Are we becoming so brutally selfish that we forget how important it's to give and share? ( Archived) (144)

NosleeptillStL: I've been wondering how to post in this thread, and while I think some people are selfish,,, there is nothing wrong with an individual that is strong enough to love their own life...

Part of the "loving your life" equation is to be an active and positive presence in other peoples lives... and that isn't selfish, its an efficient path to happiness, and that happiness that will almost invariably attract your biggest fan.

ColonelBogey: I agree with all of the above.

However,the OP has been accused of making her relationship choices through neediness. I see nothing in the op to suggest that she does that?
I see the OP simply recognizing her own wants and needs and how she sees herself in relation to men.
I do not see a connection with the op being vulnerable to being used for her vulnerabilities either.
She states that she is independent and financially sound but simply functions better with a partner.A women can be all of the things that she states about herself without being a fool who is willing to be walked all over because of her vulnerabilities.
I think that some women simply refuse to admit their vulnerabilities openly or admit that they need a partner to function at their best.
Many of us men have our vulnerabilities too and also feel that we function better with a partner.
I know I do.

EagleWoman: IMO The OP might have been accused of making her relationship choices through neediness because of her statement "And as for myself,I've always needed a man in my life." Now unless she's always had queues of suitable men waiting for her to need them, one would assume she would grab the first-ish available male when she found herself on her own

then she says
"I need someone to shake me when I' m being too much of a woman".
1. How can a woman be too much of a woman? (bet THAT came from a man)
2. Why does she think the role of the shaker can only be fullfilled by "the man in her life"?

Then she says
"When I'm too emotional to see clearly (I bet THAT came from a man too)or when I'm lost and scared"
IMO this sounds like a little girl who needs her daddy for protection. And yes to every controle freak type of man out there it will sound BIG TIME vulnerable. And it certainly does not sound like the words of someone who is emotionally balanced and well adjusted.

The sentences I picked sound like the words of a needy vulnerable person.

IMO (again) Vulnerability is ok, but is only safe when shared with healthy emotionally balanced people. Otherwise one leaves oneself open to being prey to the predators out there.

Personally, I like and enjoy sharing my life with a man. Not because he is the solution to my problems, but because I like and appreciate who he is and he likes and appreciates who I am. I don't need him to think for me or protect me. Being side by side is all I need.

bestbefore: Well said and thank you.Most men seem to agree with the thread author.People can and do survive alone,sometimes by choice. Nothing wrong with them at all.

I personally would hate to be thought as a "needy" person.

EagleWoman: IMO The OP might have been accused of making her relationship choices through neediness because of her statement "And as for myself,I've always needed a man in my life." Now unless she's always had queues of suitable men waiting for her to need them, one would assume she would grab the first-ish available male when she found herself on her own

then she says
"I need someone to shake me when I' m being too much of a woman".
1. How can a woman be too much of a woman? (bet THAT came from a man)
2. Why does she think the role of the shaker can only be fullfilled by "the man in her life"?

Then she says
"When I'm too emotional to see clearly (I bet THAT came from a man too)or when I'm lost and scared"
IMO this sounds like a little girl who needs her daddy for protection. And yes to every controle freak type of man out there it will sound BIG TIME vulnerable. And it certainly does not sound like the words of someone who is emotionally balanced and well adjusted.

The sentences I picked sound like the words of a needy vulnerable person.

IMO (again) Vulnerability is ok, but is only safe when shared with healthy emotionally balanced people. Otherwise one leaves oneself open to being prey to the predators out there.

Personally, I like and enjoy sharing my life with a man. Not because he is the solution to my problems, but because I like and appreciate who he is and he likes and appreciates who I am. I don't need him to think for me or protect me. Being side by side is all I need.

NosleeptillStL: Thanks, I'm glad you understood what I meant...

After all, the most attractive women (like the one I'm with.) are the ones whose attention is difficult to initially obtain. It's not necessarily because they have "attitude" or an inflated opinion of themselves, but rather, they are so happy with the way their life is going that they don't seek out, nor do they appreciate shallow, short lived, ill-timed, empty, & un-original attention from some kinds of men.

At the risk of insulting my own gender, I'll just leave you with this... We men have minds that can become lazy, some men fight it, and others,,,,,, well, they don't.

Carinas: I know and I heard many women saying they don't want and need a man in their lives.To me that is like saying you don't need air in order to breathe.So of course,I asked for explanations.They say,well I'm very independent,I can do everything on my own(great job,financial stability,take care of the house)and besides I don't want to have to clean or cook for anyone.But what about love?I guess in the self absorbed,narcissistic world we live in,we can do very well without love from others...as we love ourselves to idolatry.But what about companionship?What about the need to give,if not receive,affection?.

I love men,I can't even imagine how my life would have been without them.I love men that behave like men"both strong and childish".I think they give us,women a sense of purpose,a sort of ecstatic delight in which we indulge guiltlessly.They are basic creatures,which is not to say they lack complexity,but it's more of a leveled stratification of insights and accomplishments.I love men because I hardly ever understand anything about them in relation to me and/or other women.And I love men because their annoying masculinity makes me happy I'm a woman.

And as for myself,I've always needed a man in my life.He doesn't have to be perfect because I'm not perfect.I need someone to shake me when I' m being too much of a woman .When I'm too emotional to see clearly or when I'm lost and scared.Maybe I'm old fashioned but I have discovered with astonishment that, a man's heart is like an unforgettable poem "I'm in love with your soul and I'm deeply grateful to you "
I love men because their analytical insights just help me focus on my delicate touches of feminity.I also don't need to patronize men,or people in general to fulfill a wrinkled sense of identity.

I don't know and I'm not here to either judge or claim but I feel it's important to raise the questions to encourange introspection