Its Really Not That Complicated....Is It? (145)
bodleing: Relationships are complicated, especially exclusive 'romantic' relationships. Given the fact that all relationships begin in projection and that projection happens unconsciously, given that our projections stem from early childhood experiences, it's little wonder many fall by the wayside, sometimes with quite damaging consequence on one or the other...or maybe both.
I agree, G, and yet find merit in B's approach. Sometimes the best way to deal with complicated things is to KISS (Keep it Simple Stupid). That is, for one, not to make things more complicated than they already are (through obsessive/over-analytical thinking. Get down to basics to handle a complex or difficult problem - that kind of thing.
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montecito: I'm proud of you J that you are able to see that letting go is so much better for YOU. As you know with your and Jac's help late one night I learned to turn off the switch.....not 100%....but more then I ever dreamed would happen. Even though it was a hard situation on me the last six years, I feel so much better now and only think of him when I'm in a thread that relates to my situation...
Thanks, C. It's definitely easier without the sense of having all these problems I have to solve. Now my only problem is how not to think too much about the past and not dwell on the pain too much. I'm mostly successful, though of course stuff leaks through from time to time.
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Ambrose2007: Thanks, C. It's definitely easier without the sense of having all these problems I have to solve. Now my only problem is how not to think too much about the past and not dwell on the pain too much. I'm mostly successful, though of course stuff leaks through from time to time.
Yes my dear, you do need to try to not think about "what if". Remember, this happened only months ago so it's still fresh but if you weally weally work at not thinking about it, not writing about it, not surrounding yourself with momentoes from the past, it will be less and less a part of your history, but don't expect it to happen overnight. As long as you know you are working at it, that's all you can expect of yourself.
When my daughter was in high school she would come home from school and I'd ask how did you do on the test. She'd say I got a B+ and be disappointed. I'd then ask her if she did her best and she would say yes. And of course I said, that's all you can expect of yourself.
Keep your chin up my friend. You will win this battle...
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Bodecia: Many people who have posted in this thread are intelligent, caring, sensitive individuals. Unfortunately, what comes with these traits are often the curse of overthinking, looking for the worm under the rock that doesnt exist.
Depression is often a health issue that follow on from this. Statistics have shown that deep thinking people are more likely to suffer from depression, due to their tendency to overthink and delve, delve, delve. When, in fact there is nothing to find, it can set off a depressive state. I have read about this, and believe it to be true.
Yep, the hidden agenda radar twitch constantly with alot of us, but the trick is to know when the horizon is clear and there are no bogies to blast, so to speak..
Depression is often a health issue that follow on from this. Statistics have shown that deep thinking people are more likely to suffer from depression, due to their tendency to overthink and delve, delve, delve. When, in fact there is nothing to find, it can set off a depressive state. I have read about this, and believe it to be true.
Yep, the hidden agenda radar twitch constantly with alot of us, but the trick is to know when the horizon is clear and there are no bogies to blast, so to speak..
yes I agree. Pretty much take things at face value unless there is some reason to do otherwise
that usually works for me. I think people get depressed for a lot of reasons - some very understandable. Certainly the loss of a love relationship or relationship difficulties could be one of them.
that is why it is so important to be a support person and a fountain of protection and rejuvenation for a partner
there's enough crap out there everywhere else....
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felixis99: yes I agree. Pretty much take things at face value unless there is some reason to do otherwise
that usually works for me. I think people get depressed for a lot of reasons - some very understandable. Certainly the loss of a love relationship or relationship difficulties could be one of them.
that is why it is so important to be a support person and a fountain of protection and rejuvenation for a partner
there's enough crap out there everywhere else....
that usually works for me. I think people get depressed for a lot of reasons - some very understandable. Certainly the loss of a love relationship or relationship difficulties could be one of them.
that is why it is so important to be a support person and a fountain of protection and rejuvenation for a partner
there's enough crap out there everywhere else....
I think when we get to a Certain Age, we have to trust ourselves and our ability to make decisions about others and not question them too much.
One of the joys of getting older (and hopefully wiser), is that we get to know what and what not is worthy of our prolonged thought.
Good points you have made here, felix. I appreciate your input, and everyone else who has contributed to this thread.
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Bodecia: I think when we get to a Certain Age, we have to trust ourselves and our ability to make decisions about others and not question them too much.
One of the joys of getting older (and hopefully wiser), is that we get to know what and what not is worthy of our prolonged thought.
Good points you have made here, felix. I appreciate your input, and everyone else who has contributed to this thread.
One of the joys of getting older (and hopefully wiser), is that we get to know what and what not is worthy of our prolonged thought.
Good points you have made here, felix. I appreciate your input, and everyone else who has contributed to this thread.
I agree and the danger of all this analysis is to jump to erroneous conclusions and catastrophise. I have been subject to this myself often enough and seen it in many other relationships and it's so destructive.
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Class5: I agree and the danger of all this analysis is to jump to erroneous conclusions and catastrophise. I have been subject to this myself often enough and seen it in many other relationships and it's so destructive.
Yep.
As I said earlier, if you analyse something long enough, you will always find the negative in something.
It is very destructive, and really serves no purpose.
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Bodecia: Yep.
As I said earlier, if you analyse something long enough, you will always find the negative in something.
It is very destructive, and really serves no purpose.
As I said earlier, if you analyse something long enough, you will always find the negative in something.
It is very destructive, and really serves no purpose.
It's a good method for driving someone away though.
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Bodecia: I think when we get to a Certain Age, we have to trust ourselves and our ability to make decisions about others and not question them too much.
One of the joys of getting older (and hopefully wiser), is that we get to know what and what not is worthy of our prolonged thought.
Good points you have made here, felix. I appreciate your input, and everyone else who has contributed to this thread.
One of the joys of getting older (and hopefully wiser), is that we get to know what and what not is worthy of our prolonged thought.
Good points you have made here, felix. I appreciate your input, and everyone else who has contributed to this thread.
great, thought provoking topic bodecia
and good food for thought as far as things to keep in mind if a relationship ever gets off the ground - for any of us
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I once destroyed a relationship by thinking.I was thinking I was single....
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felixis99: great, thought provoking topic bodecia
and good food for thought as far as things to keep in mind if a relationship ever gets off the ground - for any of us
and good food for thought as far as things to keep in mind if a relationship ever gets off the ground - for any of us
Thank you for contributing to it, felix.
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grizzwald: I once destroyed a relationship by thinking.I was thinking I was single....
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Class5: It's a good method for driving someone away though.
Well, thats it, Class.
No-one wants to be constantly analysed or falsely accused of something.A sure way of a relationship ending in free fall.
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Bodecia: Many people who have posted in this thread are intelligent, caring, sensitive individuals. Unfortunately, what comes with these traits are often the curse of overthinking, looking for the worm under the rock that doesnt exist.
Depression is often a health issue that follow on from this. Statistics have shown that deep thinking people are more likely to suffer from depression, due to their tendency to overthink and delve, delve, delve. When, in fact there is nothing to find, it can set off a depressive state. I have read about this, and believe it to be true.
Depression is often a health issue that follow on from this. Statistics have shown that deep thinking people are more likely to suffer from depression, due to their tendency to overthink and delve, delve, delve. When, in fact there is nothing to find, it can set off a depressive state. I have read about this, and believe it to be true.
Oh, it's true all right. My personal experiences some time ago and the subsequent counselling support this emphatically.
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Bodecia: Well, thats it, Class. No-one wants to be constantly analysed or falsely accused of something.
A sure way of a relationship ending in free fall.
A sure way of a relationship ending in free fall.
I think sometimes its a balance of our past influences, our own tendency to overthink and our partner's past influences and tendencies to overthink.
A good balance would be the ability to go with the flow, talk when needed, support one another and learn how to actively listen to one another. JMO
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amahlala: I think sometimes its a balance of our past influences, our own tendency to overthink and our partner's past influences and tendencies to overthink.
A good balance would be the ability to go with the flow, talk when needed, support one another and learn how to actively listen to one another. JMO
A good balance would be the ability to go with the flow, talk when needed, support one another and learn how to actively listen to one another. JMO
You got it in one. Hi Lala
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Class5: You got it in one. Hi Lala
Thanks Sweetie!
Wish I could follow what I wrote but I seem to be the worst at listening to myself!
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amahlala: I think sometimes its a balance of our past influences, our own tendency to overthink and our partner's past influences and tendencies to overthink.
A good balance would be the ability to go with the flow, talk when needed, support one another and learn how to actively listen to one another. JMO
A good balance would be the ability to go with the flow, talk when needed, support one another and learn how to actively listen to one another. JMO
I agree. It takes two to tango, and if your differences are insurmountable, acknowledge it and move on. And, more importantly, dont carry that baggage with you to the next relationship, unless you believe it will do some good.
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montecito: Yes my dear, you do need to try to not think about "what if". Remember, this happened only months ago so it's still fresh but if you weally weally work at not thinking about it, not writing about it, not surrounding yourself with momentoes from the past, it will be less and less a part of your history, but don't expect it to happen overnight. As long as you know you are working at it, that's all you can expect of yourself.
When my daughter was in high school she would come home from school and I'd ask how did you do on the test. She'd say I got a B+ and be disappointed. I'd then ask her if she did her best and she would say yes. And of course I said, that's all you can expect of yourself.
Keep your chin up my friend. You will win this battle...
When my daughter was in high school she would come home from school and I'd ask how did you do on the test. She'd say I got a B+ and be disappointed. I'd then ask her if she did her best and she would say yes. And of course I said, that's all you can expect of yourself.
Keep your chin up my friend. You will win this battle...
I've been wondering if I could charge the general public for visiting the shrine to my former relationship I set up in my spare bedroom? It cost a lot of money and time, after all, so maybe I should try to recoup some of my loses?
Well, I'm quite certain I didn't do my best, but what's done is done. Thanks, C.
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I find that what draws out my obsessive "over-analysis" (read, at least for me, "useless repetitive analysis") is not having an answer to what seems like an important question. When it appears that my partner isn't going to offer an answer, then I feel as though I need to get one myself. That's when I've gotten caught up on a "hamster wheel" of going over and over something...as though the density and repetition of the analysis will more likely provide a satisfactory answer to something I'm very unsure about.
Strangely enough, since I've been out of my relationship, I've been doing next to none of that (at least not consciously; my dreams are another matter).
Basically - I agree with you here - you have to know when to turn off the switch. The general rule is when your thinking just isn't doing any good, or when you really have an answer but you just don't want to accept it.
I appreciate your self-honesty on this point, B.
I'm proud of you J