. I had to learn how to make sure there was gas in the tank. I had to learn how to cope without her. Her last words were, "You will be better off without me." That is the cruelest thing I ever have heard in my life.